The 10 Worst Fast Food Trends of 2011

Categories: Whimsy
Denny's Mac and Cheese Big Daddy Melt, which was part of their "Lets Get Cheesy" Menu
Last year, Planet Earth sorrowfully asked mankind "Why, dear peoples, why?" after the invention of something sinister and bizarre: KFC's Double Down.

Well, congratulations, 2011: You are the mind-fuck of a fast food year that actually found a way to add to the Famous Bowl, to create McDonald's mind-control television, to create a soda that's "not for women" and to literally, actually vilify vegetables.

[slow clap]

Who knows what they'll do in 2012? Maybe Pizza Hut will build new restaurants actually encased in cheese, and you have to eat your way to the door. Or Taco Bell will synergize with the March of Dimes and create a street made entirely of reinforced taco shell.

For now, though, we're pointing the finger at you, This Year. We're targeting the most insane, over-the-top conceptual abominations (to health and society) and trends released by the fast-moving food industries.

lilsmokies_new.jpg
Nick Rallo
The Starbucks Trenta can hold an entire bottle of wine. Or, one-and-one-half packages of Lil' Smokies
10. The Starbucks Trenta Coffee Cup
Earlier this year Starbucks released a new size meant, we can only assume, to be a game-show like challenge for your bladder. The Trenta coffee cup can hold 31 ounces of coffee. Also, 28 slices of bacon.

doritoshell_new.jpg
Gothamist
9. The Taco Bell Shell Made of Doritos
After the great meat fiasco of 2011, where Taco Bell's meat was discovered to be less "meat" and more ground street leaves or something, what did they do? They secretly released a new taco shell made entirely of Nacho Cheese Doritos.

maccheesepattymely.jpg
8. Denny's Mac 'n Cheese Big Daddy Patty Melt
Besides the bear-fattening-for-winter calorie count on this sucker (also, what is "zesty Frisco sauce"?), this sandwich was actually part of a larger "Let's Get Cheesy Menu." Which, of course, is a themed menu featuring dishes to "bring out the cheesiness in anyone."

11-18-2011-SCB-AllVarieties.jpg
7. Domino's Stuffed Cheesebreads
The Domino's marketing strategy this year has been fascinating. They keep reminding people that they're terrible, and they're using their "past" terrible-ness to push slightly less terrible food. Recently they decided to revamp their previously terrible breads with more "gourmet" breads. Gourmet, if you didn't know, means more cheese in the center.
 

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55 comments
Muni Kulasinghe
Muni Kulasinghe

Just wanted y'all to see this...didn't need to moment here, but I'm being lazy

Cubicle Rebel
Cubicle Rebel

All I'm saying is they should go on and name these "foods" appropriately (I don't even like the word appropriate: oy). Heart Attack BurgerClogged ArterFriesRed Dye #40 TreatsDead in 10 Surprise

You get the picture. It's like there's a backwards food revolution going on--food eating contests, more butter on top of too much butter, Paula Deen, Inc, stack the burger to the ceiling THEN bite into it standing atop a ladder...SICK OF IT ALL. This isn't living.

devil's advocate
devil's advocate

What ever happened to good old fashioned groceries? I foresee the art of cooking being lost on the next few generations in the US.

The Stig
The Stig

I agree with the liquor infusion fad. It took a long time and a lot of effort to find hard liquor I like. This infusion business is absurd and now local bars and restaurants have jumped in with their own infused drinks in addition to the liquor companies that keep adding flavorings to alcohol. I don't want my Blanton's, Knob Creek, Maker Mark, or Jameson infused with fruit in a sun-tea jar on the countertop at the bar. It should be poured directly from the original container in to the glass I will drink from.This infusion crap reminds me of my youth. Out of economic necessity we infused Everclear with powdered Hawaiian Punch in a yellow 5 gallon Igloo water cooler. I would like to think I have developed more discriminating taste with age.

Mind Your Own
Mind Your Own

I eat out maybe once every two weeks. When I do, I like the option of being able to order something heavy on the cheese or not necessarily good for me. Eating out is a special treat on rare occasions. 

How the heck do you have the right to tell me (or these businesses for the matter) what they should or should not be selling. Nobody is forcing you to buy any of this. You don't like it? Don't eat it! I like a lot of it, and do eat it, rarely, as a special over the top treat. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, and I exercise. I should be able to enjoy some fat and carbs if I feel like it. 

