Balls, Boobz, and Potatoes: The Cheap Bastard's Iron Fork Recap

Categories: Events

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Alice Laussade
Chef Scott Romano food fights with chef Matt McCallister at Iron Fork 2013.
Last night at Iron Fork, a bunch of hipster food people got together and ate food at each other while wearing fashion clothes at the Dallas Contemporary. It was fun.

See also:
- The 11 Best Bites from the Dallas Observer Iron Fork 2013
- The People and The Food of Iron Fork 2013

I heard it was also hot. (I was definitely sweating like a pregnant pig, but I'm a pregnant pig. For me, it was so hot, even the balls I'm currently creating were sweaty. But, like I said, that was just me. Maybe everyone else was super cold. At one point, chef Scott Romano did ask for a fan to be turned off. So, I guess he was chilly.)

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Alice Laussade
My Smart Water was like, "Dude, it's kinda hot up in here."

Attendees were treated to sample portions of dishes from approximately one million restaurants all over town, and there was a definite overuse of the word "nibble." VIPs horked down steak from Bob's Steak & Chop House with big, very important smiles on their faces in a room that had "LUST NEVER SLEEPS" written on the wall.

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Chef Brian C. Luscher showed up in this interesting, but appropriate, ensemble. And yes, he ate food through the mask.

While guests listened to an nst-nst-nst-remix of "Billy Jean," the Iron Fork Chef Competition raged. Returning two-time Iron Fork Competition winner chef Scott Romano battled against FT33's chef Matt McCallister. The competition is much like Iron Chef: a secret ingredient is revealed, and both chefs are required to make two dishes using the ingredient in 30 minutes.

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Chef Matt McCallister's shrimp, clams, potatoes and magic dish

The esteemed panel of judges for the competition included Maple & Motor's Jack Perkins, The Grape's executive chef Brian C. Luscher and some chick named Alice.

The Kent Rathbun hosted the competition and checked in with the chefs periodically as they created their dishes. Rathbun revealed the secret ingredient (brought to us by Whole Foods): POTATOES.

Neither chef skipped a beat as they rushed for the potato table to grab ingredients. Both chefs should be commended for their bravery in dealing with such a difficult secret ingredient. I'm pretty sure this was the first time either of them had worked with potatoes. I, for one, had never even heard of potatoes. (Turns out, they're super delicious.)

As Rathbun observed Romano prepping a risotto dish, he noted, "That's a lot of balls. A lot of individual balls." Later, Romano burned his hand on a bowl, which fell into the crowd. It was intense, but thankfully, everyone survived.

Meanwhile, the judges took the competition very seriously. I studied my ballot carefully.

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Alice Laussade

"Can I get a drink?" asked Luscher, directly into his microphone. As McCallister carefully plated a dish, Perkins asked, "Chef, are those tweezers? Can I borrow your tweezers?"

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Chef Matt McCallister's tweezed potatoes and greens and amazetits salad

As you would expect from these two chef powerhouses, all of the food that they presented was amazing. McCallister went home with the competition win and a sweet trophy, but Alaskan Brewing Co. is sending both chefs to Cordova, Alaska, to go Copper River Salmon fishing. Learning: In an Iron Fork Chef Competition, everyone wins.

Sincerest thanks to the chefs for competing, thanks to the attendees for laughing at Jack Perkins' dong jokes, and thanks to Kent Rathbun for driving away after the party like such a stud.

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Kent Rathbun's sweet, sweet Porsche.

Up next. A few GIFs of the competition from Catherine Downes.


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16 comments
Steve
Steve

How about a GIF of Rathbun shoehorning that ass into that car?

primi_timpano
primi_timpano topcommenter

Error due to crappy LiveFyre software.

Mervis_Earl
Mervis_Earl

I always thought things were horked "up", no?

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

sweet Porche, love the yellow because you know as if driving a $100k car isnt enough, it must be able to be seen for miles!

Nicole Gossling
Nicole Gossling

Hahaha, What a hilariously sarcastic awesome review!

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@TheCredibleHulk Hell yeah, if Im ever fortunate enough to be able to afford a Supercar, It will be yellow, red, or Orange.  It truly is a shame that we allow yellow on any car less than $50k.  No one should be driving around in a yellow Civic, Corolla, or Cobalt.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@primi_timpano 

*ha ha*

As I walked out the door trying to soothe my poor, bruised and battered credit-card, the guy says to me, "Might as well give yourself a few weeks to recover from this and get ready for timing chain, belts and water pump. Best to do it before 150,000 miles."

Seems right, I recall my 84 Accord hatchback dropping  one at around 130-140,000.

(I wish my biggest problem was picking out which particular Porsche-hue got the best resale.)

primi_timpano
primi_timpano topcommenter

No timing chain? I'm on 70k miles and not looking forward to this. So far my Subaru is ok, only a buggy headlight, window motor and struts have gone wrong. Not cheap at about $2000 all in.

I hear red, white and black are the best Porsche resale colors.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@TheCredibleHulk @ScottsMerkin ma had a 93 Ex coupe drove it to 160k before she traded it for a 99 EX, drove that bitch for another 160k and bought the civic equivalent TSX.  Ive had a 93 del sol, bought it with 60k drove till almost 200k.  Love my Hondas man.I hope my current SI turns into an old girl with me too.  

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@ScottsMerkin 

Nope. mines a "classic".  2003  2 door (no kids) LX, 5-speed. Still looks and runs like a champ, though.

Other than a battery, oil changes & gas, I've never had so much as a "low oil" warning until last week when the "check engine" light blinked on. Burned up some sensors and finally needed a clutch and some power steering work at 130,000 miles. It cost me $1500, but averaged over a decade, I can't complain.

Looked at and drove the Si about a year ago and loved it, but just couldn't justify selling the old girl.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

mine is dyno blue pearl, si 4dr version, wife made me go kid friendly. you got the si?

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