Yankee Candles Introduces Man Candles, and We're Already Begging for More Scents

Categories: Lists

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While watching a gripping episode of Nothing's Still Happening on Mad Men, I saw an ad for the best product line ever: Man Candles from Yankee Candles.

Yankee Candle is offering Man Candles in scents including 2 x 4, Riding Mower, First Down and Man Town (guessing this one smells like La Bare).

City of Ate appreciates the effort, Yankee Candle. But we feel like you missed some crucial man-scent opportunities. Here are our suggestions for Yankee Candles Man Candles that you should create next:

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Alice Laussade

"Check it. The wax in this candle is rendered perfectly."

*****

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Alice Laussade

"Ack! I love it! It'll go perfect with my Cigarette Ash bubble bath!"

*****

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Alice Laussade

"Is that actual McDonald's, or Yankee Candle's new French Fry Waft?" "It's The Waft."

*****

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Alice Laussade

"Ooh. You went with barbacoa? Oh-- wait-- no, it's the combo, isn't it? Al pastor and barabacoa? Excellent choice."

*****

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Alice Laussade

"Mmmmm it smells like bacon, old eggs (bird kind and human kind) and shame up in here!"

*****

We don't care which of these ideas you use first-- actually that's bullshit. Make the brisket candle first, dammit.

Follow City of Ate on Twitter at @cityofate. Follow me at @thecheapbastard.


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23 comments
ts
ts

Yankee candles?  Take that crap to I-30 N and get the eff outta here.  Texas Candles please, preferably with a mixed bouquet of horseshit, old grease, and self-aggrandizing awesomeness.

Dahveed
Dahveed

I think what they're missing here is NO straight man is gonna pay $28 for a candle unless its getting him laid.  With a supermodel.  They want guys to buy them then make them reasonable.  Candles are cheap to make, they should also be cheap to buy.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Oh sh+t, I forgot my favorite......"Man Stank", derived directly from the taint of a 300 pound guy, after mowing the yard.....YUM!

JackPerkinsMerkin
JackPerkinsMerkin

Does Man Town smell like Round-Up Saloon - the wonderful scent of assless leather chaps and whiskey?

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

I want Yankee Candles to make the following:

-American Standard Splatter Dumpster Poop w/Essence of Lettuce and Peppers-I spilled my #19 Bud Light on my shirt-Oklahoma Sweatbutt-Walmart Onion Crotch-I Sh+t in the Woods after eating breakfast taco's

trannyntraining
trannyntraining

'Smog' for those days you just can't make it outside, yet still wish to inhale all of Dallas' wondrous toxic fumes....of course, the candle would be the color orange.

3Horn
3Horn

If you're serious about "man candles", check out Woof Wax (http://www.woofwax.com/).

I mean let's face it, are scents like "Stogie", "Joe", "Sauna" or "Midnight Shower" really any gayer than "Man Town"?

Rob Lew
Rob Lew

DART RAIL PASSENGERS AT 5 PM SCENT.

Rob Lew
Rob Lew

CADAVER PLANT SCENT NEXT?

Steve
Steve

They couldn't even think up a fun name like Mandles.  I bet they all smell like Grandma candy.

Daily Reader
Daily Reader

 When "Stale Cigarette Smoke & Beer" or "Tavern" come out, please rush me a case to the following address...

trannyntraining
trannyntraining

You can just take all those scents and put them together for the ultimate in candle smelling bro-awesomeness....and call it 'Plush'. If you act fast, you too, can receive a special limited 'Affliction' scented candle....it's the perfect balance of perspiration, desperation, and knowing, that once again, you're not going to be able to pay off that enormous credit card debt you accrued in your aspirations for all things douchetacular! 

bh
bh

Whiskey Dick for the win. 

Nick R.
Nick R.

Good thing they put the football and beer in their promo shot. Now I keep those things at my desk at all times, to remind myself that I'm a man. Along with the scent "Man Town"

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Well shit, they may as well make Stale Cigarette, Lip Gloss, and Glitter Body Spray scent so you'll always be reminded of that chick you brought home from the club. If the STD or baby doesn't remind you, that is.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

It is the close cousin of "Hide in the Bushes for a Hange" scent, which was originally derived from "Stripper Suave"; a heady blend of cheap perfume, tanning lotion, spray on tan and Crisco.....it even comes with a wanton need for a father figure, and Hepatitis C!

"Stripper Suave" scent also comes with 3 different kids from 3 different "baby daddies", and tons of tattoo's, and a huge distaste for the male species. A distaste fed by working the system, and losing too many times. 

"Dad Town" is also a close relative to the scents mentioned above, in that it's inherent nature is related upon the fact that it farts all over the house, and fans it on unsuspecting family members. And then laughs!

Rob Lew
Rob Lew

 IT IS ALREADY DONE...CALLED "PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL AUDITORIUM"

Rob Lew
Rob Lew

 ,,,no Old Tuna Sandwich scent?

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