Five McDonald's Failed Menu Items

Categories: Whimsy

McDonalds-Arch-Deluxe.jpg
The McDonald's Arch Deluxe anyone?
Today's story about Fish McBites and my prediction that they don't last past Lent spurred my curiosity into McDonald's other historic flops. Attempts to regionally market bad food have typically done poorly for the chain. Crab cakes in the Maryland market and lobster rolls in New England states were all met with disbelief. Here are some other flubs from the largest restaurant company in the world:

The McDLT promised the best tasting lettuce and tomato burger ever. I'm guessing this one failed not only because it employed more packaging material than actual food but also because they put the cheese on the cold side. How's it gonna melt?

*****

The McLean Delux is an odd bird, indeed. Who the hell goes to McDonald's to order a low-fat hamburger? Manufacturing a 91 percent fat free patty is noble, but McDonald's had to employ carrageenan, the linear sulfated polysaccharides that are extracted from red seaweeds, to hold the thing together. Seaweed burger? Maybe in Japan, but definitely not in the states.

*****

The Arch Delux claimed to be McDonald's first gourmet hamburger. Commercials featuring McDonald's executive chef Andrew Selvaggio donning a tall toque and hocking top-end burger bliss drew crickets. Selvaggio is now working with the folks at Smashburger.

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I actually liked these in high school. That was way up in Maryland though, and I'd love to know how the parcels of gummy tortilla and flaccid chicken were received in Texas.

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Silly McDonald's. You can't serve food with a bone in it! People might figure out that they're actually eating animals! Give your "billions served" convenient sustenance all over the world, but never, ever try to convince us your food is real.

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Zeltar
Zeltar

 McDonald's serves wings in Asia; they're not bad.

TimeOnTarget
TimeOnTarget

I really enjoyed this article.  I remember being absolutely fascinated when the McD.L.T. commercial came out.   Not only did they not melt the cheese, they tried to convince you with their commercial that they were doing you  a favor by NOT melting the cheese:  "we keep the hot side hot and the cool side cool."  Oh yeah, thanks a whole lot for making sure that the cheese on my burger is cold . . . . Pretty baffling stuff until you consider what McDonald's is and how it got that way.  Now, I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that it just might be possible that the success of McDonald's is attributable to something other than their food quality.  Given its success at marketing food that can most charitably be described as excruciatingly mediocre, it is certainly understandable how McDonald's could develop a perspective that a certain type of advertising could cure all ills.   I recall how complimented I felt when I saw the commercial where some teenage kids were playing a hand game that appeared similar to "eanie,  meanie, miney, moe"  but instead saying  "one McNugget, two McNugget, three McNugget, four.  Five McNugget, six McNugget,    seven McNugget, more . . . . "  Now that's subtle:  I wanted to suggest to McDonald's that perhaps they should say the name of the product they  wanted the American public to buy just in case seven times wasn't quite enough to ensure involuntary conditioning  . . . . . "Gee guys, we could make a lot more money if we already had everything about the hamburger completely made beforehand and sitting in the refrigerator where all that they have to do to prepare the hamburger is drop a hot patty on it."  "No problem.  We will use an ad to convince them we are doing them a great big favor by giving them a cold hamburger with unmelted cheese . . . . "  "At McDonald's, we do it all for you . . . . "  Why of course they do . . . . . 

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Mr. Burgerking? Jack? Wendy? Jamey Newburg's brother? Troy from Wingstop? Spare ass former Dallas Cowboys who invested in a burger franchise?

David
David

I remember the McDLT. As I recall it was very popular. I thought what really killed it was the backlash against syrofoam packaging every fast food place used. When paper wrapped became the norm, it was basically impossible to keep selling McDLTs.

Fletch
Fletch

McDonald's had an executive chef?! Surely you jest.

Mervis
Mervis

Remember, anyone can be a chef.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

AND anyone can, and do have an Exec Chef (large corp's).....even Domino's!  Well, maybe, Dickey's doesn't have a chef?  They need one. 

cp
cp

What? Only five failed items???

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

I tried Mcd's chicken fajita and breakfast burrito when it came out, and I nearly puked onsite-effin' gross.   A couple of years ago at C'boys training camp we had free coupons for 2 FREE Arch Deluxe's........my son took one bite, we opened both windows and tossed said shite onto I-35.  The remnants can still be seen around Jerrell.  Hey, you gotta try, or die!

Mervis
Mervis

The bigger issue here is that you went to C'boys training camp. ha ha

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

I have kids.  Trust me, CBTC sucks.....the only thing I enjoyed in SA was BBQ. 

ChrisYu
ChrisYu

'who the hell goes to McDonalds to get a low fat hamburger?'......exactly!McD's tries to offer healthy options, people don't want it.whenever Hanna Raskin reported on some ridiculous lawsuit brought against McD's for making someones kid fat, she seemed to side with the irresponsible parent.so glad to see the attitude change.  

Djionaise
Djionaise

pizza! anyone remember McD offering pizza? i never had it but remember the advertising.

Louis Ham
Louis Ham

Yes. I think the McPizza was mainly offered in southern markets...it was all over the gulf coast in the early 90's

Ed D.
Ed D.

McPizza was apparently wildly popular in Canada but I fear this says more about Canada than the quality of the pizza. (They were like those single-serve Pizza Hut pies you used to get at Reunion Arena. Pre-made, pre-cooked, and mediocre on a good day.)

thufir_hawat
thufir_hawat

McFeast? Anyone?

Rob Eads
Rob Eads

 I remember the McFeast.  It was supposedly created to compete with the Whopper.  Wasn't too bad.  Then a couple of years later they came out with the "new, improved" McFeast.  It was smaller and more expensive.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

I saw McWings last year when I was overseas. Should've tried them but didn't.

All I recall from the Arch Deluxe was a weird bacon/canadian bacon/ham hybrid disk that tasted of peppery rubber.

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