Ranch Doesn't Belong on Pizza, Because Ranch Doesn't Belong on Pizza

pizza-and-ranch.jpg
Photoshop
Mark this as the week Jay Jerrier blew up the Internet. Again.

The owner of three Cane Rosso pizzerias has long made known his disapproval for ranch dressing as a condiment for Neapolitan pies, going so far as to offer customers a bottle of Hidden Valley for the low price of $1,000.

Recently, though, Reddit user Brostash (yeah, bro!) snapped a picture of the bottle and posted it to the site, where users screamed though more than 800 comments in less than seven hours.

Some defended Jerrier's ranch-free policy. Some branded him as arrogant and called for freedom of taste buds. Some thought the whole debate was pointless, and yet found time to weigh in anyway.

Unlike most pointless food debates (Ketchup on a steak? Sauce on brisket?), the ranch-on-pizza argument is an exceedingly complicated one, with many sides. The Purists, also known as "the Pizza Snobs," mainly hail from New York City, and view the drizzling, dipping or any other application of ranch dressing to pizza of any form as sacrilegious. Ed Levine, author of Pizza: a Slice of Heaven and also a New Yorker, is of the pizza snob camp.

"It's a crime against nature," Levine offered, when asked by Robb Walsh of the Houston Press in 2008. Walsh had encountered the ranch dressing debate at Romano's Pizza in Houston, where owners "Frank and Vinny" hung up a sign that read "Great pizza doesn't need ranch... so don't ask!!!"

Frank and Vinny, if you haven't guessed, lived in New York before they moved to Houston. Before that, they lived in Italy where the original pizza snobs specify pizza making down to every ingredient. Anyone caught in the country doing anything remotely as degrading as putting Hidden Valley on a pizza is immediately deported, while the offending pizzeria that allowed the atrocity to occur is closed forever. New Yorkers are almost as passionate.

Walsh subsequently endorsed the flavor combination, or at least told the purists to take a hike.

Head over the page to continue the debate with the Arterial Masochists!

Location Info

Il Cane Rosso

2612 Commerce St., Dallas, TX

Category: Restaurant

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108 comments
tiedyecomic
tiedyecomic

I grew up in Chicago and lived in metro New York for many years.  It wasn't until i moved to DFW that i found people putting salad dressing on pizza.  I was perplexed until i tasted Dallas Pizza.  Here's my conclusion:  Ranch dressing will ruin a good pizza.  It may enhance the cardboard pizza replicas that many DFW pizza joints serve.  Back when i moved here (25 years ago) there were very few good options for pizza/pie in DFW.  Now DFW has many good options and even a few great ones.  Times change.  Put your salad dressing on salad and find a joint that serves good pizza.  Stick with peperoni and veggie toppings however, DFW pizza cooks don't understand how to correctly prepare italian sausage for pizza.

Greg820
Greg820

100 comments about Ranch Dressing with Pizza.  Priorities.

iltsg2001
iltsg2001

I don't get it.  I've never had pizza without ranch.  It's like eating french fries without ketchup.

Greg820
Greg820

62 comments and counting about ranch dressing on pizza?  Recipes for roasted kittens wouldn't get that kind of response.  

Oxtail
Oxtail

Ahhh,

... but if the Ranch dressing was created with Lucky Layla Farms cream, hand crafted with regional peppers and spices, added with Spiceman's F.M. herbs, local grown onions, delicately flavored with purified Texas Coast sea salt, gently whipped into a velvety rich emulsion,...you'd be soakin' dat sheet all over dat pie!

gordonhilgers
gordonhilgers

I do enjoy a pizza pie once in awhile, but the grease is always a little much for me.  Perhaps I should try KY simply to see how its strawberry flavor fits on a good, hotter than fire garlic pizza.  Who knows?  Isn't that what moving into the future is about: new condiments, condoms optional? 

Surely I jest.  Digest is another issue altogether, something to be saved for another time, and perhaps another place.  Dallas is new to pizza, and pizza is new to Dallas, and it has only been in recent years that truly delicious pizzas beyond the purview and range of, say, Dominos or Pizza Hut, have embarked like little round sailing ships out beyond the early days of Campizi's on Mockingbird Lane--next to an auto shop and a locksmith.  

