Pay Now, Eat Later: A Brit's Revolutionary Path to BBQ Riches

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Psst. Hey, City of Aters! Bet if we all try real hard we could persuade Gavin there's good eatin' on one of these things, especially if it's "road tenderized."
Editor's note: To spare you the suspense -- and possible expense -- we're just going let you know upfront: Gavin here is talking about North Main BBQ, 406 North Main St., Euless. So, please, no matter how often he asks -- and that will be often -- do not send him cash, checks, bank account information or your Social Security number. Remember, while he's a charming Brit, he's also a furriner.

A Consumer's Guide to Profiting from Barbecue

Sure. You're a hungry person. We all get hungry. We're in this hunger thing together, stumbling from one meal to the next, while trying to pay the rent, the bills, the car, gas, everything else really. You don't have much left over, but you need to eat. And you need to eat well.

See also:
- Best of Dallas 2000
- Fort Worth BBQ-palooza, Day 3 : Diving over the Meat Cliff at Cooper's Bar-B-Que

It just so happens that I, some guy you've never heard of, am a renowned motivational speaker and barbecue critic. I'm here for one day only to tell you a little story which shows that not only is nothing impossible, but that you can pay all your bills, drive a car about like a grown-up and most vaguely of all make your food work for you, because you deserve nothing but the best, like everyone else in the world.

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"Barbecue is expensive! Do you think I'm some sort of money tree, from which money just detaches, due to an excess of other money crowding my branches?" "Do I look like I can pay $15 a pound for meat every day, like some sort of rib tycoon?" "I like brisket, but the bank has foreclosed on the expensive smoker I bought, and now I can't even afford to buy meat in half-cow quantities! What am I going to do?" These are just some of the questions that no one has ever asked me.

What if I let you, hungry consumer, in on a little secret? Not just a little secret, but a BIG secret. Not just a BIG secret, but a secret the size of a smoker disguised as an armadillo. Well, friend, for just 20 easy payments of $99.99, I will reveal to you the location of a restaurant that will sell to you all the barbecued meats you can possibly eat for just $15 a visit, including ice cream, drink and tax. "That's impossible!" I hear you cry. "How could anyone afford NOT to eat there?" I hear you, brother. But such a place exists. And you can drive there, in the car you can now afford with all the savings you're going to make on smoked meat, powered by the gas that no longer seems so expensive. If you sign up with my program, it'll pay for itself in meat savings in the first 10 years. After that, you're just looking at straight meat profit FOREVER. Why, even with the added cholesterol levels you'll be experiencing, you're looking at a straight decade of savings. And who else can promise you that?

Sure, the meat's not chew-your-own-face off good. But it is way more than passable quality, and some of it is even approaching delicious (especially the ribs). Brisket! Sausage! Ribs that won "World's Best Ribs" as recently as 1988! Chicken! Pulled pork! Salad! Iced tea served in a bucket!

As part of our special deal, I'll throw in a lifetime subscription to my Dallas Observer blogs, a hat made entirely from meat (subject to availability), and you can even get up-to-the-minute advice from my personal website on what you should be eating, to make your visits as profitable as possible. Don't throw away all your money on barbecue. Throw all your money away on me, and then profit FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

This is a limited term offer. No refunds. Cancellation prohibited. Location only revealed upon receipt of 20th payment. Value of meat may go down as well as up. Eat responsibly.

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14 comments
yeswecanagain74
yeswecanagain74

Hey I live just a few miles up the road from Main Street BBQ.  We don't have many places to eat here in Euless unless you like fast food.  So let me tell you.

Main Street is terrible, you never get enough to eat, place is always packed. You can smell the place two blocks away. So you go find  your own BBQ place. So I can find parking at Main Street.

Texas Made, Texas Bread ..Yummy


eleventeen
eleventeen

thank you, gavin, for this review. i love this spot, and the true texan hospitality is nice. after clearing three plates, i was staggering around, and the register lady asked if i was allright. "just walking it off, m'amm."

Mervis
Mervis

Anybody remember when it was only $7-8 and the lights were on only at Friday lunch, dinner and Saturday dinner?

1dailyreader
1dailyreader

Finally!  You've stumbled upon my favorite Q stop.  You can't beat this place for the price.  It's also BYOB too. The ribs are really good and I haven't tried the brisket lately.  It's just a good place to go when you're really hungry.

todd
todd

IMO, North Main has lost quite a bit of its luster.  Brisket is solidly average at best and they leave that annoying membrane on the bone side of their ribs.  I know, it's nitpicking.  

ewanmacdonald
ewanmacdonald

Needs more seductive cow, but yes, the ribs were superb

1dailyreader
1dailyreader

@Mervis As far as I know, they're still open F-Sun.  I believe I started going when the price was $10.  I take my Thanksgiving and Christmas turkey's there to get smoked which is a service I really appreciate (for a fee) of course.  The Super Bowl parties were always great.. Free Q for their invited guests.

Don_O
Don_O

@todd The trick is to stick to burnt ends on the brisket.  If you ask nice they will usually cut you some.  The ribs are always outstanding.The membrane is on the bone side.  Just ignore it.  :)

Joshstruckoutagain
Joshstruckoutagain

You're speaking of the silverskin...we take it off at home prior to cooking, but I've seen it left on more often than not on my BBQ adventures...

todd
todd

@Joshwillbatforfood I do also.  As easy as it is to remove that skin, it's disappointing when the professionals fail to do so.  

Mervis
Mervis

Yeah, the current hours are double from when they started back in the 80's. My buddy used to call me up and say "Let's go to Greene's Trucking for BBQ." There was barely any signage and the old Norma's Cafe occupied the southern end of the building.

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