The Ethics and Danger of Raiding the Office Fridge

Categories: Whimsy

Office Fridge.JPG
What evil lurks
This Is Just To Say  

I have eaten
the enchiladas
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
for lunch

Forgive me
they were delicious
so spicy
and so warm

William Carlos William's poem -- his original is about about sweet, delicious plums -- popped into my head the instant an employee at the office stopped by to make a confession. It was a long weekend, and the skies had torn open and the rain fallen in sheets. The nearest source of food was a 7-Eleven, just a stone's throw away, and even that was too far, considering the weather. The employee had eaten someone's enchilada from the office fridge, and they didn't feel guilty about it.

Office refrigerators are always a hostile environment. All of them host a variety of food stuffs in varying stages of decay, but here at the Observer, our refrigerator has evolved into a full-blown science experiment. The theory we're testing is that gremlins can survive for more than 30 days in a moist 38-degree environment without external sources of food and water.

Office Fridge Lox.JPG
If I were a chef, I would call this "air dried Jewish round, with salmon leather."
Certainly, one takes their well being into their own hands during a raid. For example, it was easy to find this half-eaten bagel topped with desiccated salmon lox. Pasta dishes in unsealed containers have ages measured in weeks, and the whole mess smells like Surströmming. Eating food like this when hungry will draw its own biologically induced punishment in 36 to 98 hours.

Still, politics surrounding the office refrigerator are absolute. A quick survey of our editorial staff determined that is is never OK to pilfer food stuffs from the fridge in times of nutritional duress -- this despite that the fact apparently no one respects the food they are storing inside.

Me? I say if you're the type of person who uses the office refrigerator like an interim hazardous waste dump then you deserve to have your food stolen. If I catch you leaving a sticky carton of orange chicken in the fridge for weeks, I'll happily pilfer your frozen enchilada. (The freezer section of office refrigerators are almost always hazard-free.) I'll take that hot pocket, too. And I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty, either.

Office Fridge Freezer.JPG

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mark zero (Jason)
mark zero (Jason)

Bleh. There should be a rule that office refrigerators get cleaned out once a week at least.(Although, when I worked in Portland, we had a second refrigerator in the office kitchen that never needed cleaning out -- it was stocked with beer from our clients.)


I'm glad someone had the foresight to put their canned tuna in the freezer.

kergo 1 spaceship
kergo 1 spaceship

Funny thing is the people eating all the healthy stuff in the company fridge are the one's that weigh over 240, and I'm not talking dudes.


I barely like to eat the leftovers in my fridge let alone the crap left by my co-workers but I agree with you on the freezer is open game if they are going to let the BOTTOM look like that top picture.


Working late, eh? Already got Wednesday's first post outta the way at least.

Kergo 1 Sapceship
Kergo 1 Sapceship

Ahhh, nothing like frozen canned tuna; makes me heart rife with happiness. 

ps-The ones that eat the tuna are ALWAYS "the clean up hitters"; you know, Oklahoma heavy.  We had this lady named Marge that ate canned tuna everyday, and you could just hear her trek down the hall.  First came the heavy breathing, then the rubbing up against the wall, and finally "I gotta sit, and catch my breath!". 

Let this be a warning!

marge in charge
marge in charge

Fucking Kergo,     You needle nosed dick! I don't breath that fucking heavy you son of a bitch. By the way, it's canned salmon, you freaking assclown..........besides, I'm losing shitloads of fucking weight!  I dropped from 340 to 319 in, like, uhhh, 3 years.

ps-Because of these stupid comments, I'm eating yer chicken parmesan tomorrow.  FYI, Friday is Kerg's day to taunt the office, while he eats like 3 pounds of that delectable shit; while we are all hovering over salad, and stale or canned fish in the breakroom. 

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

I thought you might like that....I haven't produced an alter ego in about a year; since JT joined.  I may try to bring back Colton the MMA Doucher, Fake Scott, all the Evil Kerg's, Mini Kerg's, robM, etc. I do not want to get sent back to the DMN's again!

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