Which Beers Get You Drunk Without Making You Fat? The Gross Ones, Of Course.

Eats_Beeramid_Small.jpg
HellaWella Beeramid (Illustration: Liam Gooley)
With St. Patty's Day behind us and spring break in the books, summer is just around the corner, which means it's time to get serious about our curvy figures. One of the worst offenders to the best of all diet plans is alcohol. Not only for the calories within each glass, but also for the progressive lack of self-restraint once consumed.

To help with the effort, HellaWella, a health and fitness site, has developed a chart that compares the calories, carbohydrates and percent of alcohol for 55 popular beers.

What's nice about the chart is that it allows us to measure efficiency. Sure, you could have a Budweiser Select for just 55 calories, but with just 2.4% alcohol, you'd get a better buzz from a 5-Hour Energy shot. Therein lies the challenge: the boozy part is what packs the most calories and, unfortunately, it's a sliding scale (up).

So the question is: Which beer most efficiently delivers the highest percentage of alcohol with the fewest calories?

I did some fuzzy math and you're probably not going to like the answer. Comparing calories to alcohol content, Natural Ice takes top prize for efficiency, with 130 calories and 5.9% alcohol. Rounding out the top ten in descending order are Natty Light, Miller Lite, MGD 64, Budweiser Select, Busch Light, Coors Light, Keystone, Keystone Light and Arrogant Bastard Ale. Proving the point, once again, that no matter which way you slice it, trying to lose weight is depressing.

My Voice Nation Help
25 comments
Sort: Newest | Oldest
Stone Brewing Co.
Stone Brewing Co.

Arrogant Bastard Ale doesn't belong on that list of mostly international conglomerate commodity beers. We wouldn't want anyone to think we give two cents about the calorie counts of fizzy yellow beer, or that said counts have any relevance in the world of real craft beer. Also worth noting: most of the push for light beers comes not from doctors and nutritionists, but from big brewers... which IMO, is kinda like Big Tobacco giving lung health advice.

In my mind, the numbskulls that are worried about the calorie counts in their beer so much so that it drives them to make poor quality decisions should probably just drink less. Or stop. (Which is likely the best idea, as numbskulls and drinking do not make a good combo.)

Cheers,Greg KochCEO & Co-FounderStone Brewing Co.

Beerme
Beerme

What just happened.

3Horn
3Horn

I think Arrogant Bastard just lived up to their name.

3Horn
3Horn

Nice ad copy.

Drinkrealbeer
Drinkrealbeer

Arrogant Bastard Ale

This is an aggressive ale. You probably won’t like it. It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. We would suggest that you stick to safer and more familiar territory–maybe something with a multi-million dollar ad campaign aimed at convincing you it’s made in a little brewery, or one that implies that their tasteless fizzy yellow beverage will give you more sex appeal. Perhaps you think multi-million dollar ad campaigns make things taste better. Perhaps you’re mouthing your words as you read this.At Stone Brewing, we believe that pandering to the lowest common denominator represents the height of tyranny - a virtual form of keeping the consumer barefoot and stupid. Brought forth upon an unsuspecting public in 1997, Arrogant Bastard Ale openly challenged the tyrannical overlords who were brazenly attempting to keep Americans chained in the shackles of poor taste. As the progenitor of its style, Arrogant Bastard Ale has reveled in its unprecedented and uncompromising celebration of intensity. There have been many nods to Arrogant Bastard Ale…even outright attempts to copy it… but only one can ever embody the true nature of liquid Arrogance!

Stella R Tois
Stella R Tois

I was intrigued enough by the name to give it a try - but after reading your post I'll think I'll pass. There you go, Greg, one less numbskull who's money you have to worry about.

East Dallas Dad
East Dallas Dad

I would much rather have 3-4 delicious craft beers than 6-8 watered-down tasteless big brewery beers. Quality over quantity gets my vote every time.

Arrogant Bastard isn't my all time favorite but it's head and shoulders above most of the swill on that list.

just sayin'
just sayin'

Arrogant Bastard Ale tastes like someone grabbed a bud light keg and dumped a few pine combs in it. So don't go acting like you have some sort of high quality craft beer on us.

Beerme
Beerme

Owner of Stone flies his internet all the way over from Cali to defend his brand from being on such a shitty list and you insult him? Shame.

Mervis
Mervis

He's not acting.

Steve
Steve

What's a pine comb?

Do you mean pine cone, dumb fuck?

just sayin'
just sayin'

I meant cone, anonymous internet tough guy. It was a simple typo.

pleasedon'tshockmymonkey
pleasedon'tshockmymonkey

Losing weight is a "first worlders" problem. Gaining weight is the problem of a "third worlder". My question is....which one would YOU rather have?

Mervis
Mervis

Just eat less food and exercise more. Beer is not where I want to skimp on taste.

I learned the other night that American breweries dumbed down or lightened their recipes during WW2 while so many men were out of the country and more women were drinking beer.

GusMitchem
GusMitchem

 10-4 Light Beer + six tacos at 230PM > Budweiser all night and zero tacos

Mervis
Mervis

No. Three 7% IPAs and 3 tacos at 2:30AM and a good walk in the AM > any light beer combo you can name.

just sayin'
just sayin'

I can't believe that it took this chart for me to discover that Pabst Blue Ribbon has more than one flavor. I thought PBR was an accidental double post on the chart, but low and behold they have a PBR Light, PBR Honey, PBR Strong, and a PBR Ice. I had no fucking idea.

Of course, this new knowledge changes nothing. I have no plans on seeking any of those out. I don't think Clint Eastwood would have lasted a week against those Hmong gangsters if he had been out on the porch sipping Pabst Honey. He wouldnt have been driving a badass Gran Torino, either.

GusMitchem
GusMitchem

Prob good your not searching for those

Youd have to find the epicenter of PBR to find all the varietals

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

From the looks of all those fat asses I saw at the parade on Saturday, I believe the whole city of Dallas should be on a diet.  We have to be one of the fattest cities in the US!

G_David
G_David

That's why I skip the parade and walk around Lower Greenville in the afternoon.  Everywhere I looked were beautiful women.  Sadly, they're all 20 years younger than myself.

Now Trending

Around The Web

From the Vault

 

Loading...