Ted Cruz Admits He Hates Avocados, Is No Longer Fit to Serve Texas

Categories: Complaint Desk

tedcruz_opt.jpg
"Well ... I mean ... Do you at least like salsa?"
Since his election, Texas Senator Ted Cruz has riled liberals and even irked fellow conservatives with a faux filibuster, his condescending tone with other lawmakers and his willingness to hold the country's economy hostage to score cheap points with his base. But this week, Cruz crossed the uncrossable line, breaching an ideological wall that no Texas lawmaker has breached before or ever will again.

Ted Cruz, the Observer has learned, hates avocado.

Cruz revealed this disturbing truth in an interview with The Des Moines Register in which he admitted that he "despises" avocado and also admitting he "dislikes it passionately." This is extremely distressing and raises major questions about his judgment and abilities to represent the people of the great state of Texas.

Cruz also said he wasn't serving in office because he desperately needed 99 new friends in the US Senate. Well he might want to think again because guess how many friends he has back home now? None, because Ted Cruz just spit on something we hold dear. Dissing guacamole is a sin against Texas and cannot stand.

Texans deserves a senator that represents our interests, and Cruz is clearly unfit for such a task because he doesn't even understand the people he is serving. How can you understand Texas if you don't enjoy chips and guacamole on a sunny patio every once and awhile, or if you've never discovered that perfect mix of avocado, lime juice, and salt at home? There was a time in my life when I didn't like guacamole, but I was 10 and then I got over it. Now I couldn't imagine my life without it. It would be like being colorblind but with my mouth. The things we eat literally become part of the cells in our bodies, and Cruz's cells aren't made of any guacamole. Which means I can't trust him. He might as well have been born in Kenya.

This also explains Cruz's outsider persona. Everyone else in his family loves avocados, yet Ted Cruz stands alone, the sole disdainer of the sacred avocado. I assume he has family members who don't speak to him anymore. Because, let's face it, this is the most mortifying thing Cruz has said or done since being elected to office. And considering the depth and breadth of all that is Cruz, that is saying a lot.

This is what happens when we elect a Canadian. We have only ourselves and the general crumbling of our political system and culture at large to blame. Well not me, because I voted for someone else. But you know who you are. And you know what to have to d: Avocados in 2018.


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32 comments
WhatItIz
WhatItIz

I VOTED FOR SOMEONE ELSE, TOO!!!!

BobInFrisco
BobInFrisco

Whatdayamean ... no longer fit to serve. Village idiot Ted Cruz has never been fit to serve as anything more than a potted plant.

J_A_
J_A_

Mmmm avocados are so delightful! Sometimes I crave them just by themselves with a little salt & pepper.

hamanj
hamanj

Dr. Seuss and guacamole.  Bet he puts beans in his chili too.

CitizenKane
CitizenKane

At least he doesn't Eat Dogs; Obama has admitted to eating Fido.


drcrossjohn
drcrossjohn

No longer fit to serve Texas? When was he ever fit?

mavdog
mavdog topcommenter

This is not surprising.

Cruz is like the guy who smoked, quit, and now demands that smoking be outlawed.

most avocados are brought into the USA after being born somewhere else, just like Cruz was. Cruz refuses to eat one and wants them all rounded up and sent back to where they came from.

jamessavik
jamessavik

My mom doesn't like avocados. Try to throw her out and she'll beat you with a broom.

ChrisYu
ChrisYu

hmmmm.....where does he stand on craft cocktails?

everlastingphelps
everlastingphelps topcommenter

 Meh.  Avocados are a California and Mexico thing.  I don't care to eat the mushy globs of fat either, and I'll put my Texan bona fides against yours any day.  It's not like he's putting beans in his chili.

NewsDog
NewsDog

recall     Recall    RECALL

Twinwillow
Twinwillow

If this jerk runs for president, I'll be the first demanding to see HIS birth certificate.

DeLaNate
DeLaNate

I hear Canadians put mayonnaise in their guacamole.

tb00
tb00

Well, THAT tears it!

lolotehe
lolotehe

@CitizenKane Meh. A guy wants to compare a grown man with a 6-yr-old child; I say, let him.

drcrossjohn
drcrossjohn

@everlastingphelps OMG I can't believe you said that. FYI Avocados are a fruit so they carry ZERO grams of fat. Lots of oils, of course, but last I heard they are of the healthy kind. I do agree that you have to get the right kind of avocados. The absolute best are from Mexico and California. That crap they grow in Florida tastes like... crap.

CitizenKane
CitizenKane

@Twinwillow You don't need to demand it;  Cruz has already made it available for public scrutiny.......unlike Obama who hid his for years from the electorate !

BTW, did you know Obama claimed in his biography to have been born in Kenya ?

His literary agent said so; and for years, Obama never disputed that fact !  At least, not until he wanted to run for President.

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/timstanley/100158834/


Readtheentirearticle
Readtheentirearticle

You are aware that he was born in Canada (mentioned in above article) and therefore can not run for president. Maybe try reading some actual news instead of just Dallas restaurant blogs.

wahoo74105
wahoo74105

You're quoting a blog as your reference? Do you work for Fox? Being the first biracial President im pretty damn sure that the political party pushing Obama knew there would be racism and other issues so checking his birth status certainly would have been scrutinized from the get go. I suppose you think he designed the healthcare website too.

everlastingphelps
everlastingphelps topcommenter

Where did I ever say that fat was unhealthy? I'm not even of the opinion that saturated fats are bad. As far as I can tell, only transfats are bad for you. (Refined carbs seem to be much more dangerous.)

I still stand by my initial post. I have no desire to dig on a big pile of mushy, oily fat.

mavdog
mavdog topcommenter

@everlastingphelps @drcrossjohn

but "fat" is not always bad or unhealthy to eat. just like people, there are good and bad fats...

  1. "absorption of two key carotenoid antioxidants—lycopene and beta-carotene—increases significantly when fresh avocado (or avocado oil) is added"
  2. "While it is true that avocado is a high-fat food (about 85% of its calories come from fat), the fat contained in avocado is unusual and provides research-based health benefits"

http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&dbid=5

CitizenKane
CitizenKane

@wahoo74105 


You can find the report regarding Obama's biography stating he is from Kenya from other sources;  the story hasn't been disputed;  even Obama's literary agent agrees the Obama biography says he was born in Kenya.


Twinwillow
Twinwillow

@Mervis_Earl Thanks for backing me up. The jerk who replied to my comment obviously needs to follow his own advice.

Of course I read and watch the news. And, I even watch Fox. Blech!

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