Meatloaf is Gross, I'm Sure You'll Agree

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Meatloaf the man: Yes. Meatloaf the loaf of meat: Never ever.
​It's getting cold outside and that means one horrible, awful, nasty thing: It's meatloaf season again.

Not sure if you know the origin of meatloaf, but it was invented hundreds of hundreds of years ago by other horrible cooks. The following is the two-step process for making your own meatloaf: 1) Gather perfectly good meats and breads and 2) Ruin the shit out of them.

Meatloafers, I implore you: Stop loafing your meats! Stoppitstoppitstoppit.

And stop telling me, "Oh, you don't like meatloaf? That's probably because you've never had my meatloaf. And you should also really try this other meatloaf they serve at the place in town that does the best meatloaf." The phrase "the best meatloaf" hits me exactly like the phrase "the best-tasting diarrhea." It's still fucking diarrhea, y'all, and none of that's going in this mouth either, pleaseandthankyou.

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"I'll have the meatloaf. Never."
There's no way to talk about meatloaf in a way that sounds appetizing.

Exhibit A: "Wanna come back to my house and have a little meatloaf?"

Exhibit B: "Leftover meatloaf"

Exhibit C: "I've gotta go in the back and make some meatloaf. I'll be back in about thirty minutes."

Exhibit D: "My meatloaf is moist."

(Commenters will be offering additional evidence for this case.)

I know you meatloafers just really love turning foods into loaves, so I'd like to offer you some other food options that you could turn into loaves:

1. Beer

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Beerloaf. Now, there's a loaf worth eating.

2. Chocolate

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Chocolateloaf. Why call these "brownies" when we could be calling them "chocolateloaves?"

3. Fish

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Oh "fishloaf" sounds nasty, but "meatloaf" is totally fine? Racist.

I hope you all will join me in the fight against loafing meats. It's a cause that's very close to my heart.

Follow City of Ate on Twitter. Follow me at @thecheapbastard.



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48 comments
MeatEater
MeatEater

In the Midwest, they enjoy HAMloaf: you guessed it, they grind ham. Makes you appreciate meatloaf LOL

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Mrs. Alice, you have replaced Richie Shitt as the biggest firestarter of the Observer..Ifn you can't make a first class meatloaf, let alone..enjoy a properly constructed meatloaf.( check out Paula Deen's bacon meatloaf, why dontya).you ain't much of a foody. Mrs. Brokenshoulder and I would love to have ya out..you bring the wine.

Sincerely,Everyone

Montemalone
Montemalone

MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm.Meatloaf is extra good made with candy corn. Put some in the meat before you loaf it, then make a nice design on top to hold the ketchup!

mebiga
mebiga

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Jim
Jim

On Sunday nights, after 6 hours plus of the NFL and a dozen man sized beers, the meatloaf and mashed spuds at Twin Peaks sure does taste purty good.....and the views ain't half bad.

JeffreyWeiss
JeffreyWeiss

fishloaf=salmon patties. Also gefilte fish which, as a bonus, is boiled...

Michael
Michael

Also: Cold meatloaf sandwiches are delicious. Haven't you ever found yourself thinking "Man, I wish McDonald's made a Pâté sandwich. And I further wish that they'd serve it cold." This is the kind of waking dream of an experience we're talking about here. Don't knock it.

Michael
Michael

An objection to meatloaf is, at bottom, really just an objection to ketchup, which is essentially an objection to America. And that is horseshit.

Lauren
Lauren

Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf.

foodbitch
foodbitch

Meatloaf is just bolognese for poor people. That being said, my bolognese loaf is exceptional.

Robert Morris
Robert Morris

Meatloaf is nasty EXCEPT at Chef Point Cafe..  Man that is good stuff

Kyle
Kyle

You really try way too hard to be funny. Take a nap.

Storm_71
Storm_71

Ok I'll carry the banner for meatloaf. Growing up poor in East Texas Sunday was Meatloaf day and my Mom made a big deal out of it so I grew up thinking it was a big deal. Granted these days I don't go around town looking for the best meatloaf but I have been known to whip up a nice meatloaf of my own sometimes. So if this makes me a flawed guy I'll tote that yoke.

