Pizza Mouth Burn Strips Are (Kinda) Real
SCIENCE IS AWESOME. NBC News (and Saturday Night Live's Seth Meyers) reported last week that scientists have 
cured cancer developed a soothing, dissolvable mouth strip to help alleviate the dumbest feeling ever: pizza mouth burn. We repeat offenders simply refer to it PMB.
Symptoms of PMB include bleeding sores on the roof of your mouth, an inexplicable urge to keep eating hot-as-balls pizza and a few fleeting moments of logic quickly dissolved by the presence of melty, melty cheese. PMB affects all ages and genders, though a significant percentage of victims are drunk people. And food writers. And drunk food writers.
The strips, developed by New Mexico professor of pharmaceutical sciences Walter White Brian McConville, contain a small amount of benzocaine, a common topical anesthetic. Benzocaine is usually found in products that promote a mild, temporary numbing sensation. Like cough drops. And Jim Beam.
McConville tells NBC News:
"The mouth is a very, very quick part of the body to heal; a couple of days is probably the maximum you would need. In addition to that, we have included a semi-active ingredient that promotes healing."
Although the product is currently in testing, McConville hopes to partner with manufacturers and investors to help launch his mango-flavored product into the purses and pockets of pizza-eating morons everywhere.
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