Dear Bartenders of Dallas: Just Say No to the Bottle-Top Pop (Updated)

Categories: Complaint Desk

BottleTopOldFashioned.jpg
Lauren Drews Daniels

Update: I'm catching some heat in the comments by readers who defend the practice of projectile bottle opening. This photo (pictured above) just landed in my inbox. It's an old fashioned made with whiskey, bitters, sugar, and citrus. It's garnished with a metal bottle cap scooped from the ice bin: another consequence of overzealous bottle popping.

Original Item: I promise I don't have a bartender vendetta, but some of them make it too easy. The cocktail tasting move drove me nuts a few months ago. Now I'd like to talk about something I'll call the "bottle top pop."

When I was a kid working in an Italian restaurant, the bartender saw me fumbling with some matches and showed me something called the "fancy flick." With a single hand the guy could open a match book, fold a single match over the back of the book so it touched the striking strip, and then flick his thumb to ignite it. It was a slick, fluid motion that seemed to light a match out of thin air, and you could hold it out, still attached to the book, and light someone's cigarette.

Popper.jpg
I know it's called a "popper" but please stop popping.
I made note to master the fancy flick, and still use it to this day (though it's always embarrassing when you fuck it up.) Compare this to the "not-so-fancy flick" I've seen scores of bartenders around Dallas use and I'm not as amused.

I know you've seen it. Bartender grabs a bottle of beer from the cooler, pulls flat metal bottle opener from either a back pocket or a wrist band that keeps the tool dutifully at hand, and then as quickly as possible tries to pop the top off, sending it flying to the floor. I would say the move takes no talent, but I've seen it botched too many times. Once I watched a bottle cap fly through the air to strike a patron. Another time I watched as a bartender sheared the entire top of a bottle off. Thankfully glass shards weren't sent flying like the other bottle caps.

I get that serving 500 bottles of Bud and red-headed slut shots can be boring, but there's got to be a better way to keep yourself entertained. Now that smoking isn't allowed in restaurants, the original fancy flick is moot. Something with a bit more style should take its place.


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145 comments
custom koozies
custom koozies

Its nice to have this thread, well I want to know what the specific design of cups you use for the home beer, can you please upload pics for that really encourage you.Best Regard:

Lindsayshandor
Lindsayshandor

Hey planodave...i dont come to your job, slap the dick out of your mouth, and show you how to do your job so shut the fuck up!

Chase
Chase

I am so happy to hear that writers are given jobs that they are not qualified for! With this whole college thing I was really worried that I might have to actually learn something in a field in order to earn a position. This article really reifies my hope in democracy. I think I am going to start writing for the Dallas Observer to critique cancer treatments, you know, that whole losing hair during chemo is really inconvenient for patients, surgeons should stop that.

Clearly you do not understand the restaurant industry at all, and the fact that you get paid to insult professionals is in fact baffling. I am going to assume you aren't ignorant enough to insist that bars remove tools for opening bottles, but rather you insist that bars use mounted bottle openers as the alternative. If somehow you got your wish and that were to happen then you would just write an article about how slow service has become in bars and that you can't get your beer in a "reasonable" amount of time. Your ignorance intrigued me and so I read a few other articles you wrote about the service industry. The other articles clearly demonstrate that you are clueless about the service industry. You have no comprehension of liquor cost, operating cost, or the purchasing habits of clientele. The fact that you get paid to complain about a field you have no credibility in sickens me. 

Additionally, I may be blind, but I do not see the bottle cap that is in that old fashioned picture, and if you are talking about the orange thing at the bottom I am about 90% sure that is an ORANGE peel that every old fashioned should have. #LifeBehindBars

P.S. Most people that say they used to be bartenders (or just in service industry period) simply say that just for a hookup (and then tip poorly) or (in your case) so that they can dupe other ignorant persons into believing they have credibility on bar procedures.

P.P.S. Dallas Observer, since your bar for writers is so low I may forego this whole college thing and apply for a job tomorrow. You can't go anywhere but up.