TLS
TLS

You know what is really disgusting?  When people make sandwiches from their leftover meatloaf!  Cold meat fat on mushy bread.  Ugh.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

Meatloaf is absolutely disgusting and in fact induced vomiting when tried by me.  Just not appetizing, pinch a loaf, now thats what Im talking about.  What does go in your mouth?

Sturms_Bloody_Rectum
Sturms_Bloody_Rectum

Alice, can you say, "my meatloaf is moist" slowly.................thank you.

Speeking of diarrhea.....Glass bottom boat? Space docking? 

Marvin
Marvin

Are meatballs just little meatloafs with sauce?

MattL1
MattL1

I agree that meatloaf is gross, but the very mention of the word "fishloaf" is coming dangerously close to making me physically ill.

Congratulations. 

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

"Check out Paula Deen's bacon meatloaf" 

Please don't tell me her bacon meatloaf is moist. 

mmmFish
mmmFish

In my family, we actually had "Salmon Loaf."  It was a "treat" when Dad would be out of town...

We kids would vie for the slice with the most canned salmon bones in it.We were what my Dad would call "Oil Field Trash."

>sigh<Simpler times.

Bob
Bob

Yeah, like the goyim are going to eat gefilte fish.  One look at it as it comes out of the jar, dripping gelatinous strands of God-knows-what, and they will run for their lives.

Which leaves more gefilte fish for the true believers.

Jim
Jim

Come on Randy, eat your dinner or you have to go under the sink.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

btw, I checked out the cab east you made fun of me about, wednesday is $1 stella, you should join next time, its close to your hood

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

It took a lot of balls to tell my mom I didnt want to go to my aunts bc her meatloaf sucked, then my mom said she  always made the meatloaf.  Can you imagine the look of horror I had on my face when she said.  But the brightside was she never made meatloaf for me again!

Sturms_Bloody_Rectum
Sturms_Bloody_Rectum

Nothing wrong with meatloaf. Nothing wrong with left over meatloaf. Mrs. Rectum's meatloaf just isn't as good as Mom's meatloaf. No, don't mark that.

Alice Laussade
Alice Laussade

They're certainly very similar. And that, my friend, is the power of the ball shape.

Loafed meat = grody. Balled meat = just fine.

mynameisURL
mynameisURL

*Ha ha*

I don't know about Paula Deen's... But I know *Mine* is.

The best thing about meatloaf is: It ain't headcheese.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Is a great/bad ass hamburger moist?  I don't know where you're going with this Alice, other than an attempt of firestarting.  Would you prefer dry meatloaf?  Trying to get it..really.

 

TLS
TLS

The fact that your mom made that when your dad was out of town speaks volumes!  

Jim
Jim

No valet but you can fill up on Conoco gasoline.

Storm_71
Storm_71

Where are you talking about you lost me.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

sweet, so Ill meet you for Doritos and a DP, you name the spot

Bob
Bob

So all we have to say to you is "meatloaf's got balls", and you're in?

Storm_71
Storm_71

I like the sound of that. You can't beat $1 beer. Yeah man we'll have to meet up sometime and talk Rangers over some beer and breasties.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

Not any more, like $5 to get in and $1 bottled beer, domestic and imports all night. The view wasnt bad either, talent got better as the night progressed.

Storm_71
Storm_71

Ahh yes I was that guy. $1 stellas huh. I thought they where bucky naked and you had to bring your own booze. Then again that was back when it was Jags. How was the view?

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

werent you the one who called me out when I brought up jaguars in the sportatorium a few months something to the effect of, "someone hasnt been up industrial in a while, it aint jaguars anymore" ?

Storm_71
Storm_71

I'll take the blame for that. I have now driven my mind out of the ditch.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

after reading my comment and storms reply, I  would like to clarify 

DP=Dr. Pepper...ok, dirty dirty minds hehehehehehehehe

Storm_71
Storm_71

Wow Scott that's over the top brother.

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