Dispatch from the Bacon and Eggs Competition at the State Fair of Texas

pear and bacon pancakes.jpg
Pear and bacon pancakes.

The fried food at the State Fair of Texas gets a ton of attention. And, that's great-- because everyone knows that from fried peaches to fried chocolate-covered-strawberry waffle balls, our fair's fried food is badass. It's rititulous.

See also:
Where to Find the Big Tex Choice Award Food Finalists at the State Fair of Texas

But, today, inside the Creative Arts building, shit got real. I could feel it in the air as soon as I opened the door to the place: Grammas were preparing for battle. Nana, Me Maw, Gram Gram-- they were all there, menacingly holding their casserole dishes and ready to strike down any judge who would have the balls to deem their food, "Meh."

This is the Bacon and Eggs competition at the State Fair of Texas, folks. This, right here, is a grandmotherfucking tradition.

The Creative Arts building hosts over 1,100 categories of competition including quilting, photography, crafts, and of course, food. While I was judging the six entries in the "bacon entree" category of the bacon and eggs competition, I heard that this year's pie contest had 233 entries. There were 58 pies in one of the pie categories, which means some lucky judge bastard got to taste 58 pies in one sitting. Wish I could've been a relief judge when someone tapped out. Pretty sure judging Texas state fair food competitions is the gateway drug to competitive eating.

Another popular food competition appears to be the canning competition. Check out this wall of winners.

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If these are all winners, how many entries do you think the judges saw? (I'm guessing nine buhmillion.)

Pro tip: If your name is Neva, you are likely to win a ribbon for your canning skillz. (It's just one of those talents that you automatically get when you're named certain names. Like, being named Einstein makes you into someone super smart. Being someone named Hulk Hogan immediately means you get a lifetime of combing a shitty wig, and picking leftovers of your dignity out of your Fu Manchu while everyone laughs at your gross sex tapes.)

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"Neva cans the shit out of some pears, y'all." - Everyone.

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5 comments
TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

So long as there was no *turkey-bacon* (pronounced as if I were saying "dog-shit") represented there, it's all good.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

Eggs.  I love eggs.  And hollandaise sauce.  I could eat eggs smothered with hollandaise sauce every day.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

ITs a good thing they were canning and not jarring

daisydoodle1996
daisydoodle1996

@thecheapbastard your life is so much more interesting than mine!

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