Dear M&M's: Stop With The Crappy Flavors. I'm Looking At You, Carrot Cake M&M's.

Categories: Complaint Desk

carrot cake m&ms.jpg
impulsivebuy.com
No. Stoppit.

M&M's are small chocolates with candy shells. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. And they're not fucking supposed to taste like carrot cake. Or candy corn. JUST BE M&M's, M&M's. It's not that hard.

Also, fire your marketing research team, M&M's, because if they said your target market wants you to taste like candy corn and carrot cake, they're wrong. Or they're trying to market you to the worst kind of human beings on this planet. Either way: fired.

candy corn m&ms.jpg
cre8tivecompass.com
Abomination.
We were all mad enough at you when you came out with white chocolate candy corn M&M's (because: dumb), but what on earth were you thinking with these carrot cake M&M's? "It's Eastertimes, so let's blow everyone's faces off with disgusting!"

Were there several other not-chocolate options on the table that were thrown out at the flavor concepting meeting?

m&ms concepting.jpg
"Lots of ideas were thrown out at the meeting, but it came down to either carrot cake or pasta bowl. We went with carrot cake this time around. The vote was NOT unanimous."

I'm so sad that carrot cake M&M's exist. I'm sure actual carrot cake is pissed about it, and I would bet that carrot cake M&M's themselves are completely shame-filled. As they should be.

carrot cake shame.jpg
Shame on you, carrot cake M&M's.


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15 comments
GenericName84
GenericName84

It's called marketing. It's also called don't buy it or eat it if you don't like it. I for one may have my qualms with the flavor ideas behind some products, but by no means do I feel the world should cater to me just because I don't like something. Then again, I'm not Texan, so maybe I just don't get the self-entitled Texas attitude. I'm sure if Texas had its way with M&M's it would be liquor filled or have more ridiculous flavors like white chocolate jalapeno road house bbq smoky horse meat jerky or milk chocolate bacon tobacco dip spit bowl or Matt McConaughey suave dark chocolate pube hair.

KEVINK8
KEVINK8

....and I thought the candy corn from Halloween was a mistake. I did enjoy the candy cane peppermint tootsie pops, though!

dallasmedia
dallasmedia

Allice Laussade-- I am kind of am in love with you. Been reading your column for the past year. Fucking brilliant. As long as your are not over 300 lbs or a lesbian please contact me jasonbprd@gmail.com.

Mervis
Mervis

Thanks for telling us about these. Didn't know they existed.

By the way, what does butt sex taste like?

aggierob95
aggierob95

Not interested in the carrot cake ones, so I'm with you, but... the dark-chocolate mint ones are MIND-BLOWINGLY GOOD. Seriously. Try them.

anteeezy
anteeezy

I dunno, these carrot cake M&Ms are sounding pretty good to me right now after reading this rant

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@aggierob95 


At least it's still in the chocolate family. Not to be racist or anything, but white chocolate isn't chocolate at all - and carrot cake, as good as it may be has not a thing to do with chocolate.


Let's not even get started on candy corn . . .

aggierob95
aggierob95

@Ambelleina Warwillow So. Wrong.    Funny, but wrong.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

@cheapbastard @TheCredibleHulk @aggierob95 

I think we need to be careful how we approach the subject, though.

I'm imagining that the scenario is much like the plot of the movie, Single White Female with white chocolate playing the Jennifer Jason Leigh part.

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