We Gave NHS Tavern a Big Box of Crap and They Made Us St. Patty's Day Drinks

Categories: The Box

thebox_3drinks_nickrallo.jpg
Nick Rallo
NHS Tavern made these awesome drinks using ingredients from our big box o' crap.
Last week, we asked Neighborhood Services Tavern mixologist Craig Cottier to use the ingredients in our The Box (shown below) to make us three St. Patrick's Day-appropriate drinks that don't taste like Hulk splooge.

Yep. Somewhere in those drinks is a russet potato, mint jelly and weird, carbonated melon drink from Japan.

the-box-st-patricks-day.jpg
Fact: Craig Cottier made this box of craps into delicious drinks. Imagine what he can do with normal ingredients. Okay stop imagining now. That's gross.
Since everyone deserves to drink delicious drinks on St. Patrick's Day instead of drinking nasty green beer, we're including Cottier's kickass recipes in this installment of The Box.

First, let's make the Mayan Samurai:

the box_nhstavern_mayan_samurai.jpg
Nick Rallo
Respect the Mayan Samurai, for it will surely kick you in the nards if you don't.
Nick wanted to drink about eighteen of these. "Whoa. It's like a margarita and a mojito had a baby." A delicious, delicious baby that we drank. I highly recommend the jalapeno and cucumber garnish, even if you don't end up including the rosemary and potatoes when you make this at home. Make sure the jalapeno's on the top of the garnish. That way, when you go to take a sip, your nose goes, "Holy crap, this is going to be spicy!" but your mouth goes, "This is actually pretty sweet." It's a fun brain freak out.

Mayan Samurai ingredients:

1 3/4 oz. Patrón tequila
1/2 oz. lime juice
1/2 oz. Agave nectar
cucumber
cilantro
jalapeno
Kiss grapefruit soda
Shirakiku Carbonated Ramune Drink (melon flavor)
rosemary
potato

(Watch the video for further instructions, Grasshopper.)

Next up, the Shillelagh:

the_box_nhs_tavern_shillelagh.jpg
Nick Rallo
The Shillelagh. "Shillelagh" is Irish for "pretty stick for beating the shits out of people."
This one was my favorite of the three. It tasted like a Jameson milkshake. Milkshakes: good. Jameson: good. Jameson milkshake: Fuckin' A, where has this been all my life? Sonic is so dropping the ball. Thanks, Craig Cottier, for bringing this into my world. I will tell all of my Irish family the legend of you.

Shillelagh ingredients:

2 oz. Jameson Irish Whiskey
1 tbspn mint jelly
1 egg white
1/2 oz. whipping cream
green sprinkles
apple licorice

(Check out the video for further instructions. Slàinte! (That means "Bennigan's!" in Irish-talk.))

And last but certainly not least-booze-filled, meet the French Pickler:

the_box_nhs_tavern_french_pickler.jpg
Nick Rallo
Yes, it sounds like a doin' it move. And Craig confirmed that it is. Hard-hitting reporter-ing: We know it's a doin' it move because 1) When we asked Craig if it was, he said, "Heh." and 2) Internet.
When Cottier was demonstrating this one, and he said, "Add two ounces of Effen Cucumber vodka," we thought he was just trying to add an f-bomb to regular cucumber vodka. Turns out, "Effen" is the brand name. I hope they come out with a line of salad dressings, baby diapers and banks. "Got an effing headache? Take these Effen drugs. While you're at it, get that dang baby an Effen diaper. Jesus, man. Get it together."

French Pickler ingredients:

2 oz. Effen Cucumber vodka
1/2 oz. St. Germain liqueur
1/2 oz. Domain de Canton liqueur
1/2 oz. Thatcher's Cucumber liqueur
Ginger beer
lime

(Watch the video for further instructions and try not to laugh when Craig says, "Effen.")

Thanks so much for making us a bunch of fancy St. Patrick's Day drinks, Craig Cottier. You're the tits.