Jess
Jess

It's just so easy to judge someone else on their job performance while you sit and enjoy your beer or cocktail that you received in a timely manner and with a smile. People who do that are typically unhappy with themselves in some way and displacing said unhappiness on anyone else; especially service industry workers for some reason. While there are service industry workers who obviously aren't the brightest crayons in the box, there are plenty, and I mean PLENTY of non-service industry who share the same qualities. However, I put forth 100% tending bar and entertaining and enjoying the company of my regulars, which has afforded me the time and financial opportunities to support myself through dental school and adventures in my baking business as well. I pride myself on my speed bar abilities, service well and otherwise, while still involving my guests in the festivities. I pop a multitude of bottles every night, sometimes with my legs as my hands are tied up making shots or drinks, and in my years I have NEVER served a drink/shot with a bottle cap in it. Making generalizations doesn't get anybody very far.  I'd suggest you plan on drinking at home for a while...

lbb4lyfe
lbb4lyfe

In regards to the updated article, You should be so lucky you only recieved a bottle top in your drink. Do you really want to know what else is in the ice bins :)just food for thought.

Trentscribner
Trentscribner

Pretty easy to sum up this article. The guy who wrote it is an idiot, Planodave feels giving kids candy out of the back of his whited out van is contributing to society, and people will continue to think bartenders have no idea what they are doing even though it is a very tough job to be excellent at. People think cause they frequent a bar once or twice a week they know what it entails to be a bartender. Let them think what they want and we will go on enjoying our lives andirons them the way we see fit. None of these people will ever say any of these comments to our face cause they are so desperate for a drink so they can drown out their pathetic lives, or too scared they will get a slap in the face like the little bitches they are.

#lifebehindbars

Hah
Hah

You should quit writing about something you have never done. Terrible articles.

The people talking shit shouldn't ever go out.

When most of us make $2.13 an hour and feel like we just got beat up when we get off work from constant walking and standing for 9 hrs... You have obviously never worked a service industry job in your life. Was it nice having mommy and daddy pay all your bills and college tuition growing up?

The bottom line is if they paid us an actually hourly wage, say $8 bucks an hour with no tips, no one would give good service anymore. Also, your food and beverage prices would exceed a %20 increase on the menus.

Fight the good fight, LBB

And thanks for reminding me, I could use a couple new bar keys "poppers" as you call them

Ms Dove73
Ms Dove73

If I wanted to read pompous douchebaggery, I'd stick with political sites. Maybe we should twist them off? Use a cute little ring? Did you want that hamburger meat my hand turned into after the first hundred bottles in your drink as well? Or I could use the key your grandpa had on a string by the refrigerator in the garage? Searching through my pockets and on the counter between each batch?

You know what normal people hate? (normal being those far less self-absorbed and holier-than-thou than the author.) They hate waiting for drinks. As a bartender, I will continue to cater to them. Not your sniveling clueless pretensions.

G_David
G_David

Wow, who knew that bartenders are such a bunch of humorless pricks?

guest
guest

To say that I'm disappointed in regards to the bulk of comments towards this article is an understatement. After reading it multiple times, I could find no statement that says a bartender should find different means of opening a beer bottle. Just more concern towards the "over zealous" pop and toss that most bartenders have tried to perfect. Or the very fun and sometimes dangerous art of sliding the bar key up the side of the bottle to see how high the bottle cap will go. Just like any department in the food industry, mistakes will be made and non-food particles will end up in places that may require an apology. It's called hospitality and it speaks volumes when an unsuspecting guests gets a bottle cap in their drink. To the patrons that do get a sincere apology, don't be a dick. It's unbecoming take your frustration out someone you view as beneath you.

 While the article itself lacked substance, I was shocked that no one actually observed and computed the content before attacking. In short, bar keys are fine. Using them carelessly to bounce beer caps off of peoples heads is not. The former statement has nothing to do with my opinion of the subject matter. It's just alarming how ones perception can cloud the judgement and accuracy of a rebuttal.

And so continues the question of who is right, the patron or the employee. Ah, the power of perception. In my opinion, every one can be a dick.

ThePrincess
ThePrincess

The bartender probably put that in YOUR drink on purpose asshat

matt
matt

i prefer my lone star's to be sabered

Hellsbellz
Hellsbellz

looks like all the bartenders are finally waking up for the day...

astoogebyanyothername
astoogebyanyothername

I personally don't drink at bars anymore(don't enjoy being around other people enough to pay extra for some booze), but I can't recall in those times before, my antisocial epiphany, ever getting pelted with a bottle cap, nor having one in my drink. @Mr.Scott Reitz....if this bothers you, so much, just order a brew from the taps and encourage those you socialize with, to do the same. After all, we are to be the change we hope for! Si Se Puede!

Stephen
Stephen

Tune in next week to read this douche bags next article entitled "Dear Chef's, whats the deal with using an oven and a hotplate? Can't you like, totally cook without appliances brah?"  Jackass. 

Jwilder33
Jwilder33

Piss off DAYWALKING NERD!!!