Back in Denver, however, pizza and Italian culture had thrived since at least the beginnings of the migrations from the Northeast to California in the 19th Century, and my father, a former Naval officer and Subterranean-era beatnik "ghost" who haunted the precincts of Larimer Street, the same bars and places frequented by both Ginsberg and Kerouac, once brought some of his buddies home with him--AFTER they had convinced him (he was probably drunk enough to have sunk the Titanic with sheer spinning) to eat an entire garlic pizza.  When he hit the door, the term "Italian cab driver" cannot describe the odor that so quickly pervaded the house that, indeed, daddy was banned from the bedroom for "as long as it takes" for that garlic to filter out of his system. 

Waking up to join-in on the fun (Jack Parr was on television in black-and-white), I decided then and there my dad was by far the coolest beatnik ever.  His buds loved cat-calling me, and though I understood little of what was said, I did understand that night had history written all over it.  Who were those people?  What was up with the white undershirts with the cigarette packs (Lucky Strike and Pell Mall) rolled-up in the sleeves? 

Then the family moved to Dallas and my sis and I had to learn to twang and steal GOP campaign signs, soap windows and throw St. Augustine to keep mud from sliding downhill.  Ranch dressing?  Maybe for that Mafia princess I once dated in college.  Rumor has it she married a boy with deep connections to the King Ranch.  Marrying into that crazy family would have been a living and livid Hell for the rest of my life.  I yam-scrammed out of there faster than the Billy Joel records a buddy and I used as Frisbees in 1978. 

Pizza in the summer?  Urp.  Too much heat in the gut, and cannibalism (steak tartar sandwiches) is a good way to get ecoli or listeria.  One piece of pumpernickel and some hummus and lunch is complete. 

Straight to your room--from the temple of doom....  

MattL11
MattL11

It's a very simple rule. No ranch on pizza UNLESS you're stoned/drunk, the pizza is shitty, you're using it only on the crust (which is, by definition, shitty), and you didn't pay for the pizza (don't want to reward those who intentionally order shitty pizza).  

mcdallas
mcdallas

"Some thought the whole debate was pointless, and yet found time to weigh in anyway."


meh

Jamal4
Jamal4

Ranch hose or ranch hoes?

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

WHile we are hashing out what is pizza, what is everyone's opinion on "dessert pizza?"

jjerrier
jjerrier

I'm surprised people are taking this so seriously. That sign has been up for years. Anyone who thinks we take ourselves too seriously only needs to look at our pizzas that are topped with apples, brisket, or honey. We don't even have any ranch in the restaurant. I would suggest, as my pal in BK, Paulie Gee, does, some cold, salted butter.

At Zoli's we have plenty of house-made Jalapeno ranch and no one ever asks for it.

But love the coverage and even more so because it drives all the people that hate me nuts!

publius
publius

@Greg820  One hundred and EIGHT comments about Ranch Dressing with Pizza.

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

@gordonhilgers  


holy sh+t.....I fell asleep at "strawberry flavor"; this is the most boring, sh+t driven drivel since SCOTT posted last.


BTW, when I think of pizza the last thing that comes to mind is Denver.  Other cities I think of when pizza comes to mind, before Denver:


-all 621 cities on the east coast with 100,000 or more citizens

-413 small municipalities on the east coast

-784 cities across the rest of the US


............that makes Denver, that bastion of pizza and pasta, like, # 1800 of all places.

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

@MattL11  


who eats crust; especially without ranch? you are probably the guy that eats the garnish on the plate? 

J_A_
J_A_

@jjerrier  Everyone loves you Jay! Also Cane Rosso is effin delicious and so is Zoli's.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

@jjerrier  My first husband was an Italian Jew from South Philly.  Trust me, I would NEVER put ranch on a pizza.  Or else!

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

@jjerrier  


I don't think (or hope!) anyone hates you, you seem nice, and the product is damn good. In the end, it has no effect on my visit to CR.  Folks, nothing is better than a nice draft, and a Margherita pizza on a Saturday. 

