I Made Candied Bacon. Now You Make It. Now.

Categories: Eat This

candied bacon.jpg
Ina Garten's Barefoot Contessa Foolproof Cookbook
This is a crappy photo of a gorgeous photo in Ina Garten's cookbook. Photographer: Quentin Bacon. His name is BACON.

When I opened up this cookbook at Christmas, this was the recipe that had to be made. I waited for the right moment, then I tried it out. There are no photos of the results, because the results were eaten too quickly. I assure you, this bacon is amazing. It's sweet. It's spicy. And it's bacon. What could go wrong? Answer: Nothing. Not one thing.

Because when you create the equation candied + bacon, it only equals awesome. There's nothing else it can possibly equal. This bacon candy makes hot angels make out with other hot angels. It melts away all of your stupid work problems in one bite. This Candied Bacon punches Regular Bacon in the bacon nuts and Regular Bacon isn't even mad about it. Your face wants it. Your body needs it. Make it so.

candied bacon.jpg
Still from Ina Garten's Barefoot Contessa Foolproof Cookbook
This is the same photo. Again. Because, if you're not currently making this bacon, it's obviously because just needed to look at this picture one more time. Now, go make this bacon.

Caramelized Bacon (Originally from Ina Garten's Barefoot Contessa Foolproof Cookbook. Slightly tweaked.)

1/2 cup light brown sugar
1/2 cup pecans
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (I added a little more than that, because: awesome)
2 tablespoons maple syrup
1/2 pound thick-sliced applewood-smoked bacon

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Line a sheet pan with aluminum foil and place a wire baking rack on top.

Combine the brown sugar and pecans in a food processor and process until pecans are finely ground. Then, add salt, pepper and cayenne and pulse that shit. Add maple syrup and pulse again until moistened. Don't say "moistened" aloud, though. Gross.

Cut each bacon slice in half and line up the pieces on the baking rack. Make sure there's no bacon touching other bacon. There'll be no inappropriate bacon-to-bacon contact in this oven, bitches. With a small spoon, spread the pecan mixture onto the bacon slices. Use all that shit. Bake for 25-30 minutes, until topping is very brown, but not burned. Note: Don't underbake it, dumbass. It won't crisp as it cools.

Ina says to serve it at room temperature, but I'm not sure how one would do that. As soon as those bacons were out of the oven, they were in faces. If I had tried to stop the masses from eating them, I would most certainly have lost appendages.

Make this. Now. You're welcome.

candied bacon.jpg
Still from Ina Garten's Barefoot Contessa Foolproof Cookbook
Why must you insist on continuing to not yet make this bacon? Go make it.

My Voice Nation Help
J_A_ topcommenter

I'm sure this tastes fan-fuckin-tastic but it looks like the crap my dog makes on the daily.

Ambelleina Warwillow
Ambelleina Warwillow

Ok, I was going to click on this but the squashed roaches comment just killed it for me.

Dan Crawford
Dan Crawford

candied bacon looks like squashed roaches. is that the best picture it took?

Kasey Cheshier
Kasey Cheshier

awesome. sounds like a good breakfast idea tomorrow! :)

Montemalone topcommenter

Where do you put the eggs?

ScottsMerkin topcommenter

so I read the title an then read the first few sentences, looked at the photos and thought, WTF this is not a picture of Canadian Bacon.  Not until I did a triple take did I realize you said candied bacon.  Anywho, who gives a fuck, its bacon and it needs to be in my mouth and down to my belly as quickly as possible

ScottsMerkin topcommenter

@Mervis_Earl I have a friend who cant stand the word moist and will cringe and possibly hit you if you say it.  Has to do with some ex boyfriend who once asked her if she was moist down there, bc if so he couldnt wait to eat her yeast infection bc that made his bread rise.  Yeah I understand why now too

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