Trees' "Hell In a Bucket" Concoction Is Neither Hell Nor A Bucket

Categories: Drinking

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Jaime-Paul Falcon
"Bucket" indeed.

The concoction you see above is 32 ounces of Adios Motherfucker. "What's an Adios Motherfucker?" you might be asking. Well, according to the internet, it's a mixture of rum, gin, vodka, tequila, blue curacao, and 7-Up. It's known as the drink of destruction, one that sends you well over the limit and into the night to do misdeeds. Trees sells this for $14 and you even get to keep the cup.

Let me drive this home. For just 14 measly smackers you can get 32 ounces of almost pure liquor. You can have a 32-ounce margarita, a 32-ounce Long Island, or a 32-ounce Adios Motherfucker. Plus you get to keep the collectable cup. They call this tier of mayhem "Hell In A Bucket," and after you order your drink, pat yourself on the back because you just gamed the system at Trees. A beer here is $5, most shots are $6, and you just bought four shots for almost nothing.

At the front of Trees there's a coin-operated breathalyzer that tells you if you're safe to drive. Seeing this, I decide an experiment needs to occur -- I need to order a Hell in a Bucket and see if I'm safe to leave the venue once done. Throwing caution to the wind I order the Adios Motherfucker and watch in dismay as the bartender grabs two bottles and gives them a heavy pour. He then repeats this step with two different bottles. Then a mixture of blue curacao and 7-Up went into the cup and it was handed to me. I took a sip, and immediately said, "This was a bad idea."

A quarter of the way through my Hell In a Bucket I felt nothing. I concentrated on taking in the show around me. I was even slightly perturbed when halfway through the drink I still didn't feel a thing. At this point I considered ordering a second round, but lo and behold three-quarters of the way through the 32 ounces of madness shit began to get real. My speech slurred, I gladly accepted a drink from a random person, I finished the Hell In A Bucket, and then I completely lost track of time.

Somewhere around mid-encore I remembered I needed to go to the in-house breathalyzer and find out the damage. Therein lies the rub. The breathalyzer is coin-operated, I had no coins, and when I asked the bartenders at Trees for change I was informed that there were no quarters in the whole of Trees as their customers don't use them. Predictably, I had got drunk and my plans had gone to shit. So without the machine to tell me how inebriated I was, how could I possibly judge? Well, I was slightly slurring, I was being a little loud, but I had my wits about me enough to turn down a request for a hotel afterparty. So, loud? Yes. Obnoxious? Certainly. Dumb enough to go to a random person's hotel room? No.

You may be dangerous, Hell in a Bucket, but you're not that dangerous. Also, your collectable cup is just some plain green cup, and that sucks. Put some etched white lettered "Trees" on that shit, or "I drank the Bucket," or just make it into the shape of a tree. Give us something to work with here. Fuck, instead of giving me this green plastic, make a custom 32-ounce bucket. I'd go to town on an actual bucket like I was Mr. Ed after a long day of shooting.


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25 comments
primi_timpano
primi_timpano topcommenter

Something like that was served to me a long time ago. It wasn't a good thing.

If I want the strong stuff at a bar I go to the loon. Not 32oz but their drinks are extremely efficacious.

genrox
genrox

Since I'm not drinking anymore, can you try this for me @Zachary Luz ....thanks. 

openintro
openintro

pro tip: order your drinks from the upstairs bar. the pours are better :)

James Savik
James Savik

don't smoke while you are drinking that molotov cocktail

Shannon Morris Talbert
Shannon Morris Talbert

I have always had to "pre-booze" before going to Trees because their drinks are usually over-priced and not strong enough. Might have to try this one the next time I'm there

Linda Pyle Bubel
Linda Pyle Bubel

Suzanne Cross Shelton - please go check this out.....it's important. Thank you.

Joe Bannon
Joe Bannon

haven't heard about tees in a long time. how they doin?

Steve Hunter
Steve Hunter

Sounds like dangerous over-serving to me

Tina Camille Higgins
Tina Camille Higgins

i did read the article and if one drink can do that to you, its still over serving, doesn't matter if its 4 shots or not, its how they are measured. I've bartended, i know the difference

Kelly Tomlinson
Kelly Tomlinson

Read the article, it's only four shots of liquor. The rest is ice and mixer.

Roy Rivera
Roy Rivera

Jesus! Sign me up to try one of those.

Tina Camille Higgins
Tina Camille Higgins

i love bloody marys and you got me very curious on this one, it sounds delicious!

Alicia Lewis
Alicia Lewis

Lost Society served those...and...they are GREAT!!!

Angela Thompson
Angela Thompson

I just still crave a pepperered beef jerky-laden Bloody Mary.

Tina Camille Higgins
Tina Camille Higgins

better enjoy, I guarantee you TABC is gonna jump all over them eventually, because technically that is over serving by far, even if it is $14, 32oz of pure liquor is stupid

Nictacular
Nictacular

I may have to rage to Air Review if I drink a couple of these...

Reece Hall
Reece Hall

Looks like I'll be attending a lot more shows at Trees

duanewmurphy
duanewmurphy

@Angela Thompson , Please explain to me why you think "grabs two bottles and gives them a heavy pour. He then repeats this step with two different bottles. Then a mixture of blue curacao and 7 Up went into the cup " is indicative of a "bloody mary"

yum yum yum blue curacao and TOMATO JUICE,.   

monstruss
monstruss

@Alicia Lewis Ya here that? Trees is now on par with Lost Society. HA!

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