Poll: What Food Thing Should We Celebrate in May?

Look, as green things go, asparagus deserves more respect than, say, Brussels sprouts. But a whole month?
OK, this national food holiday thing is officially out of control. The Internet tells us that May has 10 different National Food Month options for you to choose from, actually including:

National Asparagus Month
National Barbecue Month
National Salad Month
National Salsa Month
National Strawberry Month
National Mediterranean Diet Month
National Hamburger Month
National Egg Month
National Gazpacho Aficionado Month
National Chocolate Custard Month

I will now ask the serious, hard-hitting question: What the hell, people?

Even if we take the giant leap and accept that we need national food months, what in the balls is the point of naming a dang national food month if you won't decide on one thing to celebrate? Did they just let everyone in? How the hell did National Gazpacho Aficionado Month get invited to the party? I assume National Gazpacho Month applied, and The Board Of People Who Decide Which National Holiday Months Get To Be National Holiday Months was like, "No way. But, National Gazpacho AFICIONADO Month? OH HELLZ YES."

(If you're wondering where these food holidays come from, in some cases brands make them up and hope they stick, and in other cases, they get President Clinton to proclaim a holiday.

There are contenders in the group that definitely make sense: National Barbecue Month in May seems like the obvious choice (if we're not considering National Barbecue Year), and even National Hamburger Month in May seems like a home run. I could even go with National Strawberry Month. Possibly.

But National Asparagus Month? Seriously? Maybe -- maaaaaaybe you could sway me to consider National Asparagus Day. Or National Asparagus Half Day. But, 31 days of celebrating asparagus? That's way too much love for asparagus (and asparagus' inevitable after effect: pissparagus).

Maybe I'm alone on this. Maybe nobody thinks it should be National Barbecue Month and everyone thinks we should be celebrating National Salad Month. In any case, we'll all be better off if we can focus on one National Food Month for May. Let's take a vote. Which Food Thing do you want to celebrate for the entire month of May? There can be only one.

In the meantime, while we wait for results you get to use May as a Choose Your Own National Food Month Adventure, I guess. Just consider the air quality of your cubemates and work from home for a month if you choose National Egg Month, 'k?

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My Voice Nation Help

Another vote for pissparagus.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

I didn't choose Mediterranean Diet, but that's the only diet I would ever consider if I were to go on a diet.  Luscious fresh seafood; fragrant, heavenly olive oil; crunchy, refreshing greens; balsamic vinegar; delicious nuts and sweet fruits!

TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

Fucking asparagus on the fucking grill.

Fuck yeah!

Fucking love it.

Smell my pissparagus, bitches!

ScottsMerkin topcommenter

NAtional Asparagus Month AKA National Your Piss Will Stink Month

Coleman Chance
Coleman Chance

Looks like all of the good foods have already been used, sooo...National Edible Flower Month? National Edible Flower Month.

TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@cheapbastard @TheCredibleHulk 


Fucking asparagus, all the way.

primi_timpano topcommenter

There is a great Babe Ruth story involving asparagus.

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