The Universal Food Shame Scale

Categories: Whimsy

Jeffrey Hobbs (He made you that fried chicken you just had at Sissy's Southern Kitchen & Bar because you heard from Scott that it was uhmazing.)
10. An entire bag of Oreo cookies, original flavor, with a bag each of chocolate & mint warming up in the bullpen

Jeana Johnson (You know her as the Good 2 Go Taco Goddess who makes the tacos that make you go "Unnnnnngh.")

10. God's Chicken (as my friend Tara calls Chick-Fil-A). I feel guilty because: 1) They hate the gays. 2) I don't eat fast food. But about twice a year, I crave their dirty, dirty bigoted chicken.

José Ralat-Maldonado (You know him as the Taco Trail badass, or The Guy Who Took You On That Taco Tour of Dallas And Blew Your Taco Mind Forever And Ever)

9. The barbacoa breakfast tacos from Taco Cabana. Greasy, messy and so delicious. The first time I ate one, I got grease all over my guayabera. It was love at first stain.

10. I was visiting Portland, Maine, for a wedding. The house many of us were staying at was within walking distance of the Fisherman's Grill, a rundown fried seafood and lobster roll shack. Each time I gobbled up one of the lobster rolls, packed with almost an entire lobster bound lightly with mayo, a part of me grew bright and happy while another grew dark and dank. You see, lobster rolls are expensive. The ones at the Fisherman's Grill approached the $20 mark. And I ate them for daily for five days.


Chad Houser (He's just some dude who's the chef at Parigi and stuff.)

1. Foie Gras. Debate all you want about ethical treatment, I love it so much that I went out of my way to tour a duck farm in Lebanon and watched the entire process of how it is made -- from duck babymaking to vacuum-sealing the freshly slaughtered livers for selling. My stomach didn't turn, it growled.

2. Almost every morning, I eat the same breakfast: Fried egg on toast... with a half cup of Sriracha poured on top.

3. Everything tastes better pickled.

4. I've spent 36+ years trying to like bananas. Ain't gonna happen. Sorry potassium.

5. No matter what type of candy I'm eating, I always set the orange ones aside to eat last.

6. I grew up thinking a loaf of Mrs. Baird's bread and a slab of butter was its own food group.

7. Forget corn dogs, turkey legs and funnel cakes. Every year, I make a pilgrimage to the State Fair of Texas to eat the nachos with the little chips shaped like Texas. I needn't bother concerning myself with the fact that every ingredient is so artificial that the guacamole on top probably isn't even made with avocados. Tradition is tradition, bro.

8. I once spent a week in Scotland. Seven days meant seven delicious haggis dinners. The only thing that could make haggis more delicious is if you stuffed haggis inside haggis.

9. My name is Chad, and I'm a sour candy-holic. Junkie would be more like it. There is not much I wouldn't have given up for a "hit" of high fructose corn syrup and artificial color. After some serious rehab, I am now able to walk by a bag of Sour Patch Kids without breaking out in cold sweats.

10. The jar of pickled jalapenos on the table of all "reputable" pho restaurants is meant to be an accoutrement. For me, it's an appetizer. I eat the whole jar. Every. Time. Maybe I am the reason no one gets more than one glass of water. Sorry for that. (Not really.)

It is our sincere hope that this Universal Food Shame Scale helps you identify the correct shame level for every one of your future foodings. Should you have any questions, like, "What about brisket tacos, should I feel level 7 food shame for even ordering brisket tacos?" please direct them to @cityofate.

Location Info

Good 2 Go Taco

1146 Peavy Road, Dallas, TX

Category: Restaurant

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59 comments
simplysandi
simplysandi

My guilty pleasures that I might eat once a year if at all are:1) Chicken Chimichangas - fried and with cheese2) Chicken Fried Steak with Mashed potatoes and gravy3) Chicken Parmigiana - again fried with cheese4) Big Mac - just yuck, but that sauce is good5) and yes.. the State Fair - Texas Nachos - a tradition for like the last 10 years..

Jon Daniel
Jon Daniel

@José Ralat-Maldonado My wife's people are from Portland, ME. We'll be up there later this month. She will eat a lobster roll every day. We like Becky's down by the wharf

cp
cp

Nacho cheese Doritos with jalapeno bean dip...

LDR4
LDR4

The Texas shaped nachos are sooooo good.

Rockers Mods
Rockers Mods

King Ranch Chicken from the allgood cafe The John Wayne plate at GoldrushElotes at El Si Hay

Marlene
Marlene

My friend Tony told me about this single mom that made $4164 in a few weeks on the computer. All she did was work for a few hours a day online. You can see how she did it here lazycash29.com

Mervis
Mervis

Primi brought up Miracle Whip so here goes:

BLT with Miracle Whip on one side and crunchy peanut butter on the other. Don't knock it til you try it.