Twinwillow
Twinwillow

@kduble @iltsg2001  Mayo on fries, etc. in Belgium are the only way to go. And washed down with excellent beer is a must!

gordonhilgers
gordonhilgers

@kergo1spaceship @gordonhilgersSorry you did not enjoy my story about the intersection of pizza and late 1950s Denver, Colorado's, beatniks.  I have been to the Northeast one (1) time--namely, Boston--met Mayor Menino, a nice Italian American, but he didn't have any pizza on him at the time.  I should've asked him if he had one of those galvanized steel buckets walking pizza guys used to carry around with them in the 19th Century, and indeed it is possible the mayor of Boston, Massachusetts, does have a pizza-filled steel bucket in the trunk of his car "just in case", but dangit!  I wasn't there for the freaking pizza.  


I do know a lot about posole and green chile, Christmas enchiladas, calavacitas, and other delicacies you probably have never heard of--but why bother? 

You are "miles beyond" me in terms of "restauranteristiism".  The last time I ate in a restaurant was, like, Christmas eve.  I had a pizza.  But I only ate half of it.  I took the rest home with me and ate it the day after Christmas--for breakfast. 

Pizza and Beat literature + Texas = "needs EDUMAKATION".  At least "Big Sur", a nice indie movie about Jack Kerouac having an alcohol-fueled nervous breakdown in which he saw skeletons and stuff is available on Netflix. 

Good luck on that, cowboy.  Have a cigar. 

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@kergo1spaceship @MattL11  

If your pizza is constructed correctly, the crust-to-topping ratio should be such that you are not left with a pile of pizza-bones to contend with, anyway.

Over-crusting is a serious problem in the takeout pizza realm. 

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz @jjerrier  wait, when you label an ex by a number that means you have multiple ex husbands.  crazy cat lady has as many ex husbands as she does cats

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@kergo1spaceship "Folks, nothing is better than a nice draft, and a Margherita pizza on a Saturday."


I wouldnt disagree with this 2 years ago but I will now.  Nothing is better than a nice draft and a brisket in the smoker while my 2 y.o. runs circles in the backyard chasing the dogs tails on Saturday

gordonhilgers
gordonhilgers

@ChrisYu @gordonhilgersI don't use dressing.  Dressing is for fashionistas. 

Real human beings are more than clothing.  Dressing and dress-up dolls.  Nothing like vegetables for dinner, is there? 

ChrisYu
ChrisYu

@gordonhilgers   you might want to check the expiration date on your ranch bottle, cowboy.

gordonhilgers
gordonhilgers

@kergo1spaceship Oh.  By the way, I have met some real beatniks, and the beat-off-niks of Dallas's basement culture simply do not cut the mustard regarding tramps hitchin' and ditchin' all across the United States.  What's up with a Dallas beat-off-nik reading "Beat poetry" off a $300 cell phone, driving an expensive motorcycle and getting 33 buck haircuts complete with beautiful manikin women stepping-in and serving as their moms? 

Strained spaghetti.  Not a clam-digger in sight, and no warpaint, butterflies or even sunflowers used as scepters by two lonely tramps caught in between two parked locomotives going in opposite directions, on the way to Nowheresville and playing tunnel tennis with the slackers who think throwing-onto a freight should only be done when the train is in the yard, and from what I've heard, the Eisenhower Tunnel that cuts clean through the continental divide is literally full of skeletons of kids thinking trampster is equal to hipster, and not a nickel-sized hole in single shoe in the entire theater. 

What is that carpet doing on the box down there in the basement about anyway?  Kerouac could spit him some jazz, but the Dallas "neo-nuevo beat-off-nik" couldn't match Mingus or Mulligan with lunch on the side. 

Gimme a slice with everything on it.  A pizza my mind. 

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

@gordonhilgers  


Jesus man, good work!  That's more insane than my monthly rants....I take it all back. 

Joshstruckoutagain
Joshstruckoutagain

@juanmayeaux @ScottsMerkin@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz@jjerrier Don't ask, don't tell brutha.

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