Five Alternatives to Traditional Thanksgiving Stuffing!

Categories: Holidays

cupcake stuffing.jpg
via The Cupcake Project
A lady stuffed her turkey with cupcakes. For shame.

Yesterday, we found this post from The Cupcake Project, which clearly shows a Thanksgiving turkey with cupcakes shoved in its hole. The cranberry cupcakes are fully cooked, then put inside the turkey while the turkey cooks. The cupcakes, "...exposed to juices from the bird developed a stuffing-like texture and tasted like a Thanksgiving feast of stuffing, turkey, and cranberry sauce: warm, cozy, comfort food."

If you'd like to get on the stuffing-shit-inside-a-turkey-that's-not-traditional-stuffing train this year, we figured you could use some more ideas besides soggy cupcakes. If we're going to kick tradition in its tradition nuts, why stop at cupcake stuffing, right?

1) Twinkie turkey

twinkie turkey.jpg
Make the pilgrims cry.

If you got your hands on what might be the last Twinkies ever, stuff those jerks in a turkey and be most thankful for them. Enjoy your looks-like-a-buncha-tampons-in-a-turkey turkey.

2) Tropical TUMS turkey

tumsturkey.jpg
No bloating after Thanksgiving dinner this year, bitches!

Calcium: it's something your body needs anyway. And the tropical ones are the best ones.

3) Yahtzee Turkey

boardgameturkey.jpg
Pass the potatoes-- and suck it, Gramma, I just got a Yahtzee!

Board Game Turkey is never a bad choice. Just be sure to put the whole box in there. And be smart about the board game you choose to stuff your turkey with. Monopoly pieces can be surprisingly hard to fish out of a turkey's junk.

4) Ke$ha turkey

kesha turkey.jpg
This year, be thankful for desperation.

To make a Ke$ha Thanksgiving turkey, shove these ingredients inside the turkey hole pre-oven: 1 pack Lucky Strike unfiltered cigarettes, 1 liter Jack Daniels (in bottle), 1 auto tuner, the crazed groupie tears of the LA Fitness step class instructor who uses Tik Tok on repeat for her routines but who has also never been to a rave. Cook until desperation, glitter, and a waft of chlamydia and general lack of talent invade your home.

5) The Cast of The Mentalist Turkey

thementalist.jpg
Red John will never see this coming.

You get all the people from CBS's hit pretty-man-psychic cop drama, The Mentalist. And you need a duck, a chicken and giant, live turkey.

So, first you make the dumb guy eat a duck and a chicken. Then, lady boss eats the dumb guy, Cho then eats the lady boss, then the hot chick eats Cho, and then The Mentalist from The Mentalist eats the hot chick and then you get your giant, live turkey to eat that The Mentalist personducken, and once the personducken is in the turkey, you have turkTheMentalistducken. Be super thankful.

Happy turkey stuffing, everyone. We hope you get all up in there.



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3 comments
mae.whitten
mae.whitten

Quite a fitting 'end' to the Twinkie, huh?

Mervis
Mervis

Cupcakes need to go away.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

I've never seen anything quite as disturbing as Ke$ha emerging from the anus of a Turkey.

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