Marlene
Marlene

My friend Tony told me about this single mom that made $4164 in a few weeks on the computer. All she did was work for a few hours a day online. You can see how she did it here lazycash29.com

Marlene
Marlene

My friend Tony told me about this single mom that made $4164 in a few weeks on the computer. All she did was work for a few hours a day online. You can see how she did it here lazycash29.com

todd
todd

A half dozen of Allsup's deep fried burritos on a road trip between Electra & Cheyenne, WY = 8.5     

CheeryBitch
CheeryBitch

Whole bag of pizza rolls (- come on, only like 20 pepperoni pillows in there!)? Or stealing half of the kid's Totinos pizza.

Boss Lady
Boss Lady

CB: Um..my friend wants to know, purely out of curiosity, where Funyuns might fall on your scale?

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

What about more than 5 Jack in the Box tacos scarfed down while driving to dinner at my ex-Mother-in-law's house?

NoahWBailey
NoahWBailey

I came home buzzed Friday night and ate an entire tube of Premium saltines. Where does this fall? And when I was in high school I would make the "Noah salad"–shredded cheese, Fritos and bacon bits mixed in a bowl–and eat it with a spoon.

ObserverFan
ObserverFan

LOL at dirty bigoted chicken! They source from ignorant bird farms

Myrandakae
Myrandakae

I just noticed that I dropped some marinara sauce from my meatball sub I had for lunch on my arm...and licked it off at my desk...what does this land me? 

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

I ate a whole box of Betty Crocker triple cheese scalloped potatoes on sunday. 

primi timpano
primi timpano

Totally confused.  Thought 1 was bad and 10 was good.  Don't see how mayo beats miracle whip on a "bad shit" scale.

To Chad:  Totally agree on bananas. Buy them one at a tome solely to ripen avocados and tomatoes. Re 7, Kraft has an entire secret service making pasta shapes, including the united states.  Bet you could special order Texas.#8: Put haggis on the menu, at least on New Year's day. #10.  Copy Mi Tierra and put escabache on your tables.

Daniel:  Does one really enjoy the ojos or is this some kind of mescal guisano thing that only works when drunk?

Grease Board: Mac and cheese expires? I thought the sauce hermetically sealed the innards?  Lamb and sheep in particular are filthy with feces stuck all over their coarse curly hair.  Don't think a car wash pressure hose could clean these things. Strip Club Breakfast.  Does this happen really late at night or are there some morning establishments i have never found?

East Dallas Dad
East Dallas Dad

 5. No matter what type of candy I'm eating, I always set the orange ones aside to eat last.

I thought I was the only person that did this.

TLS
TLS

I'm eating frozen White Castle cheeseburgers right now.  Microwaved one minute in a paper towel. Scale it.

primi_timpano
primi_timpano

 It embarrasses me to admit this but this is one of my very late night go to meals, and I think I really enjoy it.

Mewkins
Mewkins

then dip your plain Lays potato chips in the jar of Miracle Whip.

TLS
TLS

I ate a whole Totinos pizza by myself before the senior prom.  Ain't no big thing.

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

Funyuns are a definite 6. There's no shameless place to eat a Funyuns. 

CheeryBitch
CheeryBitch

EX-mother-in-law? Should have had 5 Jack and Cokes!

Sarah Eveans
Sarah Eveans

Noah: Next time try spreading a lil' butter on those saltines. Or a lot. You won't be disappointed (not that I'd know...).

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

Buzzed Premium Saltine sleeve: 4.5. Half of it probably ended up in your beard. If you ate that in the AM, that's a 6.

"Noah Salad" sounds a lot like Frito pie, so you'd think it'd be a 4, but because that's a motherfucking awesome name, it's only a 2.

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

2. 

It was from your sandwich. And you just ate that at lunch, so the marinara was fresh-ish. And it was your arm.

TLS
TLS

Love.  Especially if dark brown on top.

Daniel Vaughn
Daniel Vaughn

The ojos are one of those things where everyone says it's an honor to get them, so you have to eat them. Then everyone around breathes a sign of relief when you take the bait so they don't have to be 'honored' with the eye.

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

If you eat a jar of mayo or Miracle Whip, I give you a 10. That better?

Daily Reader
Daily Reader

 Orange and lime candy is my least favorite.  Unless you're talking orange slices which I only eat around Christmas time.

Boss Lady
Boss Lady

My friend's kind of a shameless bitch anyway, so whatev.

Mervis
Mervis

Butter=goodPeanut Butter=way good

Nic Rodriguez
Nic Rodriguez

That's a 4 for real butter. 6.2 for margarine. 47 for Parkay Spray.

NoahWBailey
NoahWBailey

What if the Saltines were Zesta instead of Premium? 

mark zero (Jason)
mark zero (Jason)

What's the score on eating a frozen White Castle cheeseburger without microwaving it, first?

Allie Seago
Allie Seago

And my Country Crock Cinnamon Butter "little" tub to roll ratio of 2 to 1 habit would be...?

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