Texas Rangers Invested in a Plethora of Glorious Gut Bombs This Off Season. Our Top Ten.

Categories: Food News

Rossome Boomstick .jpg
The Texas Rangers have been busy this off-season. No, not building a better bullpen. Who cares about that? Instead, they've been building amazing plates of glorious food.

While trying to orchestrate the feeding of an estimated 25,000 hot dogs to baseball fans next Friday at Opening Day, Casey Rapp with Metroplex Sportservices over at the Ballpark, let me have a sneak peek of the new menu for the concession stands. Garlic fries should be in fear for their lives. Here are the top 10 NEW reasons to take yourself out to the ball game.

In order of importance...

10. The Ranch Hand Steak Sandwich: Sliced steak topped with a tangy sauce and haystack onions on a toasty ciabatta roll.

9. Chopped Buffalo Fries: Waffle cut fries with chicken tossed in wing sauce, topped with jalapeños.

8. Smokehouse Fries: Waffle cut fries with brisket and barbecue sauce, topped with fried onions. Serious.

7. Ballpark BBQ Bowl: Fresh fried 'tater chips cuddling with either brisket, chicken or taco meat covered in barbecue sauce, nacho cheese, onions and jalapeno peppers. Perrrrfect.

6. Island Style Bowl: Bacon always wins. Remember that. Fresh potato chips with again your choice of protein, then add bacon, pineapple salsa and sweet peppers.

5. Bases Loaded: The base of chips and meat, then BACON, nacho cheese sauce (should I just stop? No? Keep going? OK.) sour cream and chives, because any green makes it good for you.

4. Macho Nacho Fries: Waffle cut fries loaded with taco meat, pico, sour cream and tortilla strips. The menu doesn't mention cheese, but I'm sure that's negotiable. Has to be. Just has to.

3. Philly Cheesesteak Dog (I kid you not): A Nolan Ryan all-beef hot dog topped with Philly cheesesteak meat, Cheez Whiz, grilled peppers and onions.

2. Foot-Long Texas Dog: Chili, cheddar cheese and grilled onions. The way God intended it.

1. Southwest Chips: This is where we've thrown in the towel. Officially. Freshly fried potato chips with either brisket, chicken or taco meat smothered in queso, pico and sour cream. Just feels like home.

The Boomstick is still at the park, as is the Totally Rossome Boomstick, which has brisket on it. Plus, there's a foot-long Chicago dog and New York dog, which seem like lightweight food now.

You know what would be totally cool? Warm cheese dispensers (like in 7-Elevens) at the end of each row. That way, the cheese doesn't cool on the way to our seats. Then, as we pillage through the first level of shame, whilst making growling noises, we can easily get more cheese as we proceed to the second level of shame (and so forth). Maybe, even just stick our heads under it. Or invert it so it's more like a drinking fountain. No. Wait. I got it. A warm cheese fountain, like the chocolate fountains at weddings.

Here's a deal JD or Nolan, or whoever is wearing the pants today: If we promise to come to games when it's 117 degrees in August, then can we please get cheese fountains?

My Voice Nation Help
38 comments
kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

LDD, I thought we were going to ban the Facebook Trolls?  Just kidding you "sheople". Oooops, gotta go and check my status, maybe hook up with some 40 year old skank with a terrible smoking habit, a fupa, and two ex husbands. 


ps-Maybe you folks should shut down the old Acer, and head North of Paris.........I have it on high authority the Southern Pine Forest is beautiful this time of year. 

Stacy Anderson
Stacy Anderson

meh, I'll stick with the bacon dog found up in the cheap seats.

Buddy Whittenburg
Buddy Whittenburg

The Boomstick, S-Mart's top of the line, is produced in Grand Rapids, MI and served by Bruce Campbell.

Andrew Tucker
Andrew Tucker

Can't get that at Yankee Games, Michael Bloomberg would have you arrested!

Richard Oxford
Richard Oxford

Why is this news worthy this year ? They introduced it last season

Darrin Woodard
Darrin Woodard

Mmmmmm...cow lips and buttholes all squished in an intestine full of nitrates, fillers, and preservatives, all grilled to perfection covered in cheese. Not that's good "Aeytun".

Mike Langone
Mike Langone

It probably costs like what, $20.00? LOL

Nick Russo
Nick Russo

It's got cheese on it which causes cancer!

Doshia Marie
Doshia Marie

Ummmmm & full of Sodium Nitrates which cause cancer!

Rex Curry
Rex Curry

That must be called the "John Holmes".

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

No offense LDD, but I don't give a 'fugggh" about what foods they are serving at The Temple; what I am interested in is atleast 89 wins, a Yu 20 win season, Lance hitting 300+ (both weight and hitting), Colby getting back in the rotation, back to fundamental defense, and renewed prowess on the basepaths. That's it.  And, as I like to say every year, I'll drink 6 beers in the parking lot, and quaff down 2 hotdogs from QT (hard by The Temple), and save myself 80 bucks, and the violent, turbulent sh+ts. 

AL West-

1)Angels-91 Wins

2)Rangers 89 Wins (wild card)

3)A's-88 Wins

4)M's-81 Wins

5)Shitstro's-51 Wins

AL East-

1)Toronto 89 Wins

2)Red Sox/Orioles-86 Wins

3)Yanks-83 wins

4)Tampa-82 Wins

AL West.....Who Cares?

_______

AL MVP-Mike Trout

NL MVP-Bryce Harper

AL Cy Young-J. Lester

NL Cy Young-Strasburg

AL Champs-Angels

NL Champs-Washington

WORLD SERIES CHAMP's-Nationals in 6 games. 

---------

ps-I don't want to see any of you Metrosexual yuppies at the games this year; go do something else......I want to be able to drink beer in the sun, and yell obscenities at opposing right fielders (exception being the Red Sox). Other things I don't want to see:

1) Guys walking around with big fruity drinks

2) Dudes bringing the wife; unless she's hot, and scantily dressed

3) Affliction t shirts

4) Guys wearing sunglasses on the back of the head

5) People from Garland

6) No ties

7) people me 'down in front"

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Can professional food writers not come up with a better phrase than "gut bomb"?

DavyCrockett
DavyCrockett

Saw a dude about 5 foot 7, 175lbs eat one of those boomsticks last year by himself. A couple of innings later, he was all sweaty and he got up and never came back.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

no mention of the $28 Beltre Buster, a 1 pounder with a pretzel roll bun, or the $32 Murph-a-dilla?  Or you saving that for another post?

Bob1
Bob1

Texas glories in it's fat assedness.


danielslauren
danielslauren

@ScottsMerkin Not just "another post" hopefully many more. Hopefully a season of reporting on all the concession food at the Rangers. These are just the new things -- although they've probably always had chili cheese dogs, I just had to include it though. 

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@Bob1 you know, when you look around the ballpark and when they show it on TV, its generally not that fatasses that are eating this stuff.  Bit foods require bit players and no one likes bits more than late teens early 20's dudes with metabolisms faster that Usain Bolt in the 100.  Oh and I'd rather be a fatass than a pretentious dickhead from New york

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@danielslauren well then LDD, I look forward to "Tales From the Temple: How I Gained 40 Pounds in 3 Months, and No It Wasn't the Pregnancy"


PS  Ill give my comments as I try said fare at BPiA

Now Trending

From the Vault

 

Loading...