Watermelon Oreos Exist. Plus 5 Guesses for the Next Frightening Flavor They'll Create.

Categories: Lists

No. Nobody wants these Watermelon Oreos, Oreo. Stop trying to be gum.

Apparently, Oreo cookies have recently decided that they'd like to be Doritos. I was in Walmart the other day (because I hadn't showered recently enough to be allowed into Target) and there, while questing for these unwantable new Watermelon Creme Oreos, I saw at least 20 different Oreo flavor options. Including, but not limited to: Golden Oreos, Banana Split Creme Oreos, Birthday Cake Oreos, Cool Mint Oreos, Peanut Butter Oreos, Chocolate Berry Burst Oreos, and (most confusing of all) Summer Oreos (with blue centers in the middle. Summer tastes like blue toilet water looks? OK).

When did Oreo start screwing with their recipe? Nobody asked us about this when it was up for decision at the giant, must-be-shaped-like-a-bigass-Oreo-Oreo-board-of-directors table. If they had, we would have said, "That's super dumb. Nobody wants to eat actual watermelons with Oreos. Why in the many fucks would they want to eat fake watermelon with Oreos? (And here's where I slap your face.)"

Based on their recent weird-ass-flavor-inventing history, here are our five predictions for the next frightening flavor of Oreo:

1. Whitening Strip Oreos
Whiten your teeth while giving yourself cavities! Makes sense! It's exactly what you want from a cookie!

Blindingly white teeth instead of those weird grey Oreo-crusted teeth. Hell yes.

2. 4th of July Picnic Oreos
These kickass new Oreos taste like brisket-beer-binge burps and accidentally exploded-off fingers! Dip them in barbecue sauce for a real treat. What more could you want from a cookie?

Mmm. Missing limbs.

3. Sriracha Oreos
We're actually 100 percent on board with this idea. This is not a joke idea. These would be delicious, just based on science. Sriracha + (anything) = awesome.


4. Doritos Tacos Locos Taco Bell Oreos
Finally. Doritos Taco Bell Oreos! So many logos on this packaging, it has to be good!


5. Walk of Shame Oreos
They taste like sanitary wipes and regret! Swallow 'em -- don't spit, you cookie slut!

Convenient sanitary wipes included!

Dear Oreos: Just be Oreos, y'all. You're weird and awesome just the way you are, and everyone will still like you. Promise. You don't have to be flavor blasted to be lovable. (But if you do get Sriracha-ed, we're definitely going to try those.)

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TheCredibleHulk topcommenter


Foot flavored Oreos would taste like your feet smell upon removing your shoes after walking all afternoon on the hot asphalt of the State Fair of Texas on a 102 degree late summer day.

Feet, maybe.

Jason Reynolds
Jason Reynolds

Lays potato chips just had this flavor on the shelves last month moron!!

Sharon_Moreanus topcommenter

how funny my cracker friends prefer the chicken Oreos.


locally sourced Oreos.

Jennifer Banta
Jennifer Banta

I was tempted to try them. I think some here would prefer the sriracha.

Dan Schulz
Dan Schulz

Pretty sure the Observer would report this as a racist comment.


In Oklahoma, they recommend:

sweaty, puffy belly creme

Edward D Mota
Edward D Mota

Gimmick flavors are nothing new. Go to a Big Lots and you will find all kinds of weird Oreos and other stuff. Great place to chip experiment.


"When did Oreo start screwing with their recipe?"

When they realized the people of Walmart will buy any flavored cookie labeled, "Oreo" and "limited edition"?

TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@Edward D Mota 

Big Lots: Where failed cookie and chip flavor experiments go to die.

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