Introducing the NFL Playoffs of Food

Categories: Whimsy

wings_1.jpg
I wish Buffalo would make the playoffs.
I've been looking forward to this series of posts since mid-fall, when our new Sportatorium folks joined the City of Ate fray. You see, I can think of no more perfect marriage than sports and food. And I consummate this union every year with an annual football-themed degustation.

Before you skewer me for pandering to our new friends, please note that this tradition predates our recent infiltration. I've been hosting and writing about my annual NFL food fest for some time. So with the regular season closed and the Wild Card round commencing on Saturday with the NBC Shit Bowl, it's time to think about NFL championship foods.

The idea is simple: assign a dish to each team based on its city of origin's culinary history, and let the final four teams decide your championship Sunday menu.

Dallas may not be in the mix, and trust me: I was excited to whip up a big bowl of Texas Red for the occasion (I was even going to leave out the beans). But there are lots of interesting teams in the race.

Houston is Texas' last chance at an appearance in its conference title game; perhaps chili is not dead yet. New Orleans could bring poboys or gumbo or, if it can be found, warm spicy boudin. Pittsburgh always brings the Primanti Bros. sandwich. And then there's New England's clam chowder, Wisconsin's bratwursts and Baltimore's crab cakes. And if you think beans are evil, just wait till you see what the folks of Cincinnati do to their chili.

Framing teams with dishes changes the playoffs significantly. People who aren't typically football fans find themselves cheering on wavy-haired concussion dispenser Troy Polamalu's Steelers just because they're craving a sandwich loaded loaded with french fries and sweet tangy coleslaw. My friends have come to dread that New England clam chowder, as it returns year after year. And new dishes are always a good time. Last year Chicago's Italian beef was a welcomed new addition. (The Chicago hot dog had ruled previous Bears appearances.)

So come on Aters. Jerry and Co. shat the bed and you need to back a team if you're going to keep the playoffs interesting. If you don't have any strong ties to any of the surviving contenders, you might as well base the decision on food.

Here are the remaining teams:

Cincinnati
Houston
Denver
Pittsburgh
New England
Baltimore
Detroit
New Orleans
Atlanta
New York Giants
San Fransisco
Green Bay

Pick your team, then pick your chow, and get ready to eat.



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49 comments
Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

I've got it folks!  Houston's place of choice for the playoff's is the Pancho's bathroom.  Fill up, then puke, then sh+t yer brains out.  Raise the flag?  Get a diaper?

Storm_71
Storm_71

If Pittsburgh wins do I have to warm up a big bottle of Heinz Ketchup????

twitterbook
twitterbook

NYgiants...tampon souffle..tha cunts.  lol

todd
todd

Give me NOLA with a big ole plate of BBQ Scrimp.  And if "pandering to our new friends" reduces the amount of foodnerd opining of local and sustainable jizz mopping, I say pander away.   

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Since my horse in the race was Mike Vicked after passing the 7th furlong and beginning to  head down the stretch, I reckon I'll go with N'orleans and methinks we'd have some gumbo...with some bigass shrimps, okry..hot mators..and some extra large Bubba Gump shrimps wrapped lovingly in bacon and bbq'd wresting oh so gently on the side.

Greux Saints and the spot on Bree's face!

Preciate the olive branch Scott, you're growing on us too.  Sucking less=Less nutkicks

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

I really want to go on a verbal rampage about the dumbass "no beans in chili" garbage, but I'm holding it in.

Green Bay's cheese curds damn near wins in my book.

ChrisYu
ChrisYu

RICHIE WITT SUCKS!(i'm also pandering to our sportatorium friends)

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

Ill go Green Bay and a spicy smoked cheddarwurst.  I would like Primantis but eff Pittsburg, the one team whose fans are actually worse than spoiled Cowboy fans.

Oh and those wings look damn delish, where might one find those?

Snack Perkins
Snack Perkins

Hey Reitzface,Did you ever find your go-to for chicken wings around here? 

CheeryBitch
CheeryBitch

Pretty sure it's  "Geaux" Saints. But what do I know; I'm just a born and bred Cajun. (Yes, with a capital "C", baby!) ;)

I'll take spicy chicken and sausage jambalaya and fried okra, please!

Storm_71
Storm_71

If I want beans I'll make'em but they do not belong in chilli.

Nic Rodriguez
Nic Rodriguez

He's a Texas boy, so I have no problem rooting for him.

So far, the foods I would choose are:Cincinatti - Skyline Chili (gross)Houston - Denver - Rocky Mountain OystersPittsburgh - Primanti's stuffed sandwichNew England - Lobster roll (Sorry, chowder. Maybe next year) Baltimore - Crab cakesDetroit - ConeysNOLA - Oyster po' boysAtlanta - New York - NY style pizzaSan Francisco - Green Bay - Brats and fried cheese curds

I left a couple blank because I didn't want to put overcooked steak for Houston and I can't decide on something for San Francisco...there's too much.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Hold it in Scruff, it makes you strongeer and most of all: correct..POW!

Go to Tolberts friendo, fantabulous bowl o Red...like it's sposed ta be. 

Queef man
Queef man

Snack,    Can we use your toilet?

Scott Reitz
Scott Reitz

Bryan Street Tavern still has the best I've tried. Extra crispy with blue cheese please

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

That was actually my attempt at fake Chan Ho doing Sandler from Waterboy. Geaux South La! Big fan of the Avery Island part of it.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Right there wit ya Brutha! There's a place for beans, for sure..but that place ain't in my bowl o red.