Montemalone
Montemalone

You left off the biggest food disaster or all - Guy Fieri.

hdmi
hdmi

Over eating these food will increase your cholesterol level and worst lead to heart attack.

mmarks
mmarks

I have a weight problem and I love food. I admit it. But I do NOT eat "fast" food. The last time I ordered from KFC (possibly around 1997) I received undercooked fried chicken with so much white globby fat under the skin that I couldn't eat poultry for a decade. As for McDonalds, everything they sell (burgers, fries, you name it) is sickeningly sweet to attract (and trap) children, and the McRib absolutely terrifies me. It looks like pre-digested, machine-formed polyester.

ObserverFan
ObserverFan

I haven't tried any of these except for in-n-out. Gawd I'm SUCH a foodie!!

Elfmuffen
Elfmuffen

There is nothing WRONG with meat or cheese. ENOUGH of this constant villifying of anything that doesn't look like shrubbery or resemble cardboard. The best diet is one in which there is VARIETY and MODERATION. I personally don't want to live in a police state. And pages like these, where something as natural as cheese, is villified, take us one step closer. Oh, and to let you know, I grew up in a health food store and love my veg. I also eat meat and cheese. And I'm 90lb..., at 5'4, at 36 and have had 3 children....cus I have self control.. howw about espousing that? SELF CONTROL. Meat and cheese don't make you fat.....eating like a pig does. You can't blame restaurants for that. Its time for people to take responsibility and stop blaming restaurants . You're not victims...sorry.

Justin Julian
Justin Julian

Wow, is there some award for elitist food snobbery?  While most of the time this blog is obsessed with the hunt for the best burger in Dallas, now eating cookies for dessert after pizza is somehow -for shame-.  If some local trendy tex-mex joint threw out a flatbread sandwich filled with sliced steak, it'd be a hit with your writers.  Because it's Taco Bell it's a 'steak coffin'.

Oh, and one more thing: these are not 'trends'.  A trend is something that happens across time, these are items featured in fast food outlets (or grocery stores, or wherever).  Not trends.  This article should be titled 'some fast food a random Observer writer doesn't like'.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Pizza and carots?  Really?  Gotta come stronger than that Nick..

I want to punch that In and Out gal in the nads everytime I see that picture.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

Gotta say Dominos turned it around, I do enjoy a pizza from them everyonce in a while.  the new crust and sauce remind me of a day when papa john's use to have that aweomse garlicy taste with lotsa sauce.  Now for the rest of the pile of shit on your list. Bravo (slow claps)

Now when do we get the 10 worst trendy bar trends of 2011.  I'll get us started...1.  "infused"-a good bartender doesnt need infused shit, he/she can make a tasty beverage without some commercialized vodka company selling junk2.  Wings-they are everywhere, everybar, and an order of 10 without your side of ranch has 1732 calories of which 65% comes from fat while a Big mac that is the stepchild all foodie people make fun of comes in at 540 with less than 50% from fat

ok take it away

Sundey McClendon
Sundey McClendon

 I am a little mad at you for including the Trenta cup on this list. There is no such thing as too much coffee, blasphemer. 

MattL1
MattL1

A few thoughts:

1.  I've noticed that the DiGiorno-accompanying buffalo wings have been given the spelling "wyngz."  Aside from looking Balkan in spelling, could that be for legal reasons?

2.  I see now that KFC has gone with the spoon-and-fork, double-ended utensil as the preferred tool for consuming the death bowl.  In doing so, have they successfully removed the final barrier preventing people from shoving as much disgusting shit in their faces in as little time as possible?

3.  Every damn time I see the de-sauced McRib, I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from ordering it that once.  

All that being said, I do enjoy a Double Double from time to time.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

That KFC's Famous Bowl with Bacon looks gooooooooooood!  Ain't nothin' wrong with that cheesy, steaky goodness.Kergo 1, Writer-0_____

Standings:Kerg's/1-0, Scruffy/1-0Writer/0-2 (divisional play, so it's like 4 losses) Mary (dq'ed for punching food judge in the nuts!)

Next Game:JBG vs. Writer/Time: 12:16 CT/Odds-JBG by 4 Touchdowns

________Minor Leagues:-Scott-dr. g.-Rob Em

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

I counter your whiny list with Whataburger's Green Chile Cheeseburger.

Scruffy 1, fast-food-sucks-because-it's-the-downfall-of-society-overplayed-POV writer 0.

JesseHughey
JesseHughey

Yeah, Nick!! What gives you the right? I mean, other than the First Amendment.

Dnotreally3
Dnotreally3

Eating all of these foods once a month, along with a sensible all-around diet will avoid that heart attack just as well as total avoidance.  How do you think grandparents became grandparents?  They didn't worry about this.

I mean, if you don't know that pizza and wings go very well together, especially watching a game or something along with many high-calorie beers, your life is seriously lacking, man...