And hey, double thanks to Chef Jon Miller, head chef at Neighborhood Services Tavern, for hooking us up with these brisket meatballs with voodoo sauce. Brisket. Meatballs, people. They're fidiculous. Eat them with your greedy little faces.

meatballs_nhstavern_thebox.jpg
Nick Rallo
These are brisket meatballs. You wants.
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22 comments
cynical old bastard
cynical old bastard

I am enjoying the heck out of the big box 'o crap series.  This gives the reader a whole new appreciation for what it takes to be in the food service bidness.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Wow!  Impressed.  Bartending is a great job to have before you get serious with life. 

Nick R.
Nick R.

Awesome! Glad to hear it. Us too. Also, it gives Alice a chance to write "Hulk Splooge." 

Scott Reitz
Scott Reitz

 No flamboyant cocktail shaking either. Craig Cottier is a great bartender.

Tim
Tim

My best guess is, you're too stupid, or a complete failure a life to be say something stupid like that.  We make more than you'll ever see.  Dip shit!!

Timothyb Leech
Timothyb Leech

Not sure who you people are, but I'm willing to bet your pathetic salary, that my friend Craig Cottier makes plenty more than you do, and probably doesn't kiss any ass.  Douche bag!

birdman
birdman

Yeah. Making money and having fun is only for kids. Being a grownup must really suck for you.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Blaze Starr was a great stripper.  Barney is a good garbage man.

Meditation Relaxes
Meditation Relaxes

Breath Tim, no one is going to take yer drink; or steal the fedora..........I just checked, and nobody is misspelling words on the internet, currently. 

Timothyb Leech
Timothyb Leech

Get a hobby you douche bag.  You obviously haven't grown up yet.  If you think you have, look in the mirror.  If you still need help, call me.  I'll show you what respect is.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

What a life you must have....who sits in a cubicle?  Not I.  Hey dude, jes sayin'. I was a bartender, and a waiter once, but then I wanted a girl to like me-and I needed a car.  Spent 3 days last week hiking East Texas, and Arklahoma.......goin' to Sante Fe next week. Work=Play Hard!  Guess what, Imma stripper working towards a college degree. Get the point?  If not, have another drink.  Next thing you know, you'll be 40, fat and wondering where it all went wrong......jes sayin'. 

Kergie out.

chef boyardee
chef boyardee

yeah get a real job sit in a cubicle and post blog comments all day

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

(That's what's in the shot glass in the brisket meatballs pic. (BRISKET MEATBAWLS!!))

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Don't forget, I also created the Watts Riots, made Jim Jones BUY the Kool Aid, ANNNNNNNNND, created the gun that killed Lincoln-jes sayin.  

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Oh boy, now I'm racist, homophobic, blah blah blah........... I guess I also created the Taliban, and global warming-effhead?  Really?  Glad you feel better about something you know nothing about-retard much?  Hell of a life!

Kerg's-1Davey- (-) 1

ps-Maybe the sports blogs will take you back!  Heck, they love hearing HSO's about steroids. and big hits in the NFL.......I detect a Fan listener here, aka a brain rotten  dude married to a Walmart momma.  Hey, fat is cool now-so is Looney Tunes Tshirts, AND BIG GIRL MOXEY.  Go Davey.

Davey
Davey

What a great website the Observer is running here, allowing lowlifes such as Kergo 1 to constantly smear his own waste all over each and every post.

It is a shame they endorse racist, bigoted, homophobic comments. 

The only good thing about this guy is that he probably makes most of us feel much better about ourselves.  

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

I didn't know spelling was being graded in this blog today, you shitturd. Although it's very honorable to defend the friend, I detect lover in this scenario.  No need to hide Tim, no one cares that you are gay-sir. It's well accepted now!  

ps-The stripper thing was an analogy you freakin' uptight, blog spellchecking, flaccid, comatose, part ape.  Good day.

Tim
Tim

If I was you (thank god I'm not), I would learn to spell first, before I judge a bartender.  No wonder you're just a pole dancer.  Next thing you know, you'll be a fat and nasty stripper, which you probably are already.  Don't mess with my friend, nasty whore.!

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

You mean like you?  Listen you vile, hollow meat socket, if I need shite from you, I'll summons you from the gutter-sir.

Paul Harvey....Good Day?

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