What The Fuck Happened To Vodka?

Categories: Complaint Desk

Jalepeno Popper.jpg
Jalapeño popper: Chili infused vodka is nothing new, so why not take it to the next level. Imagine vodka infused with pickled pepper fragments, processed shredded cheese and a little canned chicken for good measure. As long as it's spicy, people will buy it.

*****

Thumbnail image for Bistro N French Onion Soup.JPG
French onion soup: This one should be easy enough to dream up. Add some beef bullion to some onion infused vodka and call it a day. Garnish the resultant martini with a crouton, and make it extra dirty, please.

*****

turkey dinner.jpg
Turkey dinner: This one is a real power play. Cranberry vodka already exists, so save yourself the trouble and buy that at the store. Meanwhile infuse three other bottles each with turkey skin, green beans and biscuits. You can use plain vodka for the potatoes and call it a meal.

*****

kris kristofferson.jpeg
Kris Kristofferson's hair: This one is self explanatory. Simply grab a pair of clippers and get to clipping. Kristofferson's locks are said to add tones of cigarettes, local honey and Texas dirt to any spirit in minutes.

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16 comments
Nictacular
Nictacular

On a recent camping trip, lady friend brought whipped cream vodka for mixing with orange juice.

 

It tastes just like those Orange Julius drinks that used to be in the mall. I got vodka drunk at 10am...

sophee
sophee

If people knew that vodka is distilled from potatos or beets they wouldn't be so excited about it.

mellolarryplaysblues
mellolarryplaysblues

Wow, Scott, "fuck."  Edgy!  I mean, there was NO WAY I was ever ever never never gonna read this until your "fuck" caught my attention.  Because after all, expletives are so rarely used in titling blog posts by the writers of this site. My own head shaking each time I want a vodka based drink and am given a veritable menu of flavors wasn't enough to make me want to read your post. Nope. It was your dangerous (courageous, really) use of "fuck."  Gonzo blogging, right brutha!!!! 

Myrna.Minkoff-Katz
Myrna.Minkoff-Katz topcommenter

No true alchy drinks flavored vodka.  As long as it burns, that's fine.

dallas_paul
dallas_paul

Started interesting. Got silly but still entertaining towards the middle. Ended off-the-rails stupid.

TheCredibleHulk
TheCredibleHulk

I prefer the "Willie Nelson's Hair" Vodka.

 

Got just a whiff of the chronic on the nose. Much more subtle than the heroin overtones of the Kristofferson variety.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

So I'm going to extrapolate out and make the verdict you have a problem with drunk girls. 

 

Your loss.

Joshstruckoutagain
Joshstruckoutagain

We used to infuse our blue powerade with copius amounts of Absolut prior to getting in the river down near Gruene...called it Powerlut...good times, but not remembered very well.

travishuse
travishuse

I'm a fan of flavored vodka, but nothing in the mold of whipped cream, cotton candy (though i do like three olives' loopy), buttered popcorn, etc. Absolut Mandarin, Pears are good.

 

But fuck, have you seen Bison Grass vodka? It's shit like that that's too hard to pass up.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin topcommenter

Have you had the sushi infused vodka?  Its made by infusing it with bits of Kristy Yang

 

goodaytoya

J_A_
J_A_ topcommenter

 @Joshsbrokendisqus The young'ens are still doing that these days but they call it Faderade

JustSaying
JustSaying

 @Joshsbrokendisqus

 When we were in high school, our move was to go to Sonic and order a large cherry limeade or ocean water. Then we dumped half of that shit out and replaced it with vodka. Boom, instant drink that you could carry anywhere. It was always fun to talk to your 3rd period English teacher at the basketball game while sipping on a 44 ounce mixed drink.

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