Five More Meat Suggestions for Twisted Root
Twisted Root has gone and made everyone in the metroplex over the age of 12 giggle by adding beaver burgers to its menu. In addition to beaver, the Root also serves beef, buffalo, turkey, venison, elk, lamb, ostrich, kangaroo, emu, boar and alligator burgers topped with all kinds of melty and crispy goodness. And black bean burgers. But nobody had to kill those so who cares.
Aww, he wants to live in your belly.
City of Ate thinks Twisted Root shouldn't stop there. Here's a short list of suggestions for Twisted Root to consider when they look to add some even crazier, meatier shit to their menu.
1. Rattlesnake (above)
Nothing says Texas like a snake burger. Skin that rattly little bastard and grind up its evil, delicious body into a juicy patty topped with ... cheese? Tempura mouse tails? Word on the street ("Google Blvd.") is that rattlesnake is tantamount to chicken. And chicken is tantamount to more chicken. Aww hell, the quarter-pound of bacon on top will mask any residual snakiness.
Fun fact: The Yak's manure is nearly odorless, and the animal itself is odor-resistant. So when a live, unshaven Yak gets delivered to the service entry of Twisted Root (that's how that works, yes?) and some crazy shit goes down and the Yak gets loose and starts smashing cars and shitting all over the sidewalk, at least you won't smell it. "Yak Burger: Stopping Yak Rebellion in Deep Ellum Since 2012."
Add bacon, cheese and grilled jalapeños and I will eat Yak Burger.
Sorry we mentioned poop.
Squish it into a patty.
More like "Turfucken yeah I'll eat your crazy Thanksgiving Burger!" This is the worst idea ever, but what if the Turducken Burger came with a spicy cranberry mayo or panko-crusted green beans and an egg nog milkshake? You could avoid eating dry-ass turkey and potato flakes by taking your weird family to Twisted Root instead. Call Luby's and cancel those rolls.
He's scratching his balls with his antlers. (I don't even know if that's a Reindeer.)
Think of them more like deer with jobs. Which actually makes it worse, so no, don't do that. They're probably really tasty, what with all the gleeful Christmas cheer in which they bask, amiright?! The internets tell us reindeer meat tastes like very lean beef. Sans ammonia.