#LBBFORLIFE

Jeezlouwheeze
Jeezlouwheeze

" Now that smoking isn't allowed in restaurants isn't allowed [...]"

How about you first learn your own supposed craft of writing before, ahem, popping off about the way others practice their trade.

Scuba
Scuba

I would love to run into PlanoDave....

Hedstrongtexan
Hedstrongtexan

Stay away from our bars. Just drink at home with a bottle of scotch and a hand gun. thanks#lifebehindbars

The Ninja
The Ninja

Whoa!  I don't know who the heck you think you are... but shouldn't you have a little bit of experience on the topic at hand! Comments like "I know it gets boring opening 500 bottles of Bud and making Red-Headed Sluts..." just shows your ignorance!  First of all there is nothing boring about our jobs!  We take pride in our skill and there is nothing easy about it!  It is not our fault your feeble mind can only blog about topics you know NOTHING about and the fact that you used Red-Headed Sluts as an example shows that you don't even drink like a man!!!  Keep your bull-sh*t comments and ignorance to yourself and stay the hell out of my bar!  LBB for life!  SERVICE INDUSTRY UNITE!!!!  #LifeBehindBars

McDoom
McDoom

Buncha fucking bartender socks in this post. There's no way this many were awake before 5pm.

#IPcheck

Jenn1618
Jenn1618

You sir, are an idiot. I bet you are a joy to be around.

Go find something else to write about..and in the meantime, stay out of 99% of the bars in Dallas from now on. Dallas  Bartenders hate you. :)

#LBB4LIFE

SCUBA
SCUBA

Suck to be Scott right now. I think you are the first person to get 8 balled by Dallas bartenders in one swoop of the pen. The world would be a horrible place without bartenders. Life Behind Bars Service Industry Unit! BOOM!

Marisa Kaye
Marisa Kaye

LOL at the Old Fashioned pic above.   'tender put the bottlecap there so the customer wouldn't order another one. #LBB

G_David
G_David

Andirons, huh?  That's just weird.

lbb4lyfe
lbb4lyfe

Only when we deal with asshats like this retard.

#LBB BITCHESSSSSSSSS

Ms Dove73
Ms Dove73

Since he specifically mentioned sending them to the floor as a "sin", and to "stop popping" I don't think anybody is overreaching here.

Jenn1618
Jenn1618

Just for the record, the majority of us bartenders dont sleep until early evening. I have a two year old and am up at 8 am with her everyday.

The Ninja
The Ninja

Stephen.... that seriously just made me laugh out LOUD!

McDoom
McDoom

Service industry posts : City of Ate :: Ranger takes game off for birth of a child : Sportatorium

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

Yeah, why is that?  You threatening me?  

Jenn1618
Jenn1618

I was off work at 4 am Thursday night, and woke up at 8 am. Just a typical day.

dont generalize.

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

Because he probably had to ask the customer how to make it...

Mervis
Mervis

Huh? (in drugged Greggo voice)

Guest
Guest

you scared?  you dont want to run into scuba... trust me

Queen B
Queen B

LMFAO!! Oh Dave you and your butt pirate buddy are gonna have to find a bar where we don't recognize your pompous asses...this industry is filled with educated and non educated people just like in the "real" world only difference is we look good behind our "desks" sorry your lover Scott had his panties all wadded up and a bottle cap came hurling at his face "not like he isn't used to your bags all over his face" forgive us if we were too busy to speak to the ambitiously gay duo I'm taking notes to avoid hurling bottle caps and focus on hurling huge dildos your way!! LBB for life!!!Queen B #Fuckindouchebagmommasboys

Mervis
Mervis

Funny.

I'm going to open a beer and leave the cap on the floor of my kitchen just to support the bartenders in the world. Can't drink outside the house without 'em.

But in all honesty, any delay I've ever had in getting a beer in bar did not stem from the amount of time that it took to open said beer.

McDoom
McDoom

Both always bring out lots of comments. And the lulz

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

Not scared at all.  I'd be happy to make any comment I have made in this post directly to anybody's face.

Guest
Guest

good one.  again... learn how to order.  ill even make yours extra special with that layer of ice on top if that is what your lady lips like

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

No, but I like to put that on my profile.  Thanks for reading!  Thank your teacher.

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

I forgot you were standing right there.

STFU, you dripping goat's penis.

Mervis
Mervis

Yo Plano Dave - Are you a Middle School Grammar Teacher?

Guest
Guest

then learn how to order you ignorant prick...

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

No, I just hate ordering a martini with olives and getting a fucking dirty martini.

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