The Cheap Bastard Does (and Judges) Iron Fork: So Much Bacon. So Much Awesome.

Categories: Events

bacon iron fork.jpg
Bacon photobombs a tiny chocolate cupcake.
Last night, a metric shit ton of fancy Dallas people met at the Fashion Industry Gallery to stuff their faces full of awesome.

There was much bacon. Will Fleischman and his beard were slicing up a Lockhart Smokehouse meatfest for the masses. Mixologists were shaking up cocktails whilst wearing their newsboy caps. There were old dudes sampling bundt cakes. There were young dudes asking, "Who's this Kent Rathbooone guy, anyway?" There was even a kid dancing to Outkast. And oh my crap, there was so much bacon. If the night taught me anything, it was this: Bacon needs to be POTUS.

Bacon brought everyone together in a way that no politician ever has. Everyone was smiling, super happy and they all agreed that, "This shit right here is delicious, man."

After all the food and booze sampling came the Observer's second annual Iron Fork competition. I had the honor of being a judge, along with Gene Gates (of The Gene & Julie Show) and CraveDFW's Steven Doyle.

If this competition was an Iron Chef America rip-off, Kent Rathbun was The Chairman. As Rathbun introduced the two competitors (reigning champ, Scott Romano and Whiskey Cake's TJ Lengnick), the crowd put down their bacon and got super quiet.

The Iron Fork challenge: Each chef will have 45 minutes to make two dishes highlighting the secret ingredient. I was nervous for the chefs. What would the secret ingredient be? Last year, it was avocado. This year, would it be octupus? Maybe Bacon Spam?

"And the secret ingredient is... cheese!" Local cheese, including various goat cheeses and some gouda. Alright. I like cheese.

During the first 40 minutes of the competition, both chefs looked cool, calm and collected. They were making pasta, making jokes -- this was no big thang. But with five minutes left, Romano and Lengnick were starting to sweat it. Lengnick was talking to himself, Romano was chopping furiously, both guys were working really hard.

Romano brought his dishes to the judges' table just before time was up. Romano served us a cheese raviolo with egg dish and then a duck dish with beets that included more cheesy pasta. This raviolo was great. Cut into it, and egg beautifully oozed out. It was delicious times a million.

raviolo with egg scott romano iron fork.jpg
Seriously, there's runny eggy goodness in there.
Next up, Lengnick. He served us a dish with lobster cheese sticks and then followed that with a plate of scallops with ravioli. He'd been talking up those lobster cheese sticks all through his prep time and I was really excited to try them. They were hidden in what he was calling a "mound" of food. This mound included potatoes, the aforementioned lobster, cheese on top of cheese, chorizo (because, fact: chorizo makes everything better) and probably rainbows. Food mound, you guys. Try it. I promise you'll like it.

tj iron fork competition.jpg
Chef TJ Lengnick's food mound of kickassery.

All the food that these guys made for the judges was fantastic. But, it was time to choose a winner. So, I filled out my ballot.

iron fork judging ballot.jpg
This is a serious competition.

Gates, Doyle and I headed through a secret passageway to a secret judges deliberating room, where we yelled at each other and fought about whose cheese would reign supreme. "I like mounds!" "I like eggs!" "I love lamp!" "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh fight!"

On this day, egg beat mounds. Romano was crowned the winner, but both contestants served up some really great dishes. If you haven't been to Whiskey Cake, you should definitely go check TJ Lengnick's foodery out. And if you're super rich, you should ask Scott Romano to be your private chef.

After the event, I asked Kent Rathbun if next year's secret ingredient could be Pop Tarts. He said, "Hahahaha." Which I took to mean, "Yes, absolutely, that will definitely happen!"

Thanks to both chefs for kicking ass, thanks to all the folks serving up delicious sample bites (read: bacon), thanks to you badass Dallasites for coming out and stealing the leftovers from my judges plates (Congratulations! You all have The Mouth Herp now!), thanks to Doyle and Gates for putting up with me for an hour and thanks for not taking the microphone away from me after I talked about 8-foot noodles.

Hope to see you all again next year, when the secret ingredient is minotaur.

Location Info

Map

Fashion Industry Gallery

1807 Ross Ave., Dallas, TX

Category: General

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19 comments
ObserverFan
ObserverFan

That cheese raviolo looks tasty. Mouth Herp. Derp.

Lmensch333
Lmensch333

The event was awesome! Great job by both chefs but special love for TJ and Whiskey Cake! I definitely don't think the "mound" looked like a "cow turd." You would know if you were there instead of on the internet. Thanks Kent for a fun and tasty evening!

Kergs
Kergs

hh hhahahhhhahhhhhahhahhhahhhahhah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  gurl, you SO cray.........me likey thank you John Wiley Price, the GIANT COWTURD, and Pete Incivilia....................hhahhahhahahhhahahah (crazy middle aged smoker cackle).

Kergo 1 Spacse
Kergo 1 Spacse

I'd like to thank Bill Romanowsi, Red Sox centerfielder Jack Ells, Clarence the Maintenance Man, people that partied with Dime Bag, and Whiskey guy man thing-yeay!?

ps-Like to thank Kent for sticking to cooking, not singing and guitar.

biff
biff

OMG baccccccooooonn! Its a reddit circlejerk up in herra!

Guest
Guest

The Food mound was like "FUCK I AM DELICIOUS" and Alice was like "FUCK YEAH YOU LOOK LIKE A COW TURD BUT FUCK YOU ARE FUCKIN DELICOUIS!"

Kergo has Ascended
Kergo has Ascended

and Foodbitch was like "fuck this" and "fuck that", and "you suck".  And Alice was like "hellya bitches, fuck and fuck!". 

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

and fake scott was like "i'm gonna marry Rob M, and we are going to have a baby named dr. g."

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Is The Cheap Bastard the one that swears alot?  Or is that FOODICK?  Why do you all have so many bits?  

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

no, you are fooddick, LDD is foodbitch, alice is the bastard de cheap and I miss sloppy joe

LaurenDrewesDaniels
LaurenDrewesDaniels

LDD is not Foodbitch. We're all our own three people. Foodbitch, Alice/Cheap Bastard, LDD. 

Kergo 1
Kergo 1

I knew you were not FB.  You keep on keepin on-gurl! (snap and swivel)  I actually forgot I was FD. 

ps-I enjoy what you write.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

please for give me for I have sinned.  I shall not confuse the 3 ever again.  thank you.  Now where can I find some good spicy curry in downtown?

Joe Tone's Brother Monte Tone
Joe Tone's Brother Monte Tone

No, I think you are thinking of Foodbiotch......she's the unfunny one that rattles peoples world with eff bombs, whilst talking of steak and poultry. 

ps-I can't imagine the crazy amounts of trendy, yuppie assholes and lonely, fat house frau's at this thing!  Now every place in town will be barraged with Food Network tips, and requests for tiny cupcakes with bacon on em. Dallas sucks. 

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