Ten Awesome Food Items That Aren't Food
Lip Smackers may have missed an opportunity here. They cornered the Dr. Pepper lip balm market, but failed to capture the market of meat-loving citizens of 3rd grade classrooms everywhere. No telling what percentage of my allowance would have been wasted on such a product, but it would have likely been substantial. But now I have Amazon Prime and can order all the bacon-flavored lip products my heart desires. You're welcome, boyfriend.
7. Burger Ring
A stackable, mix-and-matchable, shareable piece of jewelry that clearly understands the working girl's desire to exude a classy exterior, yet not neglect the core of her being: cheeseburgers. Valentine's day has passed but let us not forget his little gem in 11 months, men. It might take you that long to translate the website, for it is written in the opposite of English. Just find the box in which you can shove your credit card number and your special lady will be yours forever.
8. Egg Rug
You could roll around on this, yes? You could certainly entertain the ladies in front of the fireplace on this classy homage to the incredible, edible egg. Admittedly, it would be be difficult to find complimentary pieces for such a stunning rug. However, a quick Google search found a chair out there with bacon upholstery, so update your living room décor if you're a staunch supporter of breakfast.
9. Peanut Butter and Jelly Pillows
If you don't think this is the cutest effing thing in the current state of pillowdom, you are hollow inside. Again, these were found on Etsy. That place -- it's a mecca for kitschy home decorations. Peanut butter and jelly pillows, you will be mine. Oh yes, you will be mine.