The NFL Conference Championship Food Menu

Categories: Whimsy

giants lox.jpg
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It's time, Aters. We've been watching the playoffs since the wild cards, and the championship games are this Sunday. We've been blogging about potential menus and discussing them in the comments, but now it's time to execute. If you want to put on an awesome spread to get you through the playoffs, here's what you need to do.

giants reuben.jpg
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New York Giants: Stop by TJ's Seafood Markets and pick up a side of salmon. Cure it with sugar, salt, dill or zest, and vodka. Pick up some freshly baked bagels on Sunday morning and shave your house-made lox for each guest.

As an alternative you could pick up pastrami and sauerkraut and rye bread at Bolsa Mercado. Pick up some Swiss cheese, too. Whip up a spicy Russian dressing and assemble Dallas' greatest Reuben sandwich right in your own home. (It will really be the best; most Reubens in Dallas kinda suck.)

*****

Patriots clam chowder.jpg
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New England: Whip up a thick, heavy chowder with ludicrous amounts of cream and loads of tiny tender cherrystone clams. If you want to save some scratch, cook up the big ones and mince them before you add them to the soup. If you have any sherry left from Grandma's stuffing, make sure you pour a little into every bowl as it's served.

*****

baltimore crabcakey.jpg
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Look at those lumps!
Baltimore: You have to go crab cake here. While you're at TJ's pick up a tub of jumbo lump crab meat. Sautee some minced onions and peppers and fold them into the crab meat with just enough breadcrumbs and mayo to bind things. The finished cakes should almost fall apart. Use a ring mold to make two-inch round crab cakes and fry them in butter. Serve them on little slider buns with a sharp, lemony mayo.

*****

Thumbnail image for 49er burrito.jpg
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San Francisco: Enough with the seafood; let's head to the Mission. Find some of those 15-inch flour tortillas and heat them till they're pliable. Stuff the tortillas with black beans, rice, chunks of grilled chicken or stewed meat (or both), a scoop of guacamole the size of your fist and at least three different salsas. Add enough sour cream to make your heart palpitate. What you put into your burrito is not as important as how much. You're going for girth. Think football-sized.

Pass the resultant foil wrapped burritos out to guests and watch the ensuing food coma spread through your living room. You'll end up with permanent house guests. Nobody's going anywhere.

Of course you don't have to make all of this. Choose one dish to pay homage to the team you think deserves the title. Or come up with your own menu if you like. That's what those comments are for.

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11 comments
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Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

this week's menu-King Ranch Chicken (very easy):

corn tort's-layeredsour cream white sauce (cream of mushroom works good) fajita spice, oregano, garlicshredded jack cheeseI prefer canned chicken

THAT'S IT! MMMMMMMM._______

Super Bowl Menu:-chix parm-johnsonville brats-steak n' cheese

Kergie Out.........let's go hiking; I recommend something close (within 4 hours) :

-The Perdeneles-Canyon Lake-Cedar Hill State Park-Eisenhower-Texoma Dam-Turner Falls-Chickasaw (old Platt) -Kiamichi's-Mcgee Creek State Park.......and my home away from home-Beavers Bend, Oklahoma

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Last thing I wanted growing up in New England was MORE freaking chowda/fish!  As a great New Englander texan American, I'd go with Chicken Parm-sir. 

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

were any of these even on the original menu during the first week of the playoffs?

Nic Rodriguez
Nic Rodriguez

Mmmm, Mission burritos. 

I wish I was walking out of Papalote with an asada burrito. I'd go sit on the Bethel steps and watch people. Awesome.

MitchW
MitchW

No love for Neighborhood Services Tavern's reuben?

Scott Reitz
Scott Reitz

I've had it once. I did not like it, but I got the feeling I just  got a bad one so I didn't write it. I'll get back at some point.

Christopher
Christopher

Battle Rye-al:  R+D Kitchen's "Ruben-esque" vs. Neighborhood Services Tavern's Stan O'Riley's “After Dark” Hot Oakie Reuben...different beast, both worth-it-to-kill-your-first-born-child-for-a-lifetime-of-this-sandwich good.

Anna Merlan
Anna Merlan

I demand a fetus-sized Mission burrito. I'll pretend to care about football for that.  

todd
todd

I know it's the equivalent of the mental jerkoff session that is arguing over what is and isn't in Preston Hollow, but would it have killed ya' to place the cities and foods of the opposing teams next to each other? 

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