CheeryBitch
CheeryBitch

Chicken and waffles from Hotlanta. Though, I'll happily chow down on fried dirty bird.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

Atlanta=Varsity, im told itsa wonder of a burger joint, and get a shake

San Fran, you could get a nice Chili dog (if you know what I mean)

NOLA-Acme Oyster House, chargrilled Oysters and a bowl o gumbeux hot

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Good list;

fried cheese curds=wantLobster Roll=want

San Fran=Give them a baddass bottle of Cab and maybe some seabass and I may have to change my vote

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

New England....chicken parmesan,sir.  Last thing I wanted when I was a kid, was a another meal from the sea.  If'n I'm eatin' watching my great Pats, it'll be the aforementioned parm sammy, or King Ranch Chicken.

For Houston, unnnmmmmm.....Macdonald's or nasty BK (stuff makes me wanna puke).

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Not a damn thing wrong with beans in chili, and any so-called Texan who throws a hissy fit about it can take a flying leap off the Calatrava bridge into the Trinity. Its origins are as peasant food--they threw whatever crap they had into the pot. Beans too.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

soory boys, no beans in my chili, just a nice hot spicy bowl o red

Storm_71
Storm_71

I tip my Red Ranger cap to you sir.

Snack Perkins
Snack Perkins

No, all of my toilets are occupied. If you want to poop at my burger stand, there are some port-o-lets at the Baylor Hospital constructions sites down maple. 

Nic Rodriguez
Nic Rodriguez

I was thinking pasta carbonara, some kung *POW* corned beef, some handmade salami, sourdough bread...

Man, I gotta get back to SF.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Well taught, I'm sure. tWas a staple in our cabin growing up near the piney woods.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

learned the art of KRC in Alpine; from a guy camping next site over.  

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

It was great again Merk, the wifey and I had the Chophouse burger..Best dang piece of hamburger meat anywhere. Next time we go we're gonna split the Mexicana and the pork q burger. Tried the chili: meh

Celebration is the bomb, used to have one over here off of Camp Bowie..lot a family meals and good memories. They have a to-go market as well, always get a dozen of the muffins to go..your wifey will love you long time.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

we was supposed to have a group lunch at celebration, my boss says the place is awesome.  Hope we make it over there soon.  How was your most recetn chophouse visit?

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

Houston=something left overnight in an American Standard

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

I had a BAD experience with a lobster roll, and asking for Tabasco. Fried clams will do in  seafood pinch, or tuna taco's-mmmmmmmmm!  A bit of ranch on that; cilantro.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Kergs, serious questione senor, how the eff did your sainted mother know about the greatness of King Ranch chicken?  Thought that was only a Great state of Texas thang.  Betty Crocker cookbook is my bet, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Best King Ranch chicken in y'alls part o the world: Celebration, check it out.  When I have to go over there, I'll take customers for lunch.  They also have very good pot roast with horsey sauce and freaking awesome (and gratis) pumpkin mini muffins...and mescun cornbread as well.

Nic Rodriguez
Nic Rodriguez

I like a little chicky-chicky parm-parm as much as the next guy, but I have dreams about those lobster rolls. 

Houston could also be Chili's. They are all over down there.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Hot damn, I bow to you, good sir.

I was recalling the San Antonio "Lavanderas" in my mind and forgot about the range heritage. Personally, I'm cool with beans in it, but I'll admit that it may be a less than authentic Texan approach to good ole chili.

TheRealDirtyP1
TheRealDirtyP1

I can't believe what I'm seeing here. Two strong Texans saying no beans in chili. What the fucking fuck?I give up on the world today. I'm going to try again tomorrow.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Slowly raises hand..Mr. Tex Texas here sir, Calatrava bridge is SG..Trinity is dirty...if'n Im gonna jump in a river..it'd probably be the Brazos or Colorado and once and forever more: Chili doesn't have beans.

Records were found by Everrette DeGolyer (1886-1956), a Dallas millionaire and a lover of chili, indicating that the first chili mix was concocted around 1850 by Texan adventurers and cowboys as a staple for hard times when traveling to and in the California gold fields and around Texas. Needing hot grub, the trail cooks came up with a sort of stew. They pounded dried beef, fat, pepper, salt, and the chile peppers together into stackable rectangles which could be easily rehydrated with boiling water. This amounted to "brick chili" or "chili bricks" that could be boiled in pots along the trail. DeGolyer said that chili should be called "chili a la Americano" because the term chili is generic in Mexico and simply means a hot pepper. He believed that chili con carne began as the "pemmican of the Southwest." It is said that some trail cooks planted pepper seeds, oregano, and onions in mesquite patches (to protect them from foraging cattle) to use on future trail drives. It is thought that the chile peppers used in the earliest dishes were probably chilipiquín0, which grow wild on bushes in Texas, particularly the southern part of the state. There was another group of Texans known as "Lavanderas," or "Washerwoman," that followed around the 19th-century armies of Texas making a stew of goat meat or venison, wild marjoram and chile peppers.

In conclusion, nana nana boo boo..Chili doesn't have beans but stew do.

cp
cp

Oh wow.... how clever...

Snack Perkins
Snack Perkins

And by which I mean UT Southwestern construction sites. 

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