On National Drink Beer Day, Mourning the Long Lost Party Ball
Today is National Drink Beer Day, apparently, and I'm sure you were looking for an excuse to knock back a cold one. It's a shame it's not National Drink Beers day, but what can we do. Please limit yourself to one.
RIP Party Ball
While I'm sure the rest of Dallas is busy jerking off to our growing collection of craft beers I thought I'd use the esteemed holiday to celebrate what I think is, at times, a far better way to imbibe: the Coors Light party ball.
The party ball may be the greatest invention to ever grace mass beer consumption since the beer bong. Sure, kegs allow you carry around more beer at a time. But I'm not strong enough to carry one more than half a block before I herniate something I'd rather not herniate. I can carry a party ball one full block before I have to rest (and drink a cold one) and a party ball is way easier to pack with ice.
WTF is this thing?
Sadly, the party ball is dead, discontinued sometime in 2011 and replaced by the not nearly as fun to say "Home Draft."
I do not like the home draft. It sounds so serious, like something you would attach to the very craft beers I'm trying to avoid celebrating in this post. It looks like a kegerator for people who can't afford kegerator, and there's no party in it. Further, it can't be easily converted into a bubbling device for smoking vegetative matter and it's always depicted in someone's refrigerator like it's some sort of fancy beer that it's not.
Party balls never hung out in a refrigerator. They were right at home in my front yard, or in a parking lot amidst a sea of pick up trucks blaring Spinal Tap under a haze of smoke from Marlboro Reds. This is how we should be celebrating National Drink A Beer Day.
Coors, I implore you. Bring the party back.