In Lieu of Decent Baseball, Where to Find Decent Beer at Texas Rangers Games

Categories: Beer, Drinking

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Ghostbusters
Live footage from Globe Life Park, where a portal to hell has opened up around 1st Base
Listen up, baseball fans. In March, over half of ESPN's experts predicted the Rangers would make the playoffs. Now, there's not a Lemon Chill's chance in an August afternoon game that we'll finish higher than third place. With the All Star break behind us, Your Texas Rangers® are officially the worst team in baseball.

Sowhat are you, Dallas' best baseball fan, to do? Though our injured catcher chooses another popular pain-eraser, we here at the City of Ate blog can only recommend one thing: drink beer. Lots and lots of beer.

RangerBrewhouse2.jpg
A better view than anything you'll see on the field this season
A disappointment this grave requires something better than Miller Lite or the
other standard Ballpark offerings. With the help of our friends on the inside,
we scoured the spreadsheets and purchase orders of the food and beverage
vendors of Globe Life Park to present to you, the thirsty and disheartened fan,
the complete guide to buying non-shitty beer at a Rangers' game.

Godspeed.

Major League Brewhouse -- Section 118 (3rd base)
This is the pièce de résistance of better-than-average drinking at Globe Life Park. The Major League Brewhouse is a new addition for this season and features five of the following draft beers on rotation -- Community Wheat, Oskar Blues' Mamma's Little Yella Pills, Goose Island Honkers Ale, Alaskan Summer, Franconia Wheat, Grapevine Craft Brewery's Lakefire Rye Pale Ale, Sierra Nevada Torpedo IPA, Real Ale's Firemans 4 Squared, or Deschutes Chainbreaker IPA. Slap the Bud out of grandpa's hand, because it's 2014 and we can buy locally-made, award-winning beer at a baseball game in Dallas. Well, technically in Arlington. And there's no public transportation. But hey! Craft beer!

Beers of Texas -- Sections 26 (home plate), 46 (right field), 210 (club level, left field), and 328 (upper deck, home plate)
These stands are scattered around the park and are going to be your best bet to easily find a brew that doesn't suck. On draft, they serve St. Arnold's Lawnmower alongside two Rahr & Sons -- Texas Red and Blonde Lager. They also stock cans of Rahr's exceptionally refreshing Pride of Texas Pale Ale, Dale's Pale Ale (which isn't from Texas, but we'll happily claim one of Colorado's finest), and Real Ale's Firemans #4 (a silver-medal winner at the 2012 Great American Beer Fest). Of course, all manner of Shiner is available in bottles as well.

Dublin' Up Irish Pub -- Section 211 (club level)
Do you get it? Because, when you two of your base runners make outs on the same play it's known as getting "doubled up." Also, Dublin is a city in Ireland, a country known for it's prominent beer culture. This "pub" serves Boddington's, Goose Island's 312 Urban Wheat, and Red Hook on draft. For the sake of air conditioning, we're more than willing to overlook the fact that a wheat beer brewed in Chicago doesn't seem particularly Irish.

Centerfield AleHouse -- Section 46 (center field, obviously)
One of my favorite new traditions on the long road to the start of baseball season is when the Rangers' PR staff rolls out all of the crazy-ass new concessions, tempting young and old to spend 26 American dollars on a stupidly long hot dog or racial-stereotype-themed sandwich. This year, they debuted frozen beer -- draft Kirin Ichiban, poured at 20 degrees Fahrenheit from some sort of physics-defying Devil machine and topped with frozen beer foam. It's only available at this one spot in the Ballpark and is exceptionally weird to drink. But, it doesn't suck and stays cold longer than anything else you can find. Except, perhaps, the Rangers offense.

Rest In Peace, hopes and dreams.

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12 comments
dfwheathen
dfwheathen

My girlfriend got me excited when she said they had Sidewinder (From Revolver Brewing). I searched the whole ballpark before I realized she must have been talking about the Sidewinder Fries. Womp womp

charmoffensive
charmoffensive

You know what else isn't especially Irish at the Dublin Up Pub?


Fluorescent lighting. Ugh.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

I can do some damage to some Rahr Texas Red, unfortunately, It does extreme damage to my will to do anything the next day if I drink more than 6.  I enjoy Firemans #4 as well.  But I refuse to go watch AA garbage and over pay for beer at The Globe next to the The Turd on the Prairie.  My back patio has made for a fine watching experience lately and my bank account appreciates it.  

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

Look, the last thing that I want when it's 105, and the kids are saying, "this is boring"; and the wife is basically treating the game like a personal shopping trip, is to get some expensive craft beer that is going to weigh me down, and want to make me heat fight.....don't you folks ever take a day off from this crap?   Ya'll can have Bishop Arts and Deep Ellum, you can't have baseball also!

dfwheathen
dfwheathen

@kergo1spaceship If a good craft beer can't help improve the situation you described, nothing will. In which case, you're sounding like a bitchy wife.

Mervis
Mervis

@kergo1spaceship Sorry Kergs but the whole "weigh me down" thing is a tired argument. The hipster stuff and all that is fun but the "too heavy" crap is just that....crap.

Rahr Blond - Munich Helles Lager | 4.80% ABV

St. Arnold Weedwacker -Hefeweizen | 4.90% ABV

Rahr Texas Red - American Amber / Red Lager | 4.50% ABV

Goose Island 312 Wheat - American Pale Wheat Ale | 4.20% ABV

Bud - American Adjunct Lager | 5.00% ABV
Miller Lite - Light Lager | 4.17% ABV
Bud Light - Light Lager | 4.20% ABV

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@Mervis @ScottsMerkin Oh anything over 6 and Im killing bud light bc Im going for the all the day drinking party bbq.  No need to spend good money on good beer that Im going to forget about in 4 hrs cause Im drunk.  When Im drinking for pleasure I love the micro/local brews but party beer is the BL

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@Mervis @kergo1spaceship Mervis, you good at this but doesnt the shitty feeling the next day not just deal with the alcohol content but everything that goes in the brew to make it a light/ipa/hefe/wheat?  

Mervis
Mervis

@ScottsMerkin @Mervis Pretty sure it's just the alcohol which comes from the malt/wheat or whatever grain is use. There is only malt (grain), hops, yeast and water in 98% of all beer. Yeast eats the sugar from the grain and shits out alcohol. Hops add bitterness and aroma. Pretty much the same for most liquor as well minus the hops.

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