The Cheap Bastard's Guide to Eating Like a Fancy Bastard
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Fancy restaurants love to end your meal with a tiny plate of tiny free sweets. Knowing that rich people are easily distracted, restaurants usually place these free candies on top of the bill in hopes of diverting a Fancy's attention from the total cost of their food adventure. "Whoa! That entrée was 50 -- OH BUT LOOK CANDY YOU GUYS CANDY I LOVE CANDY IS THAT GINGER?!"
If you're on a budget at a fancy restaurant, don't feel like that should make you stick out as an intruder in your server's eyes. In fact, if you're stingy with your cash, you're likely to fit right in among the Dallas Fancy. The one thing rich people love the most is that they're rich, which means they really love hanging onto their money, too.
Just make sure you order with your eyes on the prices and take complete-to-inappropriate advantage of the free amuse bouche, the free bread and the free candies. If you can do all that, your wallet and your stomach could both still be full when you walk out the door.
Oh no. My credit card got declined at The French Room in front of a bunch of old ladies with high hair. What should I do?
This happened to me, so I can tell you what works from first-hand experience: Back out of the dining room slowly. If The Olds sense that you didn't have enough money to pay for your foie gras and soufflé, they will eat you and you can't really blame them because you just made yourself into a foie-gras-and-souffle-stuffed something. You will be irresistible.
Next: Breaking down the Fancy Restaurants in Dallas