Can Neighborhood Services Tavern Turn This Green Box of Crap Into Awesome St. Patrick's Day Booze Drinks?

Categories: The Box

...And a potato.

Welcome to the return of The Box. Last time, Matt McCallister turned the ingredients from the box into a bunch of awesome Super Bowl appetizers. This time, we gave our big box of crap to Craig Cottier, the surprisingly unbearded drink-mixer-man at Neighborhood Services Tavern. (Seriously, can you mix drinks in this town without some kind of jokey facial hair? Let's find out.)

When we asked Cottier if we should refer to him as a bartender or a mixologist, he replied, "Mixtender." Oh, man. This is going to be so much fun.

Here's the challenge, as we sent it to him:

Dearest Neighborhood Services Tavern drink-mixer-man, Craig Cottier,

St. Patrick's Day is coming up in a few weeks, and we'd like you to solve a problem we have: We love St. Patrick's day. We want to celebrate by drinking drinks. But, green beer is so incredibly grody.

green beer.jpg
Green beer tastes like Hulk splooge. Please fix.

We need you to create three different St. Patty's Day-appropriate drinks that taste better than green beer, using the ingredients in this box.

Box contents: jalapeno, potato, lime, rosemary, green apple licorice, cilantro, green sugar, mint jelly, cucumber, Main Root ginger brew, Kiss Grapefruit soda and Shirakiku Carbonated Ramune Drink (melon flavor).

You must use every ingredient in the box. (Note: You are also allowed to add ingredients to your drinks that are not in the box. Read: boozes.)

We'll see you soon.

--Alice & Nick

When we handed Cottier the box, he immediately started sorting it and psyching himself up for the challenge:

Cottier: "This is cool. I've already got some ideas for this. This is going to be cool."

Alice: "How about that potato? Got an idea for that?"

Cottier: "I ... no. Not yet."

Good luck, Mr. Mixtender. We believe in your drink-shaking powers. In the meantime, let's hear it Aters -- what three drinks do you think we're going to get?

Follow City of Ate on Twitter. Follow me at @thecheapbastard.

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BTW - Green beer sucks because of the flavor of beer chosen....not cause of the color.

Only drank green beer once. Day after St. Pattie's day when I was 21. Pitchers of Old Syle were a $1.50 and probably had 3 or 4 that night. The next morning's terlit results looked like Kang and Kodos from the Simpson's. Never again.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Funny as shite-funny!  Last time I had green beer was in the mid nineties, at the GA parade.  I remember puking in some guys front yard; and him and his kids aghast at the sight of a half naked man violently hurling cheap hot dogs and beer onto his bushes.  Nice?  Never had green beer since. 

Kang and Kodos.... he he.


Potato as the garnish maybe?  Cut it up all cutesy mixtender style and marinate in a few of the ingredients to flavor and make edible.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

EASY. You make an authentic (limes, cilantro, japs) sliced cucumber and diced (pan roasted) potato salad w/a ginger lime dressing-and roasted rosemary to give the potatoes flavor.  Incorporate the apple licorice by thinly slicing (ala garlic), and place in the dressing,

The other remaining ingredients should be incorporated into the dressing. 

ps-Dressings made with soda (Sprite, Sierra Mist) are actually quite delicious!


they asked for a drink, not a salad. I'm excited to follow this.


are you excited to follow everything, this is like the 3rd post youve said that on

Larry in Laredo
Larry in Laredo

Like yeahhhhh (spoken in Valley Girl speak).   

I'm excited to follow this. 

ps-More Kerg's.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Oh crud, I guess it would actually help if I read the story. 

Ok.....puree and mix jalapeno, potato, lime, cilantro, green sugar, mint jelly, cucumber, Main Root ginger brew, Kiss Grapefruit soda and Shirakiku Carbonated Ramune Drink.  Then add rosemary and green apple licorice as garnish.  

Sounds like dogsh+t!  I'll stick to Shiner Bock. 

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Yeah, sounds real bad.....let's hope he goes in a different direction. I may puke.

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