The Five Most Memorable Cheap-Ass Meals the Cheap Bastard Ate in 2011
Every week I try to find a lunch in Dallas that's less than ten bucks. (Of course, empty parking lots, barred windows, cash only and misspelled menu items are always a plus.) Not every meal I discover is delicious, but they're all memorable. Here were my five most memorable Cheap Bastard meals from 2011:
Mr Charlies ended up being a literal blast.
Mr Charlies Hamburgers
It wasn't necessarily the most delicious cheap lunch I've eaten in Dallas, but I'll never forget that meal. An excerpt:
I immediately asked Google to give me directions.
Google: (scared) Uh ... you sure?
Me: Yeah. Mr Charlies Hamburgers. Tell me where that is.
Google: Are you sure, sure, though?
Me: What are you talking about, "Am I sure?" Of course I'm sure. Just fuckin' google yourself, Google.
Google: Fine, asshead. Hope you get crabs.
My Fit Foods
Next time, I'm gonna save the 10 bucks and just microwave a sock and not eat it.
Sabor: A Taco Joint
I haven't been in a dance club in about 10 years, but when I walked into Sabor: A Taco Joint, I thought I'd accidentally broken my streak. ("Shit. Now, I have to give back my 10 Years Free Of Douche Boners In My Back chip and my I No Longer Know All The Words To This Beyonce Song badge. I earned those!")
I stumbled upon the SSahm BBQ food truck while walking through the Arts District playing hipster bingo. ("Another fedora. Dang. Already got that one. Wait -- there's a dude in somehow-baggy-size-zero skinny jeans walking with a girl in a too-short romper!! She's got a sugar glider in a bonding-pouch necklace!!! Hell yeah! Instant bingo!!!")
Get the kimchee fries. Get happy.
Lucia doesn't even answer the phone when you call to make a reservation. She's like, "Bitch, leave a message if you want a piece of this and I'll decide if you get one this year or not."
There are a ton of places in Dallas where you can eat a more memorable, less expensive lunch than you can get at some lame national chain restaurant. I plan to try them all at least once. Hope you'll join me on my hey-bars-on-windows-might-mean-really-authentic-cuisine-mom-'n-pop-cheapo-food journey. Let's live a little in 2012, shall we, bitches? Happy cheap New Year.