Earth (the Planet) Now Has a Stuffed Crust

By Nick Rallo Tue., May 22 2012 at 1:14 PM

Scott Reitz

Sniff. We'll miss you.

Just like everything Pizza Hut makes, Planet Earth now comes with a stuffed crust, after 300,000-plus wheels of gorgeous and delicious Parmesan and Grana Padano cheese were lost in a 6.0 Earthquake this past weekend.

Last year, we watched Scardello crack a 90-pound wheel of Parmesan-Reggiano, the all-omnipotent King of Cheeses, and it was pretty close to a religious moment. There might have been some weeping and doves. Parmesan-Reggiano is the spectacular result of dedication and care -- so, the spillage of 250 million Euros worth of cheese is a goddamn tragedy for us all. I need a moment.

OK. Now, we're left to imagine whole wheels of Parmesan falling into smoking cracks in the earth. Add some intense global warming and plate tectonics, we could be looking at Italy being fired into a giant, expensive pizza.

Mmm ... cheesy earth crust.

(h/t @patrickmichels)

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Kergo 1 Spaceship

Eff me, did someone say PARMESAN?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My parm sensor went off when I was fishing, so I threw my rig in the water, and drove like 120 miles back to Dallas to check....what's going on? Do I need to secure the Parm Police? Is anybody hurting my beloved parm?

Nick R.

Good to see you Kerg. Dammit-all if we lost some parm while you were gone.

CheeryBitch

This may the only way I could give up cheese; the Earth opening it's pie-hole and swallowing it all first. Damn you, planet!!

foodbitch

Best headline ever.

Primi timpano

If they can feed Parmesan whey to the prociutto Di Parma pigs, surely they can feed them earthquake damaged parmesan. There may be a shortage of cheese but a bumper crop of very rich prociutto.

Imaginary QB

Women and parmesan first

trannyntraining

This is God's way of showing its disgust of heterosexual relationships and opposite-sex marriages. Prepare yourselves for more impending(yet, delicioso) doom!