Welcome To College: A 5-Course Meal in Your Microwave

Categories: Lists

dorm room.jpg
Microwave on a bookshelf. Welcome to your new kitchen, Collegepants.

Congratulations: You have a dorm room! Uncongratulations: the dorm cafeteria blows. (Except for the cereal bar-- ain't nothing wrong with a cereal bar.)

The next few years, if you're doing college right, you should be broke. Which means, at some point, you're going to get tired of eating the shitbombs in the cafeteria (The day I heard someone yell, "It's chicken rings day!" And then someone else yelled, "That's gross!" And then someone else yelled, "Fuck you, I love chicken rings! I look forward to chicken rings day!" That was the first day I used my dorm microwave) And when that day comes, you're going to have to use the kitchen in your dorm room, which probably consists of a microwave and a mini fridge.

So, let's make you a 5-course meal for that night. Because to us, a 5-course microwave meal sounds freaking awesome compared with stupid chicken rings.

Course 1: Olive Oil and Rosemary Popcorn
(via Alaska From Scratch)

rosemary popcorn.jpg
Fancy popcorn time, college beetches.

Ingredients:

1/4c unpopped popcorn, popped in brown paper bag (or just pop unsalted store-bought popcorn)
2T olive oil
1/2t garlic powder
1/2t rosemary
1/2t sea salt
1/4t pepper

Directions:
Put popped popcorn in a large bowl, dummy. In a small bowl, mix together oil and seasonings until well combined. Drizzle over popcorn. Stir popcorn with your hands until popcorn is well coated. Taste for seasoning (add more salt as desired).
Serve hot. (Obviously, if you don't like rosemary and olive oil, you can sprinkle other stuff on there. Try cayenne pepper. Or beer. We don't care, as long as your face is happy.)

Course 2: Tomato and Cucumber salad
(via Food Network)

cucumbertomatosalad.jpg
Microwave on zero setting for no minutes.

Don't like tomatoes and cucumbers? Find some vegetables. Chop them up. Call it a salad. You're done.

Ingredients
5 medium plum tomatoes, halved lengthwise, seeded, and thinly sliced
1/4 red onion, peeled, halved lengthwise, and thinly sliced
1 Kirby cucumber, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced
A generous drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil, about 2 tablespoons
2 splashes red wine vinegar
Coarse salt and black pepper

Directions: Dress the tomatoes, onions, and cucumber with olive oil, red wine vinegar, salt and pepper. Let stand while you prepare dinner, about 20 minutes. Re-toss and serve salad with crusty bread for mopping up juices and oil. Make "tossing salad" jokes. Put it in the microwave, close the door, push some buttons but never push "start." Wait a second, say "DING!" and then take it out of the microwave. De-lish.

Course 3: A pound of bacon.
(via WikiHow)

uncooked bacon.jpg
Pretty sure this 5-course meal just turned into a 1-course meal.

Bacon! In the microwave! It's a college tradition. And it'll get rid of that musty roommate stank you've been complaining about. See instructions here.

Course 4: Hair Straightener Quesadillas
(via northbynorthwestern.com)
Oh our God, someone made quesadillas using a hair straightener. Obviously, you could use a microwave, but this is so much more impressive. I mean, gross. I mean impressive.

hair straightener quesadillas.jpg
Why? Because you can.

Here's the recipe.

Course 5: Coffee Mug Chocolate Cake
(via Lucky Peach magazine)

mugcake.jpg
Chocolate cake in a cup. Fuck yeah.

Ingredients:
1 egg
3 Tbs Milk
3 Tbs Neutral Oil
3 Tbs Flour
4 Tbs Sugar
2 Tbs Cocoa Powder
3 Tbs Chocolate Chips
Small Splash of Vanilla Extract
Pinch of Salt
1 Small or Medium Coffee Mug (Microwave Safe)

Directions:
Add wet ingredients (including egg) to a small or medium coffee mug and mix well. Add the dry ingredients and mix thoroughly. Add the chocolate chips and vanilla extract, and mix again. Put your mug into 1,000-watt microwave for 2 minutes. The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed. Allow to cool and tip onto plate if desired. EAT!
Serves one.

We sincerely hope you get college laid for making this dinner for someone. Go [your college mascot]!



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6 comments
Sotiredofitall
Sotiredofitall topcommenter

Having gone to college before the age of microwave I grew partial to fried bologna and tomato soup cooked on a hot plate.

J_A_
J_A_

I wish I would've learned to cook for myself in college. I got hit with Freshman 20 and it took me the rest of my undergrad to take the weight off.

ChewySalcido
ChewySalcido

@JasmineSadry my mom is full blood mexi free lessons lol

SMU
SMU

Have you tried this? @Dallas_Observer RT @cityofate: How to Make A 5-Course Meal in Your Microwave http://t.co/vh8pvlhC (cc @SMU)

PepperoniCalzone
PepperoniCalzone

Easier mug cake recipe: mix one box of angel food cake mix with another box of whatever flavor you like best (I usually use devil's food just to see them fight it out). Store in a ziplock bag. When you want cake, it's as easy as 3-2-1: three tablespoons of mix, two tablespoons of water, combine in the mug, then microwave for one minute. 

Nictacular
Nictacular

We would see who could trick out ramen noodles in the most elaborate, but cheap ways. My go-to was frozen veggies boiled with ramen, drained, hit with spray butter, some seasoning pack and a shitload of Louisiana Hot Sauce. Sometimes an egg if I could trade the RA one for some Southern Comfort...

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