I Ate Pizza Patrón's Controversial La Chingona Pie, and It Was Definitely Offensive

Categories: Food News

pizza-patron-chingona.jpg
So much 'roni
A few weeks ago, we told you about Pizza Patrón's latest pizza, a spicy number topped with nearly 100 slices of jalapeño-stuffed pepperoni and then, just to drive things home, finished off with a little diced jalapeño. This pizza was badass, according to its creators. This pizza was La Chingona.

It's that name that got Pizza Patrón in some trouble with the radio stations it planned to advertise with. While Chingona translates roughly to badass, it can also translate more offensively. Radio stations pulled the ad, which of course caused a media blitz that was probably more effective than the ads would have been anyway.

But while everyone focused on matters of linguistics, nobody discussed the pizza itself. Sure, we have a pie capable of causing broadcast media turmoil, but how does it taste?

I found out earlier this week when I dropped in on the Pizza Patrón on Ross Avenue in East Dallas, held up one finger and confidently ordered La Chingona. The nice guy looked at me as if I weren't serious, not because the pizza in question is dangerous, but because my pronunciation is terrible.

"La Chingona?" he clarified in mellifluous Spanish. I know seven Spanish words, five of which I learned from Taco Bell menu boards. I decided to just nod.

Ten minutes later I was skipping up Ross Avenue with a thin cardboard box, making my way toward Ships and my unsuspecting victim. If you want to tell someone they're special, ask them to meet you at Ships for a couple of cans of PBR and a pizza that costs $7.99. It makes for a really, really great date.

La Chingona, it turns out, is a pretty badass pizza, though not entirely in a good way. The spicy sauce and pepperoni turned out to be a pretty good foil for a cold crisp lager, but so would potato chips or beef jerky. As best I can tell the cheese is the same type heaped on rounds by most commodity pizzerias, and anything that melts is at least halfway delicious, but the crust has some issues. It's the worst I've encountered in any pizza in some time. It has no structure -- a slice must be supported stem to stern or it falls apart leaving a trail of stringing cheese and dripping sauce. It also has an off-putting, almost plastic-like or artificial flavor. It was not good.

Not that you should expect much from a place that charges so little for a pizza, but the storefront was clean and accommodating, the employees worked carefully and were very nice -- you've got to think with a crust upgrade this place could dominate Texas' value-pizza market.

Or maybe they should hand out PBR with every pie. Anyone who spends enough time at Ships before hitting Pizza Patrón will certainly find some satisfaction in every slice. But you have to laugh at the fact that everyone was all worked up about a name that a small percentage of Spanish speakers might take issue with, when all along it was the pizza that was offensive.


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21 comments
CheeryBitch
CheeryBitch

Some of the best pizza in Dallas was Johnny's. Of course, being from Louisiana I'm biased. "Sweep the Swamp" is heaven. (A pizza trip to Shreveport might be in my immediate future.) If they only had delivery, it might have saved them. Sad Cajun.

Sharon_Moreanus
Sharon_Moreanus topcommenter

If I was at ships, I'd walk to Louie's instead.

benwellsstreet
benwellsstreet

Could you similarly review papa johns and Pizza Hut? Because they seriously churn out some garbage pizza too.

I only order delivery from italia's. Gotta tip them right but if you do... Nothing is better

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

who eats the crust on pizza, isn't that for the dog? 

Greg820
Greg820

Thank you for the review.  I'm not eating food ever again.  


TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

"Pizza Patron" loosely translated to English = "Little Caesars"

DavyCrockett
DavyCrockett

A Mexican soldado muttered "La Chingona" to me right before he killed my ass.

P1Gunter
P1Gunter

Pizza Patron: where the crust might as well be the box. If you want cheap pizza go to Divinos on Gaston. If you want good pizza go to Cane Rosso or Cigarz.

Mervis_Earl
Mervis_Earl

@benwellsstreet So they bring a pizza to your house and the taste of said pizza is determined by the amount you tip after the pizza was already made?

MissMacy
MissMacy

@benwellsstreet No! I love Pizza Hut! I order the same pizza every time (a thin crust Super Supreme) and it's always good. Of course, we're talking about Dallas. Pizza Hut is good pizza in Dallas. When I lived in Chicago (my home town) I never touched Pizza Hut.

ghkyluhhje
ghkyluhhje

@P1Gunter Or go to Mama Mia's in Deep Ellum. Best pizza I've ever tasted. and Serious Pizza down the street definitely ranks in the top 5. Why the hell would anyone ever go to a chain pizza place?

Mervis_Earl
Mervis_Earl

@P1Gunter Thanks for the Cane Rosso shoutout. Who knew right? They never cover that place around these parts.

reverendvelvet
reverendvelvet

@MissMacy Eating Chicago style pizza is an abomination. It's the epitome of gluttonous Americans needing to bastardize everything. 

gabe48
gabe48

@ghkyluhhje @P1Gunter A better question: why would anyone ever go to Mama Mia's or Serious Pizza?  Seriously.  Might as well go to a chain...


On another note, the best barbecue in Dallas, is Mac's Barbecue on Main St., only open for lunch. The jalapeño sausage is "off the charts", and big meaty ribs, great sauce.

Mervis_Earl
Mervis_Earl

@reverendvelvet @MissMacy I bet she is not talking about Chicago style deep dish but rather Chicago style thin crust which is what most people eat on a regular basis. Usually from some italian joint in your neighborhood.

Sharon_Moreanus
Sharon_Moreanus topcommenter

Best bbq and macs don't belong in the same sentence.

Mediocre is more fitting.

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