Tell The Mother of Meat Fight Where She Should Eat Her Last Meat Meal

Categories: Cheap Bastard

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Meat Fight - Nicholas McWhirter
No more of these for a while, dangit.
I've decided to go vegetarian for a month. Which wouldn't really be that big of a deal, except that I love meat so hard. I love meat so much, I helped create a barbecue competition called Meat Fight.

What drove me to this meatless idea? The taste of Matt McCallister's Christmas Tree. After eating that morel, and drinking a bunch of wine, I was drunk enough on veggies and booze to make this idea seem fun.

I'm not going vegetarian because I'm against the consumption of bacon. I love bacon. And I'm not going vegan, because cheese y'all. This will be four weeks of Level One Vegetarianism. I'll leave the rennet omission and dairy omission to the pros. It's going to be hard enough for me to cut out chicken. And that's barely even a real meat.

I love meat so much that when my friends heard I was going vegetarian for a month, they sent me concerned texts.

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Friends were immediately concerned.
They posted concern on my Facebook page.

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They immediately promised to send me photos of meat every day, and started with today.

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I stop eating meat on Tuesday. Because stopping before Memorial Day weekend would be un-American.

This means that I have some time for Last Meat Meals before my meat fast. I now turn to you, friendly carnivores, for suggestions. Where should I go for my last chance at charcuterie, hamburgers, ribs and other meaty meats?

My top five favorite meat moments, in order:

1) Brisket
2) Charcuterie times
3) Steak
4) Bacon
5) Raw seafood (Which I wouldn't even normally count as meat, but apparently vegetarians do count fish as meat, so I can't have that, so I'm already annoyed. I was banking on salmon, oysters and mussels being at least three vegetable food groups.)

OK, Dallas. Tell me: Where's the best place for a Last Meat Meal?


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27 comments
Daniel
Daniel

You'll be miserable. I tried this once in my 20s, simply cutting meat out of my diet and filling the gap with the other non-meat things that were already part of my diet. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. Since you're not a male in his 20s, you might pull it off dietarily. But you'll still be miserable.

NOWiGETit
NOWiGETit

I mean, if it were really your last meat meal, I'd just go all out Fogo de Chao and green light it til you had no more room!

J_A_
J_A_

Oh come on, fish is meat?! All these rules!

grahamldodds
grahamldodds

I'll take care of 4 out of 5 of these categories for you at Hibiscus. Not the brisket.

carina41
carina41

Since you have limited time, try stacking with The Manitoba Burger at Sundown at Granada: beef burger topped with brisket, cheddar and smoked bacon.

dixiechickidie
dixiechickidie

Cheap Bastard of House Meatgaryen, First of Her Name. Queen of the Briskets and the BBQ Men, Meatleesi of the Great Land of Steaks, Breaker of Beef Ribs, and Mother of Meat Fight.

rdziol
rdziol

1.  Brisket - Pecan Lodge

2.  Charcuterie - FT33, Lucia or Grape

3. Steak - Knife or Nick & Sams

4. Bacon - on top of the Grape's burger

5. Raw Seafood - Tei An


Or you could just go all carnivore, head to Fogo and keep the coaster on green until you get the meat sweats

Greg820
Greg820

1) Brisket--Lockhart
2) Charcuterie times--FT33
3) Steak--The Grape
4) Bacon--On top of Snuffers Cheese Fries
5) Raw seafood--Zen Sushi

Enjoy!

crb819
crb819

This makes me cry....but then it makes me laugh because youll be forced to eat a veggie burger at some point hahahaha but seriously, get 2 double cheeseburgers from dairy-ette, throw away the buns and use the patties as the buns...


Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

How about a vegetable list?


1. Artichoke hearts

2. Asparagus tips

3. French Fries

4. Mushrooms

5. Tomatoes


Not necessarily in that order.  I didn't include my beloved onions and garlic because one doesn't normally eat them by themselves. 

ChrisYu
ChrisYu

and you're probably going to the Morrissey show tonight? get a t-shirt.

standifer_ryan
standifer_ryan

Just don't try to sub the cheddar with another cheese that'll be $2. Side of sweet potato fries? $6. No thanks

carina41
carina41

Forgot to mention that's a steak burger, so you hit 3 in one meal ;)

primi_timpano
primi_timpano topcommenter

Nice list. I'd take Al Bernait over the steak places.

AliceLaussade
AliceLaussade

I am not looking forward to having to say, "I'm a vegetarian-- can you substitute mushrooms for the burger?"

P1Gunter
P1Gunter

Dairy-Ette was going to be my hamburger suggestion as well.

cheapbastard
cheapbastard

I'm about to eat that for thirty days. I need meat recs, stat. Can I eat one of your cats real quick?

cheapbastard
cheapbastard

Most of my wardrobe is meat shirts. I have two pairs of meat socks. The perfect Morissey show outfit is putting itself together as I speak.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

@AliceLaussade  Better you should have a great big grilled Portobello mushroom burger that has been marinated in Teriyaki.  You may never go back to meat.

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