Terrible Restaurant Websites, Tex-Mex Edition

Categories: Complaint Desk

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The last time I paid some attention to poorly designed restaurant websites, I cited as the hallmarks of a terrible home page poorly chosen music played in a loop, excessive flash and clunky navigation, along with lack of applicable information. Making hours of operation, location, a basic understanding of the menu difficult to find while playing brain-splitting tunes is a sure way to invoke madness in a sizable portion of the prospective dining population.

In the original list, sushi restaurants dominated, but while researching a holiday tamale buying guide, I realized Tex-Mex websites, for the most part, are far worse offenders.

Allow me to demonstrate.

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Before the rest of Hacienda on Henderson's website loads, the Champs are four bars into that Pee Wee Herman ruined classic, Tequila. All you have to do is add a flute playing Kokopelli and a dancing lizard and you've got a recipe for most annoying website ever.

El Fenix.JPG
On the El Fenix website, the thrum of a Latin guitar is almost soothing. But give it time. Within a minute it builds into loud rhythmic strumming. Thankfully the music is abruptly cut when you start to navigate the site. But if you go back to the home page it starts the monotonous build again.


Uncle Julios.JPG
Uncle Julio's pulls the same rope-a-dope as El Fenix, softly seducing with the warm brass trumpet tones before the cadence quickly builds into a peppy mariachi number. Click anywhere on the site and it quickly halts. Click back on the home page and the mariachi pain train begins again.

Luna's tortilla.JPG
Wow. Luna's Tortilla takes grand prize by a mile. Raspy, tinny brass playing a staccato upbeat number that bores into your brain like an audible torture mechanism. I'd rather be water-boarded than endure 30 seconds it took me to find the hours and address buried in the bottom of the right rail.

Have your own restaurant website gripes? Leave them in the comments below.



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36 comments
PhilanderingMoustache
PhilanderingMoustache

I clicked on Luna's website and it wasn't tinny at all.  I was expecting a Nokia phone-type tune, but the sound was completely normal.  Maybe you should check your speakers?

twitterbook
twitterbook

Ctrl right click up down....and you get J. Cash singing the "Ring of Fire"

mmarks
mmarks

My pet peeve are websites that offer a coupon or special ONLY if you "like" them on Facebook. This is so juvenile and meaningless that I just find myself another restaurant altogether. Facebook is the most pointless, annoying time-waster ever invented.

Plano Hipster
Plano Hipster

I hate it when Twinwillow and his wife Jon Daniel come in; and within minutes the place smells like farts and ginger-uuukkk!

Shane
Shane

I rather enjoy the music on Luna's website.  They are one of the only iconic Little Mexico eateries remaining.  They are old school and that is okay...the Mariachi music is better than Norteno, Banda and not quite as repetitive as Cumbia.

BTW you forgot Gonzalez that loops clips from some really ecclectic mix of songs (Low Rider, Selena - Baila Esta Cumbia and one other one)http://www.gonzalezrestaurant.... 

SurlyZ
SurlyZ

Having a lot of blog space to fill brings out the dickishness in everybody.

Jesse Hughey
Jesse Hughey

Please, no more music on non-music websites, ever. I've never in my life said, "Hey, this song really complements this restaurant's online menu." I'd bet that half the people on the Internet at any given moment are supposed to be working, and a sudden blast of music is a great way to signal to everyone around that's not what they're doing. The other half are probably listening to their own music and confused about why there are suddenly two songs playing simultaneously, and scrambling to figure out which of their eight browser tabs the interfering song is coming from. Or maybe that's just me.

ObserverFan
ObserverFan

What are you loco?! The Luna's Tortilla website makes me dance around a sombrero and yell AY AY AYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Taco Trail
Taco Trail

Scott, while I disagree with your assessment of the Mariachi music in question, abrasive website music is easily silenced with the mute key. Problem solved.

Phelps
Phelps

Nine times out of ten, I'm on a eatery website on my iPhone. If I can't read your site because it is infested with flash, I'm passing you up. All I want is the hours, address (I'll use google maps, thank you) and a PDF menu.

Seriously. When you are getting your menu printed, just say "give me a PDF too". They will do it. Put it on the website. Done.

Titus Groan
Titus Groan

sigh...I remember when you could build a website using only a text editor, an FTP client, and your browser...those sites have so much crap on them no wonder a restaurant can't maintain them properly.  Like your menu, keep it simple.

Steve
Steve

The Commissary's website says it's open for lunch on Sundays.

It is not.

Plus, he's a dick.

Rozbeh Sororian
Rozbeh Sororian

Not enough restaurants advertise their lunch, dinner, and happy hour specials. These are what get new people interested people!! Unless it was recommended by a friend, there's no other initiative to try it.

Guest
Guest

It's trying to find the hours of operation on most restaurant websites that bugs me the most. And, the needless, loud, non-stop music.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

I hate any restaurant website that has a place for specials (drink or food), and when you click on the link it says one of two things

1.  Specials coming soon2.  Please visit restaurants for specials

therrick
therrick

And here I thought it was the Observer blogs. POW!

Shane
Shane

Oh and Uncle Julio's sounds like they had Herb Alpert record a song for them.

mark zero (Jason)
mark zero (Jason)

I want both PDF and HTML. Because the PDF may be fine when I'm at a desktop or laptop, but jeez, when I'm on my phone I don't need that, I just want HTML. Especially since it's a lot easier for most people to keep updated.

Speaking of Google Maps, have the courtesy to provide a click-through URL, or, barring that, the address in simple text so I can cut and paste it. Putting the address in an image is useless.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

I thought girls like you liked non stop, pulsating music?  You flaccid, smelly dong. You need to be punched in the taint-madam. 

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

I love it when you go to a restaurant, and the server has no idea what the drinks cost......then you get the bill, and a shot of tequila is, like 12 bucks.  T

cp
cp

Oh, now, see Scott, the first problem I see is this: "... visit restaurants..." in the plural, meaning that you're going to chain places like those listed above. And please, how hard is it to figure what specials El Fenix has on "Enchilada Wednesdays"? 

Queeny
Queeny

BIGFAT SWEATY JonDaniel

Guest
Guest

Anytime you're wishing you're a man big enough to try it, asshole.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

My local watering whole has some of the most retarded waitresses there albeit hot. If a customer asks them what are the drink specials of they day and I am nearby, they ask me.  Im like you friggen work here and dont know the specials.  I knowm that must mean I go to my watering hole too much, commence nutkicks

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

 you may have missed the part where I said "drink" as well.  In any case, I know the chain specials and am not afraid to say I eat chain food.  Secondly there are local non chain restaurants that have more than one location in the metro.  And I will admit, its mostly bar websites that have a specials section that is devoid of any info

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Not me angry fella!  Maybe the boyfriend can punch you in SAID taint?  I don't fight sh+T...I clean it; daddy said you " cain't shine no turd"-sir. 

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

That's yuppie b+llshit; and the reason why I "hang around" this blog....I don't want +ssholes taking over.  An educated consumer is bad?  Did you not go through the recession with the rest of us?  I detect college girl, oh 18, daddy's credit card.  No reality.

TheRealDirtyP1
TheRealDirtyP1

nah, what SM said. Drinks change from place to place. Mmmmm Macallan. I prefer the 18 over the 12, still damn good though.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

untrue,  I know places where they charge 3 x's more than other places for the same drink.  Any smart money person will know that why pay $30 for a Macallen 12 when the shop next door charges $15.  I can afford it but Id like to know my wallet is getting ripped before I decide to drink it

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