I'mma Blow Up Gingerbread Houses. What're You Doing on New Year's Eve?

Categories: Holidays

GINGERBREADHOUSE.jpg
One way to ring in the New Year that won't give you crabs. Might lose a finger to a firework, though. Be safe.
​My favorite New Year's Eve tradition comes from my friend, Andy. One New Year's Eve a long, long time ago, Andy's step dad created the best tradition since drinking beer always. The story goes that Andy's step dad (let's call him Badass McAwesometown), Badass McAwesometown, was left at home unsupervised with a winning combination of items: one brand new video camera that he got for Christmas, too many beers and a bunch of sweet, cute, unsuspecting gingerbread houses.

At some point, he got bored and decided that it was about time to shoot some kickass video with his new Camcorder.

The obvious answer was that he was going to have to blow some shit up. Even more obvious was that those gingerbread houses were going to look super rad exploding in slow motion.

Pretty sure Andy's mom wasn't thrilled when she got home, but the tradition stuck and they've been blowing up gingerbread houses every year since. "There's just something about blowing stuff up on New Year's makes me feel American. I hope to pass this on to my kids one day. Because it's fucking awesome," says Andy. Indeed, it is, sir.

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Oh, what cute dormers! NOWLET'SBLOWITUP!!!!!!!!

Here are the tools you'll need if you want to carry on the Badass McAwesometown family tradition:

graham crackers (for the walls and roof of your house)

white icing

obviously gum drops

other sprinkles and decorative shit

giant square of cardboard to stand your house on

drill (cordless preferred)

Black Cat fireworks (or whatever else you've got on hand, don't blow yourself up)

Allow contestants to build houses, noting that there'll be one award for prettiest house and one award for best explosion. Drill a hole in one graham cracker wall of the house and put the firecracker inside (fuse obviously sticking out) before anyone puts the roofs on their homes.

Vote on prettiest house, then blow the shits up and award the title of best explosion. This will be your favorite New Year's Eve ever.

Besides high-fiving strangers, barfing in a dirty toilet and contracting a new STD ("Ooh! Chlamydia! I haven't had that one yet! Sweet!"), what's your favorite New Year's Eve tradition?



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11 comments
blackcatsearching
blackcatsearching

  Yo, an astonishing blog post buddy. Thank you However I am having issue with ur RSS feed. Fail to subscribe. Is there anyone getting similar rss feed trouble? Anybody who knows please respond. Thanks!

MMA Shorts
MMA Shorts

Great experiences you have given in your post... Your post contains good stuff to read...

blackcatsearching
blackcatsearching

  Have you considered adding some relevant links to your article? I think it might enhance viewers’ understanding.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

I just blew up my commode with a combination of freebirds carnitas burrito, chuys chile relleno and midnight drunk easy mac with hotdog. I just may have to blow some shit up this weekend now just for alice

guess
guess

Yo, Alice. I've got a challenge for ya in the coming new year. How bouts we sees if ya can write one article without using an expletive??? The brash, takes no crap, tough/foul mouth female journalist was a little endearing at first, but now seems as if ya just copy and paste. The schtick gets a bit old after a while. 

NewsDog
NewsDog

Fun idea but Blackcats? Really? This is Texas dammit. M-80s Since I'll have 250 acres to play on this New Yeas Eve I could really up the ante and use an Artillery shell. Place it inside the house without the launching tube and run the fuse through the roof. That, or a 12 gauge from about ten feet.

Montemalone
Montemalone

P.S.Don't try this inside your own house.Go to your best friends house.

Nic Rodriguez
Nic Rodriguez

I plan on going to a live action re-enactment of the Jersey Shore at an Uptown bar. Maybe this year instead of getting into a fight with my date I'll just throw up in the bathroom while she cries at the valet stand.

Seebs
Seebs

Yo guessI've got a challenge for you.  Don't fucking read the articles.

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

1) Don't blow yourself up.

2) Get video.

3) Send to me.

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