After Sēr, Even More Restaurants Transformed by the Totally Unnecessary Use of Umlauts

Categories: Lists

lederhosen chick.jpg
In February we learned that the Hilton Anatole's Nana was closing and will reopen as (yawn) a steakhouse. That steakhouse's name? Sēr. As in a really fancy way of saying "sear."

Moronic, right? Well, like most moronic things, it's catching on. Here's a list of other Sēr-inspired concepts sources tells us are on the horizon.

Bürger (see photo above)
Dress Code: Lederhosen required, but luckily they have some extras in the Lederhosen closet if you forget.
Perks: Bürger's harem of busty blondes brings frosty beers in big sloshy steins to your table.
Not so perky: David Hasselhoff sings his drunken, swollen heart out on the ol' jukebox. He's just lookin' for freedom, y'all.

Hawt Pøtāto
Dress code: Frozen bathing suit, flip flops.
Perks: This homage to the glorious hot metal box in your kitchen serves only baked potatoes.
Wait, what?: They don't believe in air conditioning.

Thumbnail image for TeaParty Soup.jpg
Add hot meal, pray for no vomiting.
Süp
Dress Code: Plastic apron and waterproof clothes. Or at least clothes you won't mind burning when you get home.
Why is this guy measuring me? Because you have to be 48" to enter the Süp dining room. Please sit down and pull the safety bar over your lap until it clicks.
WAIT. THIS BOWL IS MOVING: Welcome to Süp! Where owner Tom Gagliardi combines his two favorite things: Disney's Mad Tea Party ride and Pho.
This is ridiculous: Yes. Yes it is. That'll be $349.94. Gratuity is not included.

Fīr:
Dress code: Loincloth and a fine layer of sweat.
How It Works: Hairy men who may or may not be involved in a work-release program hand out sticks at the "gate." Find your spot in the woods and Todd will come by give you one match and one dead quail. The wait list is three months long.
Holy Shit I'm on Fire: Todd has left for the night. In your Infiniti.

Thumbnail image for 7-11 food.jpg
Such a tough decision...
Hēt Lámp
Dress code: Hēt could really care less, dude.
What the shit, this is just 7-11: Yeah, but the assistant night shift manager added some mood lighting and that Sony boombox in corner is playing Depeche Mode B-Sides, please stay and have a Buffalo Chicken Roller.
Is that Todd from Fīr getting a Big Gulp?: Yes.


Advertisement

My Voice Nation Help
2 comments
kindofabigdeal
kindofabigdeal

5:1 - Ratio of times I wonder how these people have jobs to the number of times I'm informed.

note to self: Stop clicking on this shit. 

Now Trending

From the Vault

 

Loading...