I Fucking Love Bacon

By Alice Laussade Sat., Sep. 1 2012 at 6:00 AM

If you've never seen bacon, that's bacon.

Dearest Bacon,

I love you. You put the B in BLT. You put the "bacon" in bacon burger. You put the "with bacon" in macaroni and cheese topped with bacon. You taste like yes. And for this, I heart you. Remember that time I said, "No, thank you. I don't want bacon on that"? No, of course you don't remember that, and it's not because you're forgetful, it's because I would never say some bullshit like that. Because I love you.

I know I'm not the only one who loves you -- you're pretty popular these days. It's cool that you're in milkshakes now.

And I see that you're regularly doing the nasty with some doughnuts in town.

I heard you've even got a line of candles and a perfume. And at this point, every-fucking-one has put you on a hot dog or in a cookie.

I'm so proud of your current popularity that I'm going to get you a flower arrangement made out of you. Unless that would piss you off because you don't like to eat bacon because it's you. Oh, crap, Bacon. What if you don't like bacon, Bacon?! Bacon. Seriously. Please do not tell me right now that you don't like the taste of bacon. That would be fucked up.

I love you so much, Bacon. Thank you for being bacon.

Tags:

bacon

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t_s_

I think Fonzi was wearing a bacon jacket when he jumped that shark.

JaniceA

1 Like

I'm more of a pork belly person

Scruffygeist topcommenter

Is this a repost from 2010?

PerryMoore

Bacon does not countenance your sycophantic prattle, for Bacon exists only to be eaten by me.

ScottsMerkin topcommenter

1 Like

I like bacon, bacon is good, greasy wet sloppy soggy bacon mmmmm.....and i love cooking my eggs in your left over grease to get that much more bacon flavor in me

mellolarryplaysblues

"Fucking Bacon." Oh Ms. Laussade, you're so much the agent provocateur. Edgy. Dangerous. Intelligent.

cheapbastard

@mellolarryplaysblues I think if you'll carefully reread what I wrote, you'll find that those two words were never back to back in the post in that order. Please don't misquote me. I have never done that to a bacon.

Mervis

1 Like

@cheapbastard Yet?

primi_timpano topcommenter

Today (Saturday Sept 1) Carbone's is hosting a bacon festival.

MissMacy

I've been depressed for the last three years because it's almost impossible to chew bacon when you wear dentures. I'm just saying.

Mervis

@MissMacy You're not cooking it right. Try it in the oven.

ChrisYu topcommenter

@MissMacy

if you fucking love bacon you'll get a food processor

Double-O-Joe

1 Like

Every time I start to think that the bacon trend needs to die (like that zombie bullshit)- I realize that it's bacon. And bacon is awesome.

I'm going to bake frosted bacon sugar cookies this weekend, dammit.

Daniel

@Double-O-Joe The phrase "bacon trend" makes about as much sense as "rock'n'roll trend" or "sex trend." I mean, maybe it IS enjoying a trend, but how can you tell the difference?