Pizza Mouth Burn Strips Are (Kinda) Real

Categories: Whimsy

SCIENCE IS AWESOME. NBC News (and Saturday Night Live's Seth Meyers) reported last week that scientists have cured cancer developed a soothing, dissolvable mouth strip to help alleviate the dumbest feeling ever: pizza mouth burn. We repeat offenders simply refer to it PMB.

Symptoms of PMB include bleeding sores on the roof of your mouth, an inexplicable urge to keep eating hot-as-balls pizza and a few fleeting moments of logic quickly dissolved by the presence of melty, melty cheese. PMB affects all ages and genders, though a significant percentage of victims are drunk people. And food writers. And drunk food writers.

The strips, developed by New Mexico professor of pharmaceutical sciences Walter White Brian McConville, contain a small amount of benzocaine, a common topical anesthetic. Benzocaine is usually found in products that promote a mild, temporary numbing sensation. Like cough drops. And Jim Beam.

McConville tells NBC News:

"The mouth is a very, very quick part of the body to heal; a couple of days is probably the maximum you would need. In addition to that, we have included a semi-active ingredient that promotes healing."

Although the product is currently in testing, McConville hopes to partner with manufacturers and investors to help launch his mango-flavored product into the purses and pockets of pizza-eating morons everywhere.

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By the time my pizza is delivered, its not hot enough to burn my mouth.

TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

Mango flavored? Seems wrong to me since the bite that burns is usually the very first bite. I'm thinking that mango is going to clash with most pizza flavors other than say, maybe, Hawaiian style pizza.


Why not pepperoni?

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

The cheese overload holds the heat.  Too much cheese.  Too much.


Besides, pizza is best cold right out of the fridge for breakfast.

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