Angela Wells
Angela Wells

 90 lbs at 5'4"?  CDC calls that underweight which in its own right, has issues too. 

cp
cp

The idea of pizza and cookies is that since you already have your oven on, you might as well throw in some cookie dough too, that way while you "enjoy" your pizza dinner, your "dessert" will already be cooking. It's not really a dumb trend, Papa Murphy's has been doing it since they opened. 

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

but too much coffee in one cup is bad, it gets to cold before I can finish it, Id rather the last sipto be at least half as warm as the first

Keith
Keith

I don't get the Trenta being that big of a deal, every convenient store in town sells soft drink in larger sizes then that.

JesseHughey
JesseHughey

I'm guessing the "wyngz" spelling is because the food product doesn't contain actual wing.

Montemalone
Montemalone

re: #2They're working on a funnel shaped container to eliminate the spoon/fork entirely. You simply raise the container over your pie hole, pull the plug, and let all that fatty, greasy, carbo goodness sluice down your gullet.

Elfmuffen
Elfmuffen

Why is it a businesses job to put a barrier from someone overeating? Seriously? Do people not have free will? If that's what you want, then move to china. Enough with this 'victim' s***, seriously. Just stop it

cp
cp

on 1. I was wondering the same thing, thinking, How in the world did anyone manage to trademark the word 'wings'? But personally, I don't even like to shop at places that use stupid, cutsie misspellings like "KWICK KAR" or "Y PAY MORE", and I'm not one of those spelling nazis in here. 

cp
cp

Hooray, I'mm off "the list"! (I guess I'll put down that bottle of sleeping pills I was planning to take later)

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Hdusnvkdsnhfiudsnfdssdf

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Nick R.
Nick R.

Well hey, I never said the downfall of society. Just the entire planet of Earth.

Allie
Allie

Personally, I'd bake the cookies first and then the pizza.

mark zero (Jason)
mark zero (Jason)

If you're going to actually drink your coffee in the coffee shop, tell 'em you want it in a mug. Keeps it warm, is more relaxing to hold, and saves a brazillion rain forests, too. 

(Starbucks had a discount once if you used a mug instead of paper, but I don't think they do it now unless you actually bring one.)

Sundey McClendon
Sundey McClendon

I understand your plight. I felt that way too when I was drinking it recreationally and not as a means to stay conscious. But now I just need as much coffee as possible. 

cp
cp

That Trenta cup pictured looks like the ones for the frozen crappucino thingies. And the small ones already have something like 5,000 calories, so I would think that drinking a super-sized one would be like drinking 600 Big Gulps. 

Sundey McClendon
Sundey McClendon

No I drink a little too openly and I quit voting after Jesse Ventura dropped out of politics. 

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Just because her comments and stories seem extremely "sanitized",it does not mean we have the power to judge thee. 

MattL1
MattL1

I will only order it if they promise to make the funnel itself out of fried chicken.  That way, you don't have to throw the container away.  Very green!

MattL1
MattL1

Huh?  I don't think I said anything like that.  Don't be so prone to overreaction.  

DoubleOJoe
DoubleOJoe

Believe it or not, the USDA regulates the term.

http://askfsis.custhelp.com/ap...

"FSIS allows the use of the term "wyngz" to denote a product that is in the shape of a wing or a bite-size appetizer type product". 

MoronDog
MoronDog

"Look...."Wyngz" is much more kick ass than "wings" and I need more awesome "x-treme" stuff in my life.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Dude, you've been off the list for a long time-sir. BTW, suicide is never funny.  Murder humor is where the new FUNNY is at....check out the Great Gordo.

guest
guest

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

I was rather snarky there, my apologies. I really can't fault most of the list for ridiculousness, but I do want Subway's marketing campaign and ads as honorable mention for being schlocky, stupid, and cringe-worthy and something I wish would go away. I'll tolerate McDonald's "sweet tea pie" dumbass ad if I can escape seeing Micheal Strahan and his uncharismatic cohorts pimping subs.

cp
cp

Ha HA! (a la Nelson Munch)

Sundey McClendon
Sundey McClendon

I went today and tried to get the Trenta size and you were right, they are only for frozen drinks and iced tea now. I guess I'll have to stick with carrying a thermos and a flask. Boo. 

Sundey McClendon
Sundey McClendon

You can get regular ones for coffee. I think Nick just got that one for the blurgh factor of stuffing it with Lil' Smokies. 

cp
cp

Why do you keep calling me dude and sir??

therrick
therrick

I would be happier if we could also get him off of the Fox set.

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