The Universal Food Shame Scale

Categories: Whimsy

universal food shame scale small.jpg
Alice Laussade
Damn. Eating that freezer burrito made you feel like an awful human being. But, exactly how awful? Wish there was a way to know exactly how much shame you should feel when you eat a horrible, awful food? Wish. Effing. Granted.

Above is our very helpful, very scientific Universal Food Shame Scale:

In order to further confirm the Universal Food Shame Scale's rightness, we thought we should consult a few chefs and other serious food experts in town. Here are their contributions:

Daniel Vaughn (Also known as @BBQsnob, or That Dude Who Knows Everything About Texas Barbecue No Seriously He Knows Everything Even Anthony Bourdain Thinks So)


1. IBP beef. I know that feed-lot steer could have had a better life, but it's sure tasty when it's smoked.

2. Saucy chopped beef and jalapeno sausage sandwich from Mac's with fries and beans. Now dip the fries in the bean juice.

3. Anything I hide from my Instagram feed.

4. A whole tube of BBQ flavored Pringles.

5. Ojos de vaca.

6. Cow eyes ('cause they sound cooler in Spanish at #5).

7. Salt Lick.

8. Salads without meat on them.

9. I want my baby-back, baby-back, baby-back.

10. Oatmeal from La Madeleine. I felt so dirty afterwards that I drove straight to Kuby's for a smoked pork chop from the meat counter. I ate it with my bare hands as I sat in the Snider Plaza parking lot. There were concerned onlookers. Take that, Oatmeal.

Next: Jeffrey Hobbs, José Ralat-Maldonado, Chad Houser and Jeana Johnson

Location Info

Venue

Map

Good 2 Go Taco

1146 Peavy Road, Dallas, TX

Category: Restaurant

My Voice Nation Help
59 comments
simplysandi
simplysandi

My guilty pleasures that I might eat once a year if at all are:1) Chicken Chimichangas - fried and with cheese2) Chicken Fried Steak with Mashed potatoes and gravy3) Chicken Parmigiana - again fried with cheese4) Big Mac - just yuck, but that sauce is good5) and yes.. the State Fair - Texas Nachos - a tradition for like the last 10 years..

Jon Daniel
Jon Daniel

@José Ralat-Maldonado My wife's people are from Portland, ME. We'll be up there later this month. She will eat a lobster roll every day. We like Becky's down by the wharf

cp
cp

Nacho cheese Doritos with jalapeno bean dip...

primi_timpano
primi_timpano

 It embarrasses me to admit this but this is one of my very late night go to meals, and I think I really enjoy it.

LDR4
LDR4

The Texas shaped nachos are sooooo good.

Rockers Mods
Rockers Mods

King Ranch Chicken from the allgood cafe The John Wayne plate at GoldrushElotes at El Si Hay

Marlene
Marlene

My friend Tony told me about this single mom that made $4164 in a few weeks on the computer. All she did was work for a few hours a day online. You can see how she did it here lazycash29.com

Mervis
Mervis

Primi brought up Miracle Whip so here goes:

BLT with Miracle Whip on one side and crunchy peanut butter on the other. Don't knock it til you try it.

Mewkins
Mewkins

then dip your plain Lays potato chips in the jar of Miracle Whip.

Marlene
Marlene

My friend Tony told me about this single mom that made $4164 in a few weeks on the computer. All she did was work for a few hours a day online. You can see how she did it here lazycash29.com

Marlene
Marlene

My friend Tony told me about this single mom that made $4164 in a few weeks on the computer. All she did was work for a few hours a day online. You can see how she did it here lazycash29.com

todd
todd

A half dozen of Allsup's deep fried burritos on a road trip between Electra & Cheyenne, WY = 8.5     

CheeryBitch
CheeryBitch

Whole bag of pizza rolls (- come on, only like 20 pepperoni pillows in there!)? Or stealing half of the kid's Totinos pizza.

TLS
TLS

I ate a whole Totinos pizza by myself before the senior prom.  Ain't no big thing.

Boss Lady
Boss Lady

CB: Um..my friend wants to know, purely out of curiosity, where Funyuns might fall on your scale?

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

Funyuns are a definite 6. There's no shameless place to eat a Funyuns. 

Boss Lady
Boss Lady

My friend's kind of a shameless bitch anyway, so whatev.

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

What about more than 5 Jack in the Box tacos scarfed down while driving to dinner at my ex-Mother-in-law's house?

NoahWBailey
NoahWBailey

I came home buzzed Friday night and ate an entire tube of Premium saltines. Where does this fall? And when I was in high school I would make the "Noah salad"–shredded cheese, Fritos and bacon bits mixed in a bowl–and eat it with a spoon.

Sarah Eveans
Sarah Eveans

Noah: Next time try spreading a lil' butter on those saltines. Or a lot. You won't be disappointed (not that I'd know...).

Mervis
Mervis

Butter=goodPeanut Butter=way good

Nic Rodriguez
Nic Rodriguez

That's a 4 for real butter. 6.2 for margarine. 47 for Parkay Spray.

Allie Seago
Allie Seago

And my Country Crock Cinnamon Butter "little" tub to roll ratio of 2 to 1 habit would be...?

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

Buzzed Premium Saltine sleeve: 4.5. Half of it probably ended up in your beard. If you ate that in the AM, that's a 6.

"Noah Salad" sounds a lot like Frito pie, so you'd think it'd be a 4, but because that's a motherfucking awesome name, it's only a 2.

ObserverFan
ObserverFan

LOL at dirty bigoted chicken! They source from ignorant bird farms

Myrandakae
Myrandakae

I just noticed that I dropped some marinara sauce from my meatball sub I had for lunch on my arm...and licked it off at my desk...what does this land me? 

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

2. 

It was from your sandwich. And you just ate that at lunch, so the marinara was fresh-ish. And it was your arm.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

I ate a whole box of Betty Crocker triple cheese scalloped potatoes on sunday. 

TLS
TLS

Love.  Especially if dark brown on top.

primi timpano
primi timpano

Totally confused.  Thought 1 was bad and 10 was good.  Don't see how mayo beats miracle whip on a "bad shit" scale.

To Chad:  Totally agree on bananas. Buy them one at a tome solely to ripen avocados and tomatoes. Re 7, Kraft has an entire secret service making pasta shapes, including the united states.  Bet you could special order Texas.#8: Put haggis on the menu, at least on New Year's day. #10.  Copy Mi Tierra and put escabache on your tables.

Daniel:  Does one really enjoy the ojos or is this some kind of mescal guisano thing that only works when drunk?

Grease Board: Mac and cheese expires? I thought the sauce hermetically sealed the innards?  Lamb and sheep in particular are filthy with feces stuck all over their coarse curly hair.  Don't think a car wash pressure hose could clean these things. Strip Club Breakfast.  Does this happen really late at night or are there some morning establishments i have never found?

Daniel Vaughn
Daniel Vaughn

The ojos are one of those things where everyone says it's an honor to get them, so you have to eat them. Then everyone around breathes a sign of relief when you take the bait so they don't have to be 'honored' with the eye.

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

If you eat a jar of mayo or Miracle Whip, I give you a 10. That better?

East Dallas Dad
East Dallas Dad

 5. No matter what type of candy I'm eating, I always set the orange ones aside to eat last.

I thought I was the only person that did this.

Daily Reader
Daily Reader

 Orange and lime candy is my least favorite.  Unless you're talking orange slices which I only eat around Christmas time.

TLS
TLS

I'm eating frozen White Castle cheeseburgers right now.  Microwaved one minute in a paper towel. Scale it.

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

Jesus Christ, woman. 7.5.

I might cry right now.

mark zero (Jason)
mark zero (Jason)

What's the score on eating a frozen White Castle cheeseburger without microwaving it, first?

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