Learning to Embrace the Smoothies at Green Grocer So My Heart Doesn't Explode

Categories: Eat This

This is so not a burger.
Yesterday I stood at the counter of the Green Grocer, yoga mat on my my shoulder, and ordered a smoothie with hemp seeds and almond milk listed as ingredients. Yes: I felt as weird as that sounds.

I'm not a healthy eater. I'm a life-long burger addict, a lover of Reubens and a devout follower of anything that involves melted cheese. My default meal to grill at home is even more burgers, and anything that emerges from a deep fryer makes me twitch with anticipation. Stopping off for a smoothie after yoga class is not in my repertoire. Yoga wasn't even supposed to be in my repertoire.

But my doctor and I recently had a sit down about some of my levels, which are all out of whack. If I can't get things in check then pills are in order. I like to think I'm a little young for one of those day-by-day pill boxes, which is why I spent 10 minutes trying to decide between the Popeye and the Godzilla, two viscous beverages the color of lawn clippings that are allegedly good for me.

I decided on the Popeye. Sydney, who was working the bar, asked me if I'd like to try a shot of wheat grass, too. I said yes, and then feared my doctor's warning had come much too late. Clearly I was having a stroke, making decisions like these.

Wheat grass juice, for the uninitiated, smells a lot like the underside of a lawnmower that's recently been shoved through a thick, wet lawn. Sydney told me the Green Grocer's wheat grass is special because it's grown outside like grass was meant to be.

They serve it with an orange wedge, presumably because it's as tough to get down as a shot of rail gin, but it's actually not terrible if you can ignore the smell. It's got a mild, vegetal flavor with a lingering sweetness that's almost nice, though there's a high probability that's a blood clot talking.

The smoothie, on the other hand, required no work to ingest. It was sweet and light, despite containing hemp and chia seeds and even raw spinach. It tasted very little like this burger, which I'm still trying to get over, but it was completely satisfying. If I can get one of these strange concoctions down to stave off a meal or two, I'm almost excited to try another.

Right after I go grab that burger.


My Voice Nation Help

Wheatgrass is disgusting. I think it's funny when people go to Smoothie King and Jamba Juice and think they are "dieting" or being "healthy". It may be better than a burger but some of those get up to 600 calories for essentially a liquid lunch. No thanks.


Yesterday I stood at the counter of the Green Grocer, yoga mat on my my shoulder

Scott, with sentence I'm going to have adjust my mental image of you.

primi_timpano topcommenter

So true. So hard to disinherit one's genes. Nice first step, but juice without the fiber is not so great. In Scott's work going full Pritikin is impossible. Maybe a meatless month series of articles would give his liver and arteries a vacation and satisfy readers. I would be grateful for the series.


Oh gawd; the advice police in action..................kind of like Matt Lauer telling us for the umpteenth time that "too much stress in your life is bad"..................

Btw; how do you think GG is doing ?  I have been there a few times and the place is always empty !    tick, tick, tick.

ChrisYu topcommenter

moderation pal. you can still have your burgers. find that balance. exercise and never use the word 'diet'. it works for me, and i'm well past 40.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

Why are you going to the other extreme?  Drinking grass juice?  No way.

Fire up bland veg with hot peppers.  Marinate salmon and lean meat in ginger and soy sauce. 

Just a couple of hundreds of ways to eat great and keep your arteries squeaky clean.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

@primi_timpano If it's genetic, statins can help immensely with lowering LDL, and there are possibly other health benefits to the drug as well.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

@CitizenKane No.  Not police.  Not Nanny State.  A lot of us have a passion for healthy eating and healthy lifestyle choices.  Look at our nation and its citizens.  Obesity and diabetes are epidemic.  We need to talk it up as much as we can.

TheCredibleHulk topcommenter


I can see how his particular line of work might make it a bit more difficult to keep that extra few pounds off, though.


@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz @CitizenKane 

I think scott is well aware of obesity and related diseases; so, yes, the lecturing (at Scott and others in this thread) is being a nagging nanny.........

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

@TheCredibleHulk I dunno.  You can be thin and have fat arteries.  But, I agree.  Diets are a terrible idea.  A burger once in a while won't hurt.

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