Black Wednesday: I Really Want To Party Tonight, But I Don't Want To Jack Up My Bird

Categories: Drinking

drunkdude.jpg
Has anyone seen the cornstarch?
I'm definitely too old for this, but it's hard to shake the temptation. While the phenomenon doesn't seem quite as prominent in Dallas, Black Wednesday has become a steadfast tradition across the country.

It's easy to understand how it got started. College kids home for the holiday finally have a chance to catch up with friends they haven't seen in months. Finals are weeks off, everyone has no responsibilities the next day, and one of the world's best hangover cures loaded with gravy promises to greet them the second they wake up. It's time to get tanked!

Even though my college days are long gone, I'd still love to indulge this tradition here in Dallas. I hear the Hockaday alums are gonna be partying at the Stoneleigh P tonight, and I'm sure there are other reunions to crash. The thing is: I'm hosting Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, and there's nobody to whip up that hangover cure but me.

The thought of pulling my ass out of bed, dashing to the store to pick up the 18 things I forgot to buy the night before and then cooking for hours in a dehydrated stupor is less than attractive. Imagine reaching inside a cold dead turkey to clean out raw liver fragments with a throbbing headache and whisking coagulated gravy while the ghost of 12 So-Co and lime shots rot in your gut. But still, it's Thanksgiving. I deserve to party.

And why not? All I have to do is peel myself from my sheets and toss a roasting pan in the oven, before indulging my couch for a mid-morning nap. I could even get the bird all buttered up and ready to go the night before. Mashed potatoes don't take that long, and I bet I could prep my dressing too. I just need to shake the haunting suspicion that I'm about to trash the holiday of several guests all in the name of one last shot.

I can do it. I can pull this off. All I need is a little more time. Thanksgiving dinner at my house, 9 p.m. sharp.

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12 comments
mmarks
mmarks

Party tonight and pick up your Thanksgiving feast at Boston Market tomorrow. Seriously.

Scruffygeist
Scruffygeist

Your turkey should already be brining.

I don't think you thought this through very well.

Nic Rodriguez
Nic Rodriguez

I plan on drinking before I go out an maul some women and children for Black Friday sales. I NEED A BARBIE ALARM CLOCK, DAMMIT!!

just sayin'
just sayin'

We never partook in any "black wednesday" hardcore drinking because none of us wanted to be hungover for the big meal. Sure, you wake up hungry but you feel like shit and your taste buds arent exactly firing on all cylinders. You want to be able to enjoy the meal, not merely shove food that you can't even taste into a nauseous belly. Pro drinkers know better.

The real drinking night is thanksgiving night. Everyone has spent the entire day eating and talking with the family. After that, you get to the bar and raise your hands in the air like Andy Dufresne when he hit the water outside of Shawshank. A days worth of food provides a perfect base to keep you from getting too drunk and too hungover. Then you grab some leftovers and eat them on the couch in your underwear.

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

So Co and lime is SG. Good luck with all that, I'll be holding down a spot at the bar in Gen Granbury's little town by the river later this eve.

Rich
Rich

Of course you should. Keeping in mind, of course, that you should be drinking as you're preparing your food, too. Get a bottle of cheap white wine (the easiest drink to put down with a massive hangover), chill the hell out of it, and a few glasses while you're cooking should get you back to normal. After that, it's all gravy (pun totally intended).

cp
cp

Thank you! What kind of a food writer doesn't brine the turkey? I'm losing faith in Scott!

TLS
TLS

Not everyone brines their turkey so he'll be fine.  Brining is the best though.

cp
cp

Is there any way to "not like" this comment? 

Margie Hubbard
Margie Hubbard

I was just going to say that... try to take it a little bit easy tonight and then get up and start drinking in the morning.  White wine sounds great as long as it's not too sweet.  Or a good breakfast beer.  You'll be fine!

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