Girl Fight: Girl Scout Cookies versus Keebler's Knock-Off Girl Scout Cookies

Categories: Smackdown

thin mints vs grasshoppers.jpg
Which cookie will reign supreme?

Have you been complaining that Girl Scout cookies aren't available year-round? Have you hidden boxes from yourself in secret cabinets, cut cookies in half to save more for later and frozen Thin Mints and Samoas just to stretch out your supply until "next Girl Scout Christmas?"

Well, those jackass elves at Keebler heard you and they've been making knock-off Girl Scout Cookies (Which they should've named Gurrrrl Scout Cookies). But, there's no way they could be as delicious as real Girl Scout cookies, right?

Despite the fact that my husband said I was "shaming our entire family by bringing those fake-ass cookies into our home," I had to find out. I had to know if the elves had magically recreated Girl Scout cookies in easier-to-open packaging, but with shittier names.

And then I found out this fun fact: Legit Girl Scout cookies are not, as I had previously supposed, made by hand by the girl scouts in the Girl Scout Gumdrop Forest. They are, in fact, made by large national commercial bakeries under license from Girl Scouts of the USA. In 2008, Little Brownie Bakers (LBB), a subsidiary of Keebler, was licensed to bake Girl Scout cookies. So, are Keebler's versions of these cookies basically just like cheap, grocery store-branded sodas? Let's all hope so.

First up: Grasshoppers (Alias: Thin Mints).

grasshoppers.jpg
Shame on you for being awesome, Keebler elves.

Grasshoppers are Pretend Thin Mints. Only there seems to be a little more outer coating, making them fudgier and more delicious. I'd call them Fat Mints. Plus (if you give a shit about these kinds of things when you're eating cookies) they're fewer calories. And they're cheaper. And, let's not forget to point out: They're available at Walmart, so you can literally get them any hour of any day, when a craving hits.

If you like Girl Scout Thin Mints, you will, indeed, like Keebler Grasshoppers.

thin mints.jpg
Nice photography, Someone.

Next up: Coconut Dreams (Alias: Samoas)

coconut dreams.jpg
Shitty name, same cookie.

Coconut Dreams are the Keebler knock-off version of Girl Scout Samoas. Aside from having a dumpy name, Coconut Dreams are exactly the same as Samoas. And again, the Coconut Dreams are (barely) fewer calories and they're cheaper by the box.

If you like Samoas, you'll like Coconut Dreams (if you can get past the name).

samoas.jpg
I'm sure your speech is great, but your cookies are expensive.

(Side note: Keebler also makes Peanut Butter Filled cookies that are knock-offs of Tagalongs, but I didn't buy those because I'm not a die-hard Tagalong person and I'm not made of money. I had already spent $500 on an adequate stash of Grasshoppers, so I was tapped out. But, know that those exist.)

Sure, buying anything Keebler means that you're supporting their decades-shitty advertising campaign that details the horrifying magic elves slave labor factory inside a hollow tree that results in these delicious cookies. But, they're so cheap.

And it appears that the only thing you get from Girl Scout cookies that the Keebler Knock-Offs can't provide is appetizing photos of girls playing with dirt and giving what appear to be patriotic speeches about braces.

If you're all mad right now and you're thinking, "I also get to feel like I'm supporting a great organization when I buy from the Girl Scouts of America," I have two comments for you: 1) We're different. 2) If, for you, buying cookies really is about feeling good for contributing to an organization and it's not about "AAAAAHHH COOKIES YUMMY COOKIES I LIKE COOKIES," you could always just donate to their actual organization directly, right after purchasing Keebler cookies, if you want that feeling. Maybe you could even spring for more than a few bucks. Just a thought, you generous person, you.

Let me be clear: I've got no beef with the Girl Scouts of America, here. In fact, in the past, I've written about my great love for your products. I just want my Thin Mints all the dang time. And until you can deliver on that, Girl Scouts, I've gotta get my fix from those jerk-ass elves at Keebler.


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18 comments
meltowne
meltowne

Little Brownie Bakers has been making Girl Scout cookies for far longer than since 2008.  They were the ones that introduced Samoas over 25 years ago, which were then copied by the other baker (there were 5 or 6 bakers back then) and renames Caramel Delights.  So it's no surprise that Keebler's cookies are almost identical to the official Girl Scout versions, because they already had the recipes.  The thin mints and tagalongs were not their original creations, so they don't own the rights to those recipes, and probably can't legally reproduce them exactly, but they came up with the idea for the Samoa.

For those that wonder about donating, yes you can donate to your local troop, or to your council.  You can also donate directly to GSUSA.  Incidentally GSUSA does NOT get any money from cookie sales (except perhaps a licensing fee from the bakers.  All the money from that box of cookies you bought goes to the local troop and the local council - nothing to national headquarters.  They are funded through membership fees, donations, and grants.

lashonda3
lashonda3

I was just telling my sister Keebler made the Girl Scott cookies! I have been purchasing Keebler for years, I love their products. I still purchase Girl Scott cookies when to show my support. But really $3.50 for a box of cookies that can be purchased for $2.50 and Keebler has more in the box.

Nictacular
Nictacular

CARMEL DELITES > SAMOAS

Because racism.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

I think Girl Scouts are inherently tastier than elves.


Hello?!?! Brownies!

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

Those stupid elves should be replaced by cats.. cute, fluffy kitties.

brenbart
brenbart

Yes, it would be better to donate directly to Girl Scouts but most people don't.  Plus, if people did donate money it would most likely go to the troop you donated and leave GSUSA without funding.

I would consider the Keebler cookies knock-offs because I'm quite certain that GSUSA has a patent or copyright (whatever) on the official recipe for their cookies.  If Keebler is selling their own version they'd probably have to use a slightly different recipe.

 I would have less of a problem with Keebler selling Guuurrrrrlll scout cookies if the stores around here carried them year round.  However, in this area the only time you seem them on the shelf is the same time the Girl Scouts are selling their cookies.  

It just seems mean spirited to me.

matt
matt

Your comment section fucking blows

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

It's because there is the slightest bit of a difference. I'm not sure why-- maybe there are copyrights on the recipes?

Darren Dupre
Darren Dupre

I was going to tell you that Keebler *makes* the cookies for the Girl Scouts, but then I read the article and saw that you already acknowledged this, so I'm not entirely sure why you called them "knock-offs" when they're not.

Bobtex
Bobtex

Girl Scouts are great.  Their cookies are great.  But that's no reason to bash Keebler's elves.  After all, the only difference between Keebler's elves and Santa's elves is a whole lot of snow and ice, and year-round vs. seasonal employment.  And, unlike Hostess's elves, they still have a job.

Torchness
Torchness

@Myrna.Minkoff-Katz thanks for the heads up--without it I would have never known that a comment I tried to make on a Schutze article DAYS ago posted here a billion times. Yipes.  Hopefully, my deletions were successful.

stainles
stainles

You can't copyright a recipe; that is, you can't copyright a mere listing of ingredients, or a formula.

You CAN copyright the fixed literary expression of such things. In other words, someone can use your list of ingredients and your instructions ("Bake at 350 until done") but they can't use your exact words.

Reference: http://www.copyright.gov/fls/fl122.html

cheapbastard
cheapbastard

@Darren Dupre It's because there is the slightest bit of a difference between the GS version and the Keebler versions. I'd describe it as the difference between Diet Dr Pepper and Diet Dr B from HEB. I'm not sure why Keebler's version is a little different-- maybe copyrights of the recipes? But they're slightly different.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

@Torchness They're all gone, honey, relax.   [Myrna hands torch lady a cheese blintz and coffee].

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