Cool Ranch Tacos Are Happening Right Now

CoolRanchTacos.jpg
LDD
Drumroll starts low ... crescendo ... aaaaaaaand big cymbal crash!

The new Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos have arrived!

Actually, to steal the punch from the cymbal crash, it was available yesterday. You just had to know to ask for it, which I did because I live on the edge of society like that.

The taco shells have a moderate dusting of the trademark powdery spices of Cool Ranch chips and deliver that all-too-familiar characteristic tang. The flavors complement the taco meat spices, in a highly processed-food kind of way.

I particularly like the tidiness afforded with cardboard taco holder, although it seems like a huge waste of resources considering the tacos also come wrapped in paper. Wait ... now I don't like the cardboard holders anymore. Do we have to use those, Taco Bell?

I do, however, think there is opportunity to personalize and enhance your taco experience. That is, if you're so inclined to expend any energy on it:

Step 1: Squeeze a packet of hot sauce atop the cheese on your taco.

Step 2: Use a spork and, holding the taco holder (which we hate now), firmly yet gently toss your cheese, iceberg lettuce and meat all together. This will mix the "layers" of food and allow you to avoid a mouthful of shredded lettuce, which any other way is pretty much unavoidable every other bite. Because you bite high (lettuce), then low (meat), high then low, high then low, and so on. On average, 2.5 bites are nothing but shredded lettuce. Mix and avoid.

Well, that was like five steps all in one. Let's not make eating a taco more complicated than it needs to be though, OK?

Now, a promise from me to you:
I, Lauren Drewes Daniels, take an oath not to write about Cool Ranch anything for at least three two weeks. After which time Yum Brands will probably issue a press release about the gazillion tacos sold, which I'll just not be able to walk away from because it will be staggering.


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16 comments
kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

Why so many Facebook posts?  Was the Pinterest site down? 

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

This sh+t sounds awesome!  I have no problem with TB, except for the sterile conformity of those hot sauce packets......hell man, if Taco Bueno and Dell Taco can master a salsa bar, TB can't? 

Patrick Ramos
Patrick Ramos

they taste exactly like you think they would. volcano is still the best fast food taco of all time....of all time.

Cory Kent
Cory Kent

Um, because some of us aren't food snobs and can admit we like junky fast food.

Matt Macnamara
Matt Macnamara

No. I appreciate the hard work my digestive tract does and do not wish to disturb that

Kristen Lopez
Kristen Lopez

and the Doritos tacos aren't good. They don't taste like Doritos at all and the taco shell has an odd texture.

Kristen Lopez
Kristen Lopez

um because I grew up in the Rio Grande Valley where a couple family members work on he Mexican border and what you seem to think is authentic up here is not very good. besides, fast food is fast food.

Chris Bailey
Chris Bailey

Why on earth would you go to a Taco Bell in Dallas, when you have 1,000 better and more authentic options?

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

YO LDD, its ok to write about this, but we need a dispatch as to how they taste at midnight after a 6 hr bender, thats the true test of these.

Also you go high first huh?  I go low, on the left end to get the meat first

Mervis_Earl
Mervis_Earl

I don't mind a Taco Supreme every now and then but I cna't figure out why the shell can't survive the 4 minute drive home. The bottoms of those F'ers fall out everytime.

danielslauren
danielslauren

@Chris Bailey To write this report for you, good sir. I thought you were just wondering how they tasted, that's all. We've got tacos though. I think they're on the front page right now. 

danielslauren
danielslauren

@ScottsMerkin No, you're right. It's low first. But, then the pattern starts high low... yeah, maybe I was just all goofy after eating it. Thanks for not holding the fast-food dispatches against me. I think TB is starting to consider me a part time employee. 

And my late-night TB runs are pretty much non-existent these days. 

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