The Five Worst TV Dinners in Honor of National TV Dinner Day

Categories: Lists

HM dinner.jpg
Mmmm...diarrhea.

National TV Dinner Day happened. Which is probably as underwhelming as the frozen chunks of processed "food" this day attempts to celebrate. So let's discuss the horrifying, shameful crap hidden in the back of your freezer, shall we? Specifically, the worst ones to ever exist in the frozen tundra wasteland of the grocery store.

1. Hungry Man. Aside from being borderline sexist (women get hungry too, ya dicks), Hungry Man is gross if only because its claim to greatness is the "Over 1 lb of Food!"on the packaging. Great. Because that's what you want your husband to shove into his face before you both crawl into a pile of fart-trapping flannel sheets, a pound of processed food!

2. Lean Cuisine

Lean Cuisine.jpg
Have you ever been forced by circumstance to horf down one of these blocks of icy shitfish surrounded by some kind of flaccid starch and sad broccoli? Holy colon spasm, it's so bad. And never gets me to 4 p.m. safely.


3. Kid Cuisine

Kid Cuisine.jpg

If you have kids in your life, you know these are not only just slightly more palatable than a dead rat but also a complete engineering failure. Multiple foods with multiple heating demands and everything gets nuked at one billion degrees for four minutes and your kids gets frozen pizza and a block of pudding charcoal that's hotter than the surface of the fucking sun. At least that duck on the box is fun to look at while you make something else for your kid.

4. Marie Callender's Chicken Pot Pie

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Your argument is invalid. Nothing sold for three dollars is also worth six hours in the oven. That's just a strange, disproportionate way of feeding yourself.

5. This thing

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A little dry, in my humble opinion.


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14 comments
JustSaying
JustSaying

Um, Sara, you need to get your head out of your ass and read the box on that pot pie. Marie Callender's pot pies can be cooked in the microwave in like 7 minutes. And those bitches come out just as flaky as the ones that take an hour in the oven. Sure, they are unhealthy and fattening as fuck, but they totally hit the spot on a lazy winter day when you are hungry and dont feel like actually cooking. You need to take those off this list and replace them with one of those El Charrito frozen enchilada plates. A Marie Callender's turkey pot pie does not belong anywhere near a worst frozen dinner list.

Sharon_Moreanus
Sharon_Moreanus topcommenter

The duck on the box says he prefers chicken n fries over frozen pizza?

J_A_
J_A_

There are so many ladies in the office noshing on Lame Cuisine for lunch everyday. It's a sad, sad existence. Trapped in a cube with no fresh air, eating frozen crap I wouldn't feed my dog. And for some reason they're never very lean.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk topcommenter

Funny.

 

Love that last one. That somebody actually conceived that idea and then took it all the way through to completion absolutely destroys whatever faith that I had left in humanity.

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

Why these wretched things even exist is beyond me.  There are so many dishes you can throw together in a very short period of time with minimal skill, and that taste infinitely better.

Montemalone
Montemalone topcommenter

TeeVee dinners were better when they came in aluminum trays with foil and had to be cooked in a 350 degree over for 30-40 minutes until hot. The microwave was their downfall.

kergo1spaceship
kergo1spaceship

That Hungry man gives me the DREADED "D" juts thinking about it!  Then it's just suave, ice and walking with a gait fort 3 days.

Willie
Willie

 @JustSaying Man, you are dead on correct about frozen Tex-Mex dinners.  To really feel the magnitude of how disgusting the food it is, you should go through one of the plants that make that crap and watch the beans and rice plop out from the overhead dispensers.  

markzero
markzero

 @Myrna.Minkoff-Katz They exist because a lot of people are poor, and/or have a half hour lunch break. Lean Cuisines are often $2 each, and Banquet and Michelina's are even cheaper, down around a buck. At least the Lean Cuisines offer fresh vegetables, mostly without a ton of sodium.

gmit
gmit

 @Myrna.Minkoff-Katz They exist because our generations mothers went back to work to make money and buy us shit we thought we needed, and thus we nuked the shit out of all kinds of food. But the majority of that food was Swansons Salisbury Steak, because the fried chicken was gross and microwave pizza was a total failure at the time

 

Bacon was good too but it got really really small

markzero
markzero

 @Montemalone Don't forget to cut the window over the dessert, or you'll be sucking apple pie or brownie briquette :) I used to love it when the mashed potatoes would get crunchy, though.

Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

 @Montemalone Oh for pre-microwave the good ole days!!    Kid Cuisine - argh  Make a freakin sandwich

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