Foodbitch's New Year's Resolutions

Categories: Lists

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photo by foodbitch
Loaded sweet potato fries at Company Cafe. They will be eaten again in 2012.
Resolutions are nasty little things we "make" every January 1 so we can disappointed in ourselves for not living up to our own ridiculous expectations. Well guess what? I resolve to be who I am for the next year, and be fucking happy about it, too. Here's what else I'm going to do.

Gain 10 lbs.
I work for you, Dallas. And I work hard. It's, like, totally a skill to squeeze between five and seven meals into each day, but I'm all about continual improvement. So sure, I might work out a little, maybe buy a bicycle or something. But I'm still going to eat food like the world might end tomorrow and everyone I dine with is from out of town. So I'm more likely than not going to become even more to love.

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Sarah Kerens
Wild Salsa's lengua had no bite
Eat outside the box.
A few months ago I tried lengua tacos. They blew. But that's okay. I'll push on. There's no telling what 2012 will be the year of. I'll be taking suggestions, though. And, who knows? Maybe I'll decide what the lucky food item is next December. That way my resolution/prediction will be dead-on. And I will win the year.

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Great read
Eat more pickled things.
Pickling is so hot right now. So I can only assume, save for pickled ginger, which is the nastiest shit ever, that I will eat more pickled items. Besides, I already like pickled cucumbers, so this resolution should be a snap. I shall get myself over to Campo posthaste. They like to pickle stuff, right?

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pie chart via ihatecilantro.com
Member since 2006
Learn to hate cilantro less.
Okay this is a real resolution, people, a goal I've had for some time now. I plan to do something about my fear/hatred and get over it. In the year 2012. This may involve shoving copious amounts of the vile weed into my mouth, or hypnotism or something. Maybe both. RES-O-LUTION.

Cheers to being who you are and to realistic expectations, and Happy New Year.

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19 comments
potted meat product
potted meat product

Genetics makes it where some people simply cannot eat cilantro- these people report the taste as being soapy, while people without the specific gene/mutation? are able to eat it without a problem (much like most of us).  Now excuse me while I chomp on this fresh beet.

matt
matt

You're neither experienced enough to write about food nor a bitch. I just don't understand your schtick. Should you really continue to try to play a food cricket in 2012 on the webs?

cp
cp

Zzzzz... Um, hey, is adding the words "fucking" (as an adjective, so clever!) and "shit" supposed to magically make this post funny? 

ReformedCilantroHater
ReformedCilantroHater

FB, I hear your pain. I used to hate cilantro so much I gave up chile con queso for a whole year... just in case some of that vile, soapy, green, leafy stuff *might* be in it. I did self-hypnosis a few times over a two-week period and can now chow down on tex-mex without worry (although I reserve the right to pick it out of any dish...especially if it has stems!)

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Ladies, I will be dining at Chophouse burgers in Arlington at 1:30 today, no pictures, but autographed fries can be purchased.

Happy New years to all but Jon and twinwillow, and most importantly have a kickass summer.

Jim
Jim

Try the pickled cilantro. It's devine, amazing and not a fail, even of the epic kind.

Guest
Guest

Seen a picture of you and think you are plenty fat enough.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Fooddick's New Years Resolutions:

1) Eat more cheese2) Drink more3) Comment on COA more4) Let the yard go to hell, like my neighbors to the west (and That'll give me more time to comment and Skype) 

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Don't be mean; it's Jeebuses after afterglow birthday parting.  In honor of X-mas parting, I took down all that decor-hurrah!

BigTex
BigTex

Stems are the best part!!!

Guest
Guest

Thank you. And may your groin never heal.

LaurenDrewesDaniels
LaurenDrewesDaniels

1. Wrong. 2. Rude. 3. You need to evaluate how you're spending the last few days of the year. It is possible apocolypitcal afterall. 

foodbitch
foodbitch

Thanks for the assessment, Guest and 1 person. Happy New Year!

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

If you're gonna be an abrasive ass register like the rest of us when we're being abrasive asses.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

Maybe you should resolve to being less of a prick, merry holidays guest

foodbitch
foodbitch

See? It's important to have realistic, attainable goals. Well done.

Guest
Guest

It would only be wrong if I wasn't right.

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Thank you, I feel these goals can be attained easily-and make me a better, more handsome, productive member of society.  It will enable me enough plus time to study global warming, Euro monetary trends, and engage in an active recycling program.  Heck, I may even write a report on beet farming in the Balkins (with side notes on Albanian recipes), and/or how why one man (Craig James Helicopter Daddy) can destroy two college football programs; with a special section on Adam James crying like a baby, because he was locked in a room with his IPhone.  I'd also like to do a leaflet pointing out why a good company would never want to hire Adam James, and why crying to your "helicopter daddy" when you are grown makes you look like a spoiled sissy. 

ps-I'd have told Coach Leach to keep him locked in said shed until he sweated the sissy out of him. 

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