What The Fuck Happened To Vodka?
Jalapeño popper: Chili infused vodka is nothing new, so why not take it to the next level. Imagine vodka infused with pickled pepper fragments, processed shredded cheese and a little canned chicken for good measure. As long as it's spicy, people will buy it.
French onion soup: This one should be easy enough to dream up. Add some beef bullion to some onion infused vodka and call it a day. Garnish the resultant martini with a crouton, and make it extra dirty, please.
Turkey dinner: This one is a real power play. Cranberry vodka already exists, so save yourself the trouble and buy that at the store. Meanwhile infuse three other bottles each with turkey skin, green beans and biscuits. You can use plain vodka for the potatoes and call it a meal.
Kris Kristofferson's hair: This one is self explanatory. Simply grab a pair of clippers and get to clipping. Kristofferson's locks are said to add tones of cigarettes, local honey and Texas dirt to any spirit in minutes.