Burger King Offers Delivery In Houston. Not in Dallas. Screw You, King of Burgers.

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If you're gonna do drug or booze stuff this weekend, do it in Houston, where Burger King is now offering burger delivery. Houstonites can order a Delivery Deal that's 10 cheeseburgers and 20 chicken nuggets. Delivery hours are 11 a.m. until 10 p.m. every day.

And that's great. For Houston. But, what about Dallas? What in the burger hell, Burger King? Dallas isn't cool enough for you? Fine. Turns out, we hate your stupid burgers anyhow. You are no King of Burgers. We can do better. And we will.

We now call upon you, Off-Site Kitchen. Hear our cries, Maple & Motor. Angry Dog, please to drive your foods to our drunk-at-home face holes. Or, hey SMU Business Major Student Person, start a burger delivery business. College kids in Boulder, Colorado, started a successful maid service for The Hungover a while back, so you have the power to corner a pothead burger market. Get on it.

We don't want a shitty chain burger delivered to our homes. We want a real, delicious, groan-inducing burger to show up on our doorstep like a burger hooker we just bootycalled. You could call the service Burger Hooker Bootycall. You could charge hundreds. Up-charge for a burger lap dance. Everyone. Wins.

Please make Burger Hooker Bootycall a thing, Real Dallas Kings of The Burger. Please now.


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16 comments
Puja Maharaj
Puja Maharaj

Chandi Maharaj it really is come and get your burger

Sara Ashley Mesler
Sara Ashley Mesler

Ugh people are fat enough...force them to at least come face to face with their diabetes rather than let them softly cry at home to themselves while they eat to their death.

RoBerts ErIc
RoBerts ErIc

in ten years there wont be a burger king

Allissa Stephens
Allissa Stephens

They are just using Houston as a test market to see how it works out.

Ricardo Paniagua
Ricardo Paniagua

you should actually be proud. Austin would never have that either. don't be silly d.o.

Craig Monroe
Craig Monroe

Houston is also getting black sabbath and Dallas is not... Getting treated like the Texas step-child...

Darren Dupre
Darren Dupre

Why would I want a mediocre fast-food burger delivered anyway?

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

They also haven't opened a BK Whopper Bar here, either.  No big deal, though, except you can get beer and a tiny bit of fancy shmancyness.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@RoBerts ErIc

Regicide? 

Will there be an uprising?

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