We Gave Good 2 Go Taco Chef Jeana Johnson This Big Box of Crap and She Invented The Best Hot Dog Evar
Welcome to the return of The Box, the mean-ass game we play with chefs in town just because we like seeing these important-types give us the stink eye. Last time, Chef Chad Houser gave our The Box the stink eye and then made us fancy Easter Dinner out of Peeps and popcorn. This time, we gave our The Box to Good 2 Go Taco's Chef Jeana Johnson.
That's not bottled water.
Here's the challenge, as we sent it to her:
Dearest Good 2 Go Taco's Chef Jeana Johnson,
We're not sure if you heard, but food at the Texas Rangers Ballpark in Arlington sucks. They have 2-foot hot dogs, gianter than giant pretzels and a bunch of shitty nachos.
Please to fix.
Your challenge: Using each* of the ingredients in The Box, create two portable snacks that are super delicious that we can eat at the Ballpark in Arlington.**
Nacho cheese (big fucking can)
Frozen French fries
Fiji Not Water (It's rum. There's rum in there. Not water.)
Sweet Pickle Relish
Good luck. We're confident that delicious food gods will smile upon you.
-- Alice and Nick
*You have to use a little of each item, but you don't have to use all of every item. Although, if you manage to use all of that nacho cheese in a can, we're so super mega proud of you.
**You can add whatever you want to The Box.
When we dropped off the The Box with Chef Johnson, we let her know that we tried to find cotton candy, but sadly, we couldn't get that in time for this The Box. (Walmart told us that they had cotton candy, but it turns out, they're liars.) Her reaction: "Oh. What a shame."
We were super sad about it, too. So we added a can of "Gourmet!" nacho cheese to The Box to make up for it.
Chef Johnson: "Wow. Thanks."
We also alerted Chef Johnson that the Fiji bottle in The Box was not full of water, but was instead filled with rum. Because that's how we roll at The Ballpark. I mean -- that's how we heard some sad, totally immature college alumni idiots roll at The Ballpark.
Chef Johnson: "Okay -- uh -- any idea what brand of rum it is?"
Alice: "Bacardi from my house brand."
Chef Johnson: "Of course."
We reminded Chef Johnson that she was asked to create two portable dishes that elevated the crap that they serve at The Ballpark. And that's when she gave us the best idea ever:
Chef Johnson: "Why? Because you're going to put whatever I make right back into The Box and deliver it to the next person?"
Best. Plan. Ever. (Sorry, whoever's gonna agree to do this next month.)
The first amazingly kickass dish Chef Johnson made out of our box of fancy ingredients: Waffle-fry-covered hot dog on a stick. AKA: The I Got Your Boomstick Right Here, Bitches.
Nick Rallo Eff you, $26 hot dog. Waffle-fry-coated hot dog on a stick wins.
And then, for our dessert course, the Twinkie Banana Split Thing With Homemade Nutella, AKA The Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaataaawesooooooome:
Nick Rallo Birth of Twinkie. This banana is totally 8 cm dilated. Oh, that's gross? Eat a two-foot hot dog and let's talk. This shit was fuckin' yum.
Congrats on kicking our The Box in its The Ass, Good 2 Go Taco. Chef Jeana Johnson, thanks for shelling sunflower seeds all afternoon so that we could inhale that delicious, way-better-than-anything-the-Ballpark-is-currently-making